


Falling

by deadoralive0013



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)
Genre: Charles is a Sweetheart, Charles is a writer, Erik Has Feelings, Erik Logic Is The Best Logic, Erik has Issues, First Time, Jaded Charles, Lies, M/M, Regret, Sexual Tension, Smitten Erik, Weekend Getaway
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-08-18 08:10:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 74,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8155207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadoralive0013/pseuds/deadoralive0013
Summary: Charles is a writer for a magazine, dreaming of publishing his own novel. His editor, the famous Emma Frost, sees potential in him but they both found out that Charles can write everything except one crucial thing: a love story. Following her advice, Charles undergoes a little social experiment to “get out more” and starts to frequent a bar every Saturday nights in the hopes of finding a woman. That is where he finally meets someone, after 3 months, a man called Erik Lehnsherr.Cover art by the talented and generous avictoriangirl. Thank you so much!! <3





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into English available: [【中文翻译】Falling](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8330656) by [Adelay0821](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adelay0821/pseuds/Adelay0821), [deadoralive0013](https://archiveofourown.org/users/deadoralive0013/pseuds/deadoralive0013)



> I didn't put up all the pairings and tags as I think they might be spoilers but for those who don't like surprises, please see the end notes of future chapters. First story for the fandom by the way. 
> 
> This has been beta-ed by SomeCoolName. Dear, thank you so much for your patience. :D  
> EDIT: As a noob, things are not going well on my first post but I think I've fixed the repeating paragraphs. Also, this is multi-chaptered, not a one-shot. I'm trying to figure out a lot of things so bear with me. XD

#  

1

 _Genosha_ was a weird name for a bar but it seemed no one minded what the name meant so long as they could get the quality drinks and relaxed ambiance of the place. It was a Saturday and patrons were slowly coming in merry groups. Darwin, the bartender, greeted them warmly and worked quickly to serve everyone. The night was cold but definitely buzzing.

Charles was sitting on a stool on the bar, nursing his scotch while he continued to scribble down notes for his next article. As a promising young writer, he had learned to keep his notebook handy just in case inspiration struck which could be anytime. He wrote his last sentence and pocketed the notebook before hastily looking around the rapidly crowding bar. He swallowed and automatically reached out for the novel he was reading and opened the unfinished page, trying to block out the sound of people talking all around him. He just needed for the first round to pass and he’ll be able to talk to Darwin again.

But Darwin only got busier as a rowdy group of office workers walked in, apparently celebrating a birthday. He gave an apologetic smile at him which Charles returned. Judging by the number of people now crowding up the bar, he wouldn’t be able to talk to Darwin again for the whole evening. Sighing deeply, he gathered his bag and drink before making his way to a secluded table in a corner to give them space.

He had been coming in every Saturday for the past two months and still, Charles has never mustered the courage to actually talk to anyone. That’s not really true though. Unless he counted Darwin who was obligated to talk to him, the drunk guy he met a month ago who had been laid off and demanded that Charles drink with him and the girl who mistook him for his cousin (“ _Oops! Sorry! I thought you were my gay cous—someone else_.”), then Charles really had not talked to anyone, let alone _flirted_ with anyone.

It was painfully obvious that his whole body screamed at him to get out of this place but he did his best to relax and look friendly. In truth, he felt ridiculous and for the nth time, he questioned his purpose for subjecting himself to this kind of pain. He stared at the page of his book, not really seeing the words, but thinking about the conversation that landed him in this ‘social experiment’ of his.

 

_“Let me be honest with you, Charles. You’re a talented writer. Really talented. I’d even bet that you’d be able to publish your own book in a couple of years’ time if you put your mind into it.”_

_“But?” Charles urged, looking straight at his editor, Emma Frost. He leaned on her dark mahogany desk, clenching his fists at the sides. “Why won’t you entrust the capsule story project to me then?”_

_Emma sighed then adjusted her long fingers so they were elegantly interlaced under her chin. “The capsule story project, though would benefit from your deep research and analytical treatment, needs more than that. It is, for the most part, a human interest section.”_

_“You said I’m the best writer you have. Fiction is my life! Why can’t—y”_

_“Because you don’t know how to write a love story,” Emma interjected._

_Charles stared at her in disbelief. “Oh, Emma. Really? A love story? Of course I can write a bloody ‘love story!’”_

_“See?” Emma said shaking her head. “That, right there. Your derisive tone towards love as if it’s some fool’s hallucination is exactly why you can’t write a convincing love story.”_

_He huffed, unable to help himself because,_ really _? “Well, isn’t it? But no, I’m not here to debate the existence of love. And besides, my personal view on the subject is irrelevant to this. I don’t see why—”_

_“It is one hundred percent relevant,” Emma argued. “I don’t I need to tell you that all human relationships revolve around love or some form of it. Family, parents to their kids, men to women, women to women, men to men. All your stories, Charles, they are flawless but your attempts at love stories are quite lackluster, honey. They’re too clean, rational. It’s painfully obvious what the problem is.”_

_Charles bit his lower lip and looked away. He knew what she was going to say._

_“Look,” Emma began, her voice a lot softer, “I mean it when I say that I truly believe you’ll be a successful writer. That’s why I’m telling you, you have to improve in that area so you can grow.”_

_“How does one do that?” he asked rhetorically. “I guess I’ll drown myself in Shakespearean tales of tragic love then?”_

_“Or you can try to learn first-hand.”_

_“What do you mean?” he asked, genuinely perplexed because surely, she didn’t mean what he thought she was thinking, did she?_

_“You’re smart. Figure it out. Until then, I’ll personally hold on to the capsule story project.”_

 

She might as well should have just setup his online dating profile somewhere. But Emma wouldn’t do something as obvious as that. She’d just hint at it and let you do the rest.

So Charles had been documenting his trips here for him to report Emma his progress. Because really, this was just to keep the woman happy. She could believe whatever she wanted but Charles was her best writer and nothing was going to change that.

In fairness, he did see quite a lot of interaction in this place, snippets of conversations and arguments that inspired Charles to extrapolate from the given words and invent the rest of the story. Who were these people? What led them here? Where were they going after?

But still he failed to meet the primary objective of this exercise.

He discreetly looked around the bar, sweeping the place for someone who looked like he could approach and immediately stopped. He felt awkward and horrible, like he was some sort of killer out to find a target. Only he didn’t intend to murder anyone and he was terrible at finding a target for anything. But he did manage to make a friend here, right? Darwin was something even though Charles had no intention of sleeping with him…

Having zero experience in having a relationship, Charles wasn’t really sure who he was even looking for. That is to say: a woman or a man? He had always gotten physically attracted to women but he wasn’t sure how to approach a girl. But it seemed he didn’t need to as someone approached _him_.

“I’d say that you are sending quite a mixed signal, being here and bringing a book with you but—y”

“You just did,” Charles said before he could stop himself and looked up to the fourth person who approached him in the bar.

“I did, didn’t I?” the man, a tall one wearing a casual shirt and jeans, said uncertainly. “Pardon me for interrupting your reading but I was very… curious. And I was going to say that you would have been sending a mixed signal, playing hard to get, if you didn’t look genuinely miserable being here.”

Charles blinked, staring at the man’s green-blue eyes. This man was talking to _him_. A person has finally approached him for some reason and it wasn’t a woman but it was definitely a start. He had been preparing himself for this moment so naturally, Charles said, “That’s because I’m waiting to meet someone. And he’s… terribly late.”

_Wonderfully social, Charles. Good job._

The other man stared at him with wide eyes for a moment and then he was laughing. “Of course,” he said.

Charles had meant to say something along the line of ‘ _I’m looking for company actually. Can I get you a drink or two?_ ’ as rehearsed in his apartment numerous times but the excuse he usually used to fend people off just slipped out without him noticing. Now he had no idea what was going through the other man’s head. He sipped from his drink, watching the guy in front of him laugh until he calmed down.

“Sorry,” he said before pointing at the empty chair opposite Charles, “but do you mind if I join you?”

“Err… no,” Charles replied, a bit surprised at the turn of events, before glancing around to try and find out where the other came from. It didn’t look like he was with other people from another table.

“I’m Erik,” the other said and extended his hand.

“Charles,” he replied and took it.

Erik’s grip was firm, hands warm and bigger than his own. He smiled with what might be too much teeth but overall, Charles thought the man looked good, someone a lot of girls from his workplace would gush over. Erik took a sip from his beer bottle and then fixed him with a stare.

“Do you mind telling me why you’re here?” Erik asked.

“I am not miserable being here,” he said defensively. “I come here for the same reasons other people are coming here for.”

Erik grinned and placed his chin against his palm, leaning on the table they were sharing. “And what reasons would that be?”

“To get out. Talk to people. Have a drink,” he replied before pointedly taking another sip.

Erik’s smile said he was finding something extremely amusing but Charles thought he had given quite a bland answer. It was unsettling.

“Are you sure that’s all?” Erik asked.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I think you are lying, my friend.”

“Excuse me?”

“Just an observation,” Erik said with a shrug. “Face like yours, I wouldn’t have believed it myself.”

Charles stared at Erik, confused. This guy was accusing him of lying. While maybe flirting? He wasn’t really certain. Given that he _was_ lying but still…

Erik laughed, seemingly delighted by his perplexed expression. “It was a compliment.”

“I don’t think being called a liar is,” he countered.

Erik nodded. “But it’s the truth,” he said and leaned in closer to Charles. “I’m afraid your efforts will be in vain though.”

“My _efforts_?”

“When you said you were waiting for someone, a man, you obviously meant Darwin and since it’s a busy night, I don’t think he’ll be able to entertain you. Darwin does in fact, swing that way but sadly he is already taken.”

Charles’ mouth hung open as he stared at Erik. He abruptly closed it when he recovered. “I wasn’t... It’s not like that.”

“Don’t deny it, Charles,” Erik said easily, deliberately using his name. “You’ve been watching him since you came in. You avoided talking to anyone else.”

It was Charles’ turn to laugh, feeling a little more at ease now. “And you’ve been watching _me_ , apparently.”

Erik paused before giving him a sly smile. “Maybe,” he said.

“Alright then. Let’s just say you’ve caught me,” he said. “I was biding my time to approach Darwin. I was thinking of a way I could do so.”

Erik frowned. “But as I’ve said, he’s taken.”

“Yes,” he said. “Thank you for the advice.” Charles licked his lips and downed the rest of his drink. “And now I retreat. Nurse my broken heart and all that.”

A bubbling laughter suddenly erupted from Erik that Charles was slightly caught off guard. “You are full of surprises, Charles,” he told him. “But please don’t leave just yet. I promise I’ll make it worth your while.”

Charles checked his watch. It was about the time that he usually ended these ridiculous outings of his, which usually turned up mostly fruitless. But now there was this man and he was asking Charles to stay. He looked around the bar, aware that the other was watching him before finally making his decision.

“Sorry, but I really have to go now.”

 

\-------------------------------

 

Erik was a contented man, for the most part. He lived in a nice apartment. He had a well-paying job as an engineer. His career was looking bright with his dream of making it as a partner in the company seeming like it would come at any moment with the way things were going. He had no shortage of beautiful people calling him, throwing themselves at his feet, just for a chance to warm his bed at night. One could say that he was living the perfect life. He could not ask for more.

Until last night.

He methodically prepared his coffee and brought out his phone as he recounted the events from his trip to _Genosha_. Azazel and the others had been adamant that he joined them for drinks after their company won the big contract to renovate the city’s stadium. It was a big project, one that he and his colleagues had worked hard to obtain, so he decided forgoing meeting with one of his ‘buddies’ to share alcohol with his team.

And what a surprise it turned out to be. Erik and his friends stumbled upon _Genosha_ and were pleasantly surprised at the place. Not only did it turn out to be the bar his high school friend, Darwin, owned but it was also a nice place with good alcohol. They usually frequented another establishment in the city, one that had louder music and rowdier crowds but Erik was glad they made a different choice that night or he wouldn’t have met _him_.

He had spotted the man drinking, reading, and writing alone on the bar wearing his god-awful cardigan that made him look like a pathetic nerd hunched over a book while watching, pinning for the bartender. That is, until he got up and turned. Erik’s slur of mental insults at the poor guy immediately halted as he saw his stunning blue eyes partly hidden by wavy locks of brown and lips so red it took several minutes of observation before, having watched the shorter man sinfully lick his lips several times, he was sure that the other man was not wearing lipstick. The man was _beautiful_.

It was only natural that he left the table him and his friends shared to approach him, feeling like a man on a mission. His skin was tingling as he walked, anticipating the feeling of that pale skin against his hands when he’d run them all over that body. And he would. Or would have if Charles hadn’t turned out to be such a... He wasn’t really sure what Charles was, only that he had caused Erik a lot of inconvenience. He could still feel the indignation, annoyance, and just pure shock as he watched his conquest brush him off and walk away, heading right towards the doors without as much as a glance back.

Now Erik had his fair share of people playing hard to get, pretending to be uninterested to be different in his eyes and he enjoyed the chase. But it wasn’t like that with Charles at all. Charles’ eyes looked at him with distaste, like he saw right through Erik and he absolutely didn’t want anything to do with him. That did not make sense since he had not done anything to put the guy off. Quite the contrary, really. He had been on his top game and still he failed. It was frustrating.

Erik was a proud man but he was also practical and he usually had enough sense to know when he should retreat and cut back his losses but Charles had become an itch that drove him mad. Erik groaned at the pathetic memory of his actions last night.  After the smaller man left the bar, Erik spent the rest of the night trying to get drunk with the intention of taking someone home with him and fuck the itch away. Only, he wound up to be too irritable for flirting so he stumbled in his apartment later that night and masturbated in his bathroom with the thoughts of blue eyes and red lips.

Drinking his morning coffee, he searched for Darwin’s number on his phone. Despite closing up late last night, as every night, Darwin picked up his call on the third ring.

“Good morning, Dar. Yeah… I’m just wondering what time you’ll be opening _Genosha_ tonight. Can I drop by later to catch up?”

 

\----------------------------------------------

 

“The food will get cold.”

“Yep, I’ll be right there,” Charles muttered as he continued to type on his laptop. The words were flowing out of his fingers, weaving an imaginary world that at the moment, even he did not know where would lead. “Just… a bit…more,” he murmured, eyes set on the screen.

He was thoroughly absorbed until his laptop was suddenly pushed closed. Charles blinked and stared up at his sister who was looking sternly at him.

“You’ve said that. _Seven_ times. I came all the way here to cook you dinner and the least you could do is eat it while it’s still hot,” she said and then she was walking out of his study.

Charles sighed. “Sorry but I was working on that. Don’t you know writers can suffer long bouts of lack of inspiration and be unable to write anything?” he called over the sounds of plates and cutlery coming from the kitchen. He followed Raven out and was greeted by the wonderful smell of pasta. It was his favorite, a recipe she learned from the time she lived a few months in Italy: it was a delicious mix of fresh tomatoes, basil with a hint of hot pepper that always made Charles shiver when he swallowed it.

She hurried him over to his chair and served them both with generous helpings before she said, “You were in a trance. You’d never come out of your office if I hadn’t done that. Besides, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you suffer a writer’s block.”

He smiled at her. “Don’t jinx me. And this story is different. I have to give it my best shot,” he said. He took a bite of his food and hummed in appreciation. “This is really good, darling.”

“Thanks,” she said smiling.

“How was the fashion show?”

“Really great,” she said. “They really love my walk. And I met two designers who want to book me for their runway next month.”

Charles smiled. “A front cover, makeup campaigns, and now runway model too. You are doing really well, love.”

Raven stood, walked over to him and gave him a tight hug before going back to her seat. “It’s so great, Charles. I was so scared at first but everything is just going so wonderfully, I can’t help but think that this is all a dream.”

“Nonsense,” he told her. “You are amazing and it was only a matter of time before the rest of the world sees it too.”

“This is why I make it a point to see you and cook for you. Nobody can build my confidence like you, Charles,” she said. “But enough about me. How is your work?”

Charles’ smile soured. “Fine.”

“Is Emma still denying you the capsule story project?”

He nodded. “Unfortunately. She still thinks that just because I may not be a believer of romantic love, I am _incapable_ of writing a good love story.”

“I don’t know, Charles. She kinda sounds like she has a point,” she told him.

“You’re supposed to be on my side.”

“Well, you’ve always told me that you wrote from the heart, right? How can you write about something that you don’t believe in?”

“It’s called perspective,” he said, motioning his fork dramatically in the air. “I don’t need to believe in a serial killer’s logic to be able to write a thriller. I can just imagine what it’s like to be a killer.”

Raven shrugged. “That’s a good point too.”

“Thank you.”

“Though being the brilliant writer that you are, for Emma to deem your past love story as subpar must mean that your imagination of being in love is lacking.”

Charles stared at her. “I’ve had this exact conversation with her before, as you are well aware. Can we please change the subject now?”

“Gladly,” she said almost giddily. “I have news.”

“Looks like a pleasant one judging by how happy you are.”

“The guy I’m seeing, we just decided to be exclusive!”

Charles smiled. “That’s great news, Raven. I’m happy for you.” He may not understand why she was so happy but seeing her like that genuinely brought him joy.

“Thank you,” she said returning his smile. “He called me last night. He told me his team landed a big project and asked me to become exclusive. I didn’t think he liked me as much as I like him because I _really_ like him and he seems like a serious kind of person who might think modeling is shallow. But he respects me and my work, and oh Charles…”

“Oh, is this the engineer? What is his name again?”

“Azazel,” she supplied. “God, which reminds me, you haven’t even met yet, have you? I’ve been seeing him for almost six months. I can’t believe I haven’t introduced you to him yet.”

“Wow. It’s that serious? Already introducing him to your family, eh?” he joked, raising an eyebrow.

“Shut up. He’s a great guy,” she said, smile soft and eyes twinkling.

“I bet. You’re the mirror of what might Emma will finally believe a convincing representation of a person in love. Maybe I should just write about you and this Azazel.”

“I said _shut up,_  Charles.”

They continued to eat while Raven recounted how she met Azazel. Charles listened to the story, feeling warm and contented. Though they were not related by blood, Raven had been the only person who showed him what having a family felt like. They had both erased themselves from the Xavier mansion since the moment they were old enough to live by themselves and Charles had never been happier. The food was cheaper and at times tasteless. The bed wasn’t as big. There were no servants attending to him. Despite all these, he felt finally at peace. Things just started to fall into place since last year as Raven finally got her own apartment at the other side of the city where she worked in a big modeling agency.

He indulged in Raven’s happiness and continued to listen to her talk about Azazel as they washed the dishes until the topic inevitably changed.

“When are _you_ going to start seeing someone?” Raven asked suddenly.

“Raven.”

“I’ve shown your picture at work earlier and a lot of girls… and guys are quite interested, if you are. I don’t want to sound snobbish, but they’re _models_ and they think you’re hot.”

“ _Raven_.”

“Well we don’t know what will make that frozen heart of yours melt, do we?”

He sighed. “We’ve been through this before.”

“Not all people are bound to end up like Sharon and Bryan, Charles. Some people do find love.”

“I know that,” he said impatiently. “I know there are people who are good, who have good intentions and won’t want to hurt others. I know some people stay together for a lot of years, Raven, but as I’ve said, I also believe that it’s not the ‘magic of love’ but rather the hard work of two people trying to work around each other.”

“Isn’t that what love is about?” she asked him, pinching his cheek fondly, “sticking together even if it’s not all magic and rainbows?”

He swatted her hand away and rubbed his cheek. “You’re the one in love. You tell me.”

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------

 

It had been a week since his last visit so Charles started to get ready to head down to _Genosha_ again. Preparation to going in that place entailed mostly mental priming, closing his laptop, and putting his notepad and book in his bag. He never bothered to dress differently though and as he caught glimpse of his reflection on the mirror as he walked to the door, he thought there may be where the problem was.

So he went back to his room and fished out a dark blue sweater that Raven gave him on his last birthday from his closet. He put it on, combed his hair before deeming himself ready for the night and finally heading out.

Tonight, Charles would do things differently. He had been observing for the past three months and he had decided that it was time for a change in his approach. It was time for him to be more proactive, be the one to start things going. He surveyed the bar as he walked in _Genosha_ , scanning the crowd for someone who looked friendly and would possibly entertain his first attempt at courting.

His feet carried him towards his usual seat at the bar and Darwin greeted him with a smile.

“You look nice,” he told Charles.

“Thank you.”

“The usual?”

“Yes please.”

Charles waited until two girls went in, talking and giggling as they settled down a table near a window at the left side of _Genosha_. He sighed. They were pretty and looked like they were in a good mood. He’ll do it. No more excuses. No more delays.

He drank his scotch as he watched them talk. He took note of the drinks they were ordering and the way they would survey around the place every now and then. That bode well for him as it seemed like they were looking for a hookup tonight. Charles breathed deeply, calming his nerves as he prepared himself to take the plunge.

He stood up, ran his fingers through his hair and was about to take a step forward when a hand caught him by the upper arm. It took him by surprise that it made him stumble backwards and slightly lose his balance until he was leaning against a sturdy chest. Another hand supported him on his elbow, steadying him on his feet.

It was the man he met the other night, _Erik_ , if he remembered correctly. He was smiling at him like something was amusing. He abruptly pulled his arms free and stepped away, straightening his sweater and not bothering to hide his annoyance. “What do you think you’re doing?”

The other man just shook his head and took a seat, elegantly gesturing a hand for Charles to take the other. “Humor me,” Erik said seriously.

Charles glanced at the two girls who were still talking at their table and then at Erik. He breathed deeply and reluctantly took the seat in front of Erik. “Alright, I’m humoring you. Care to tell me why I should keep doing it?”

Erik raised a hand, patiently telling him to keep quiet. He looked at the two women and said to Charles, “Just wait.”

Charles had half a mind to just stand up and leave until a burly man suddenly approached the girls’ table. He watched as he kissed one of them in welcome before joining them.

“ _That_ is Tommy,” Erik told Charles. “The girl he kissed is his girlfriend, pretty little thing she is. The last guy to approach her in a bar ended up in the hospital with three broken ribs.”

Charles’ eyes went wide. Tommy was now chugging down a beer bottle, looking like an MMA fighter with those muscled arms and strong jaw. Charles had done some boxing and was in a physically fit condition but he knew he wouldn’t stand a chance in a fight with a man like that.

“What were you even thinking?” Erik asked suddenly. He looked elegantly annoyed.

Charles suddenly felt embarrassed, like he was a child caught doing something wrong and was now being told off before he huffed and thought, why should he even have to explain himself to Erik?

“I don’t think what I’m doing is any of your business.”

Erik snorted. “I just saved you from a lot of pain, humiliation, and a trip to the hospital. Now answer me.”

His jaw dropped at the commanding attitude he was showing and Charles stared at him pointedly. Erik just stared back, waiting for a reply and Charles rolled his eyes.

“I wasn’t even thinking of approaching _her_ ,” he said, glancing at Tommy’s girlfriend. “I was aiming more for her friend.”

Erik’s hand clenched into a fist. “So you _were_ going to hit on one of them,” he said almost accusingly and looked at Charles from head to foot. “Tommy doesn’t care if you hit on his girl or not, he only cared that you are in close proximity to her. And don’t even bother with Stacey, she has more kinds of STDs than your pretty head can think of.”

“Speaking from experience?”

“I have my sources.”

Charles just stared at him, clearly unimpressed.

The place continued to buzz with loud chatters, laughter, and clinks of glasses as both of them fell into silence. Charles licked his lips and sighed before checking his watch. fifteen minutes more before this trip’s supposed end.

“Thinking of retreating again?” Erik asked.

Charles looked at him and he almost smiled. Almost. Erik was looking at him with such intense eyes and tense posture that he expected to see a pout next. But Erik wasn’t the type to pout, not when he was trying to look so nonchalant while obviously feeling annoyed at something. It was unexpected. Charles couldn’t help but be reminded of a sulking child. He gave up and smiled, tapping Erik’s arm on the table.

“No, my friend. For all your troubles, I can keep you company for a little while.”

The look of surprise on Erik’s face made him chuckle until the other glared at him. He amiably shook his head and bought him a drink.

“So now you can tell me why you helped me.”

Erik smiled. “Did I? I was under the impression that you didn’t think I was helping.”

“You came out of nowhere, Erik. How did you think I’d react, really. Now tell me.”

“Alright,” Erik said, taking his bottle from Darwin, “what _were_ you thinking? Your hair, those pants, that shirt… Really, Charles?”

He just shrugged. “My sister happens to have good judgment on this things, fashion and whatnot, and she gave me this sweater.”

“For that I respect her but I wasn’t questioning your fashion choice, rather why you chose to wear it tonight,” Erik said, leading them across the room towards the bar.

“I thought it was obvious.”

“Oh it _was_ ,” Erik said as they settled on the bar.

“Then I don’t see what you’re asking.”

“Last week, you were here at exactly the same place and the same time. Only, you were different. You didn’t talk to anyone but Darwin and you looked so miserable, like someone coerced you into spending time here,” Erik explained. “You didn’t really want to be here and then tonight, you show up looking different. And you were looking around the place more.”

Charles swallowed. “So?”

“Why?”

“To find a date? A hookup? I don’t think you’re asking something you don’t already know the answer to.”

“No, that’s not what I meant,” Erik said, shaking his head. “The way you were last week, that was the real you. This,” he gestured in Charles’ general direction, “is something else. You were looking for someone but what I don’t understand is why you were going to hit on someone you didn’t find attractive.”

“And you would know who I find attractive?”

“I know that your eyes shone brighter while reading the book you had last week than when you were watching those girls,” Erik said confidently.

“Oh, are we talking about eyes shining now?”  Charles asked sarcastically. “What’s next? You’ll tell me how sparks should fly while you sprout invisible wings when one lays eyes on his one true love?”

Erik was slightly taken aback but he recovered quickly. “Oh I don’t believe in love either,” he said, leaning close. “At least not at first sight.”

Charles stared at him before bluntly asking, “Sorry but… are you… hitting on me? By any chance?”

“I’ve been practically stalking you. Please don’t tell me that I’ve misjudged your intelligence,” he said rolling his eyes.

Charles wasn’t able to stop the laughter from spilling from his lips. “You could have been just being nice, on the lookout for the next unsuspecting victim of Tommy’s rage. Community service of sorts,” he said. He did not mention that he wasn’t used to people hitting at him so this was all new.

“I don’t do community service,” Erik informed him.

“You say that,” Charles returned.

“What can I do to spell my intentions more clearly then? Dinner perhaps?”

Charles shook his head. “I’m afraid I… this is new, being hit on by a guy, I mean,” he said.

“Ah,” Erik replied, waiting. When Charles did not say anything else, he added, “And do you find it… disgusting?”

His eyes went wide and immediately shook his head. “No, my friend. On the contrary, I find it quite flattering actually.”

Erik grinned at him.

“Not in an egotistical way… or anything like that. I mean—I”

“Relax. I understand.”

“Thank you,” he said. He was about to ask Erik something about his work when his phone suddenly vibrated in his pocket. He thought of ignoring it but fished it out after five more rings. It was Raven.

“Sorry, I have to get this,” he said before he was already standing and walking to the bathroom.

“Alright,” Erik said though he was fighting the very strong urge to drag Charles out of here and haul him into his car.

Charles found an empty cubicle in the men’s room and slipped inside. “Raven?” he muttered on his phone.

_“Charles! Where the hell are you?”_

“I’m out. Why are you calling me? Did something happen?” he asked anxiously, feeling unpleasantly on edge. “Please tell me you’re alright.”

_“I’m fine. I’m at your apartment now.”_

“Why didn’t you say you’re coming over? I wouldn’t have left had I known you were coming,” he said, relieved.

_“Sorry but I… Azazel and I had a fight earlier and I’m trying to avoid him so I thought I could crash here?”_

“Oh my dear, yes, of course. I’ll be right there. I’m heading home now.”

_“Are you sure? I can wait for you. I’m alright—”_

“Don’t be ridiculous. I’ll go home now.”

_“Thank you, Charles. You’re the best.”_

He pocketed back his phone and walked back to the table where he left Erik. The man was still there, waiting for him and looking a bit anxious as he retook his seat. “Everything alright?” he asked.

“Yes, but unfortunately I need to head home now,” Charles said, genuinely sorry.

“Is it an emergency? I can drive you or go with you if you want.”

“Thank you, Erik,” Charles said with a smile, “but that won’t be necessary. I’ll be comforting someone so I’d just lend an ear for the night. Nothing serious.”

Erik raised an eyebrow. “Comforting someone?”

“She gets easily emotional sometimes,” he said, nodding absentmindedly. “Anyway, I got to go.”

Erik’s words were stuck in his throat as he watched Charles walk out of _Genosha_ for the second time, trying to ignore the dull ache somewhere in his chest. He forced a smile when the other man looked back at him and waved before stepping out into the night and disappearing. Erik stared at the door after Charles was gone.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Raven was already in his sofa, eating a tub of ice cream when Charles came home. On the television was some cheesy rom-com movie that Charles never understood the appeal to, and Raven had her eyes glued to the screen as the couple walked in the park in that generic romantic movie scene that all others like it had. She glared at the happy couple accusingly before standing and burying her face into Charles’ sweater.

“Azazel is such a jerk!” she said, voice muffled by his clothes.

“I’m sure he is,” he said and led them back to the sofa, patting her back. Raven let herself be guided back and they both sat down. “Now tell me what happened.”

She went on a long rant about how her boyfriend failed to make it to their supposed dinner date tonight. It was apparently due to work but Raven thought that he should be giving more effort and whatnot.

Charles dutifully listened to everything and offered comments and suggestions when he thought was appropriate. It wasn’t the first time Raven had come to him with relationship problems and he knew it wouldn’t be the last. Even though he didn’t personally believe two people could really _love_ each other forever, he really wanted for his sister to find a man who would be with her for at least a few years. That at least, he could believe, especially since Raven’s happiness was on the line.

“I don’t know. It’s just so stupid...” she said, sobbing a little after pouring her heart out. “And I know I’m pathetic and selfish but I can’t help it!”

“Nobody can help the way they feel,” he said, rubbing her back as she blew her nose. “You both are just having a bad day, you clashed, and said some stupid things that you’ll both forget come morning.”

Raven finally smiled a bit. “Yeah… We’ll be okay.”

“Call him when you’ve blown off some steam,” he said, smiling back. He kissed her forehead and moved to put the ice cream back into the fridge.

“Where were you anyway?” Raven asked suddenly.

“Oh, I was just out,” he said with a shrug, as we walked to the kitchen. Raven followed him.

“Yes, but _where_? You never go out. Unless it’s a library or to interview someone for an article… by the way, that doesn’t count as ‘going out’, Charles. I told you that,” she said, tailing him. Her voice was amused now that she felt better about her own problem. It was her reflex, fussing about his life once whatever it was that was distracting her was gone.

“That’s not true,” he protested. He deposited Raven’s spoon in the sink and started to wash it along with his used dishes from this morning. “I do go out, in conventions—”

“That doesn’t—”

“And this time, I was at a bar.”

“A _bar_?”

“Yes,” he said, almost proudly.

Raven stared at him. “What is going on?”

“Nothing,” he replied, focusing on rinsing a plate.

“And I’ve applied for graduate school in a university downtown,” she said.

“Raven, I’m a working adult who is perfectly capable of—”

“ _Charles_ , you going to a bar on your own is like… the equivalent of a six-year old starting to get hooked on drugs.”

“ _Raven_!”

“I know you, Charles,” she insisted. “What is going on?”

He sighed. “Fine. It’s an assignment. Well, not really. Sort of?”

Raven just raised an eyebrow, tapping her foot for good measure.

“Emma—”

“I knew it. Of course it’s her. That editor of yours will one day either bring you an early death or make you the next big thing,” she said gravely. “Whichever comes first.”

“Quite right,” he said. “Remember the capsule story project?”

She nodded and started to dry the plates with a towel.

“Basically, she wouldn’t let me handle it until I get… err, emotionally involved with anyone,” he added uncertainly. It sounded dumb even to his own ears.

Surprisingly, Raven just nodded. “The deal with your fragile, pessimistic heart being incapable of believing in true love, eh? The one that is stopping you from writing a believable love story? Makes sense.”

Charles rolled his eyes. “That’s the one.”

Raven smiled, suddenly looking at him from head to foot. “Is that why you’re looking hot tonight? Oh my god, Charles! Did you—Don’t tell me you were on a date!” she said, face full of excitement.

She grabbed his arm and shook him. Hard.

“It’s not like that!” he said, trying to push her away but Raven had always been the more physically fit between them and her strength was directly proportional to her excitement. “I was just doing some sort of social experiment. I visit the bar once a week for an hour, have a drink, watch people, and then leave. That is all.”

Raven immediately grabbed his face with two hands and started to pinch his cheeks.

“Ow! _Raven_!” he complained, batting her hands away.

“That is so cute!” she exclaimed before letting go. “I can just imagine you in your cardigan, ordering a drink, getting hit on by someone hot and you not knowing what the hell you’ll do! Since when has this been going on?”

“I don’t know, three months?” he said nursing his cheeks which by then were surely red now. “That hurt. Please stop doing that, we’re not kids anymore.”

“Hmmm,” she said thoughtfully. “I will forgive you for not letting me know sooner, but I still feel mad at you.”

“Mad? Why?” he asked incredulously.

Raven stared at him like it was obvious. “I could have dressed you! Goodness Charles, I could have made you into every patron in that bar’s walking wet dream! You should have told me sooner! You are one hot piece of meat hidden in all those… cardigans,” she said, hands mimicking one of the said cardigans around her torso.

Charles sighed again. He finished up the rest of the dishes without Raven’s help as the other had completely distracted herself. “Is there any use in me saying that that wasn’t the point of this exercise?”

“So did you meet someone? Come on. Don’t tell me no one at least bought you a drink,” she said, ignoring his comment.

Charles immediately thought of the tall, handsome guy he had been seeing for the past two weeks. _Erik_ , his perfect memory supplied. Now that he thought about it, he didn’t sound American…

“Not really, no.”

Raven rested her chin on her palm as she leaned on the kitchen counter, watching him work with knowing eyes. “Not even with my gift?” she asked staring at the sweater he was wearing. “That shade really brings out the blue of your eyes, you know. And your eyes were what caught Howard’s attention before.”

Charles winced. Howard was a male model working with Raven at her agency. She showed him his picture and apparently had gotten a crush on him ever since. “Please don’t remind me.”

Raven’s smile widened. “Then tell me who you met.”

“There was no one.”

“Charles.”

“Really.”

“ _Really?_ ”

“Why would I lie to you?”

“You have none but you still would, when it comes to these things.”

“Raven...”

“If you don’t come clean now, I’ll have to accompany you on your next visit and I’ll find out for myself,” she threatened sweetly.

He stared at her, trying not to blink and it was unfair as she did staring for a living (or so she would always say whenever they got into a staring contest) so he was inevitably the first one to look away. She gave out a dramatic “ha!” and dragged him back to the living room where she sat him down. “Details, Charles. Tell me everything.”

“It’s nothing. He just—”

“Oh, a guy! This just confirms what I’ve been suspecting all along. Don’t worry, Charles. I love you just the way you are.”

“Raven,” he sighed, tiredly. He didn’t even want to ask. “He just found me weird. I was reading at the bar since I don’t really feel comfortable in such a place, you know how I can get, and he saw me. So, he talked to me and was wondering why I was there. I guess it was painfully obvious that I was uncomfortable.”

Raven’s smile was so big it was frightening. “Yeah, just curious about why a cute guy like you is alone in a bar. Right, _of course._  It wasn’t at all like innocent, Little Red Riding Hood being approached by the wolf in the forest. Nothing like that.”

“I would appreciate it if you could use less effeminate analogies,” he tried to say but was once again ignored.

“What does he look like? Hot?” she asked.

Charles unconsciously licked his lips and propped one of his legs up so that he was sitting on it while the other one dangled on the sofa. He knew she wouldn’t stop until she got what she wanted so he gave up. “Tall, short hair, might be ginger, slender. The lights were a little dim so I’m not sure about his eye color.”

She nodded happily. “How old do you think he is?”

He shrugged. “He might be older than me but not by much. Early thirties maybe? He had an accent but I can’t quite place it. He must be living here for a while now but he’s definitely not born here.”

“He’s perfect,” Raven decided giddily. “Oh Charles, I’m so happy for you! You got to introduce me soon. I’ll bring Azazel along and we’ll have a double date.”

“Whoa. Hang on,” he said. “You’re way ahead of yourself. Let’s not get carried away.”

“You’re twenty-seven, Charles. If it were up to me, I’d put you up for auction already,” she said, waving him off when he started to protest. “And I know, I won’t set you up with any of my friends without your consent again.”

“Thank you,” he said, genuinely relieved. She had set him up in four blind dates without him knowing. Given that they were all attractive men and women, he was still mortified at the prospect of having to do small talk for more than ten minutes.

“What’s his name?” she asked. “Tell me you at least got his name and his number.”

“Erik. I did not get his full name and his number,” he said.

She winced and then nodded. “Of course you didn’t. But hey, if he got enough courage to talk to you despite your antisocial aura, I think he’s worth a shot.”

“I’m not going to date him just because he approached me.”

“Why not?” she asked.

It was Charles’ turn to look at her like it was obvious, only, it really was. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe because I _don’t_ date? And he’s a guy. Raven, I haven’t even dated a girl before. How would I know how things would go with a guy? Besides, he was obviously just bored. Maybe antisocial is the breath of fresh air in social situations nowadays.”

“But do you find him attractive?”

“I don’t think—a”

“Just answer the question, Charles,” she cut in.

He sighed. “He is… objectively what people might say is attractive,” he admitted grudgingly.

“Then I don’t see why you shouldn’t at least try,” she said triumphantly. When she saw him rolling his eyes, she grabbed his head and pushed him down until he was lying on her lap. He tried to fight but she just shushed him, saying ‘Auntie Raven’s here. It’s okay.’ He rolled his eyes again but went along with it.

“I’m not asking you to marry him. I just want you to at least feel what it’s like to be with someone, you know, to be on a date with someone you find attractive. It’s really something.”

Charles snorted but he let her stroke his hair soothingly, thinking about how ridiculous it was that she was the one cradling him on her lap now, lecturing him about dating when he practically raised her when they were still kids. “Maybe it’s not as pleasant as everyone is making it seem to be.”

“That’s why I want you to try, so you can decide for yourself,” she told him. “And Emma can never tell you again that you don’t write well because you haven’t dated anyone before. Think about how satisfying that will be.”

The whole thing still seemed ridiculous but he had to agree with her on that.

\--------------------------------------------


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for the kudos and comments! Here's chapter 2. :)

2

 

Erik was early tonight, drinking a glass of scotch on _Genosha’s_ bar even before a lot of the regulars started to show up. Since he woke up that Saturday, he felt restless and had worked all of his energy into accomplishing his work-related tasks. He reviewed reports, made calls, returned calls, answered his emails, set up appointments, and even rushed through two meetings with clients. By late afternoon, he found himself staring at the wall with nothing else to do and the memory of vivid blue eyes came creeping back.

 He was plagued. He couldn’t get the memory of Charles’ face out of his mind, especially the way he smiled with those sinful red lips that should look ridiculous on a man. But didn’t.

 After their first meeting, Erik had given up and called one of his male buddies for a fuck. It was only good for a few hours, until he found himself alone in his room and his thoughts drifted back to Charles. After his second meeting with Charles, he did not even consider calling up anyone. There was only one thing to do if he would ever rid himself of this distraction.

 It irritated him that the only thing he knew about Charles was his first name. He looked young, like a college student and judging by his manners and way of speaking, someone who had a good education and grew up with money. Darwin didn’t know much about Charles either, only that the man started to frequent his establishment a few months ago and had been showing up every Saturday night without miss. He always ordered a scotch and paid for it in cash so Darwin didn’t get much information.

 “I have to leave in ten minutes,” Azazel said, sitting beside him. “When is this guy going to show up?”

 “Just sit and wait. He’ll come,” he told him, looking around. “Where are you going anyway? I already met up with the new client earlier so you don’t have to look into that supplier tonight.”

 Azazel smiled. “I know. That’s why I had time to set up a surprise.”

 “For a girl?”

 “ _The_ girl”

 Erik frowned. “Really?”

 “I’ve been seeing her for months. Haven’t I told you?” Azazel asked.

 Erik shook his head, watching the doors from where they sat. “No. Have I met her before?”

 Azazel hummed thoughtfully and shook his head. “I don’t think so. She’s quite the looker. I doubt you’ll forget her face if you’ve seen her.”

 Erik snorted, thinking of Charles. “I bet.”

 They consumed two more rounds as the minutes ticked by. Azazel stayed for fifteen more minutes before saying he really had to go and left Erik sulking by the bar, patting him sympathetically on the shoulder before going. Erik was annoyed and his mind only turned more sour as he sat there waiting for almost two hours with no sign of Charles. His mood didn’t improve even when a beautiful woman approached him and tried to chat him up. His voice was clipped and he couldn’t hide his bad mood even as he tried to engage her in conversation, pettily thinking that this somehow would serve as revenge for Charles showing up late and making him wait.

 Because the other man was at least attracted to him, he _knew_ it. He sounded really regretful that he had to cut their last meeting short to _comfort_ that bloody someone. It grated on Erik’s nerves whenever he remembered that, and he knew it did not make sense but it really did, to his further annoyance, so he didn’t bother analyzing it. He just wanted to punch something. Or fuck the living daylights out of Charles until he couldn’t walk straight.

 “Are you even listening?” said the woman, snapping her fingers angrily at his face.

 Erik blinked and was about to abandon all social graces but she was already standing up and leaving. He did not stop her, and instead waved at Darwin for another drink.

 “Take it easy,” Darwin said as he gave him his order.

 He took his glass and downed the contents in one gulp. “You said he comes here every fucking Saturday, Darwin,” he growled accusingly.

 “For several weeks now, without miss,” Darwin confirmed. “But that doesn’t mean he won’t skip. He seems like a busy guy anyway. Always writing and reading things, y’know.”

 “You should have chatted him up more,” Erik insisted.

 Darwin laughed. “And risk your wrath? No way, man. Besides, I’m taken. Charles is cute and all but I like my head where it is,” he said.

 He brushed off the comment and ordered another drink. He was in the middle of drinking it when Darwin suddenly directed his attention to the doors with a sly grin. Erik followed his gaze and all his annoyance suddenly melted. There by the door was Charles, standing awkwardly and tucking what looked like earphones in his bag. He was wearing another cardigan again, along with his baggy jeans that looked like the one he had been wearing when Erik first saw him. He watched as the young man dodged the crowd to try and make his way to the bar where Erik was waiting. It didn’t look like he already saw him.

 “Finally, you can stop bitching and scaring my customers away,” Darwin said and grinned before going to serve his other patrons.

 Erik couldn’t help but smile, anticipation quickly moving to replace his bad mood. _Genosha_ was a little more crowded tonight so Charles bumped into several people whilst trying to pass through them. One guy actually managed to knock him off balance. Charles almost fell but the guy quickly grabbed his arm to steady him.

 Erik’s face darkened as the two exchanged words, the guy’s hand still lingering on Charles’ arm. Without warning, his annoyance was back and he was suddenly walking over to them.

 “Really, it was an accident,” Charles was saying when Erik suddenly grabbed his other arm and yanked him away from the man who bumped him. He looked slightly confused for a moment and then surprised when he saw him. “Erik,” he said.

 Erik glared at the other guy before turning to Charles. “You’re late,” he said.

Charles frowned, thinking adorably with his big blue eyes a little squinted before comprehension dawned on him. “Oh, I was held up at a meeting. I wasn’t sure if I should just go home

considering how late it is already but I was rather hoping to see you, actually.”

The corners of Erik’s lips quirked into a wide smile. “Good,” he said and stirred Charles away from the other man, not bothering to spare him another glance.

They found a more secluded table far from the bar and Erik found he liked that. He let Charles sit first and then slipped into the bench beside him. Charles looked a bit surprised that he did not take the bench opposite him but did not comment so he moved closer until the side of their legs touched.

“So,” Charles said with a forced smile, looking uncomfortable.

“So,” he echoed.

Charles nervously licked his lips before subtly moving back to put a small distance between them. He was avoiding Erik’s eyes and was busying himself with his bag but it only made Erik want to tear the other’s clothes off right there and take him, privacy be damned.

“You wanted to see me,” Erik said instead, allowing Charles a small retreat.

“Yes,” the other replied, visibly relaxing his shoulders and taking on an almost professional tone like putting on a coat. “I’ve been thinking about our last meeting.”

“And?” he prompted.

“Well, you expressed that you were interested in uh... eh...” Charles said, searching for the right word. He looked at Erik, waiting for him to help.

“Yes?” he said, smiling. He found it enjoyable to watch the other fumble with his words.

“I don’t really remember,” Charles said pointedly. “What were you interested in?”

“ _Are_ ,” he corrected. “There are many things that I am interested in but for now, I’ll say I want us to see each other. To go out.”

 Charles nodded. “I see. So you might be looking at a few dates. And then?”

 Erik chuckled and leaned back, slowly resting his arm on the backrest behind Charles. “Let’s not think about the future too much, Charles. How about we get to know each other a little first and see where this will go from there?”

 Charles nodded again. “That’s a good suggestion.”

 “And you agree?”

 “Yes, I do.”

 Erik stared at him. “Are you sure you know what you are agreeing to?”

 Charles slightly frowned and turned his body towards Erik as if to prove the point. “I know,” he said, almost indignantly.

 “Just asking,” Erik said amiably. “You did say that this is new to you. I don’t want to scare you away.”

 Charles laughed lightly, his smile reaching his eyes and it took every fiber of Erik’s self-control to stop himself from pushing him down the bench. He seemed to be carrying himself well for a man who was apparently trying to test the waters of an unknown river. “I am not easily scared, my friend,” he said evenly.

_Easy. He is straight. Regardless of what he says, he has absolutely no idea of what you want to do to him. Don’t spook him or he’ll run away._

 Everything about Charles screamed inexperience that resembled innocence, that it was almost a crime that he was agreeing to this. Erik was certain that Charles did not understand at all what he was getting into. But Erik was not one to turn away a lost soul when it came seeking him for guidance. He smiled at Charles before telling him that he’ll get them drinks though inside, he was rejoicing and barely resisting the urge to raise his fist in the air. He couldn’t believe that this beautiful, innocent young man who hadn’t been with any men before was basically agreeing for Erik to be his first, to educate him in new ways which Erik translated to _corrupting_ him, really. There was an overwhelming satisfaction in that thought.

And so he went to Darwin to fetch them alcohol, to help his new friend loosen up. His mind was already racing with possible plans for the night that all ended with him and Charles in a bed. Charles thanked him when he handed him his alcohol and gratefully drank. Erik happily watched him, feeling like he was about to get something he had been working for, for a long time. He’ll just need a few more rounds and they’ll be on their merry way to a hotel room.

“I feel a bit hungry, actually,” Charles said suddenly. “I’m sorry but I forgot to eat dinner. The meeting really held me up.”

“We can head out if you want,” Erik said. Okay, a few rounds, dinner, and then on to their merry way to a hotel room. “There’s a place nearby. We can go there after our drinks or we can just go now too.”

Charles paused thoughtfully, blue eyes fucking sparkling even in the dim light. “We can finish our drink, I think,” he said.

By the time they were done and walking to Erik’s car, it was already 11pm. Charles was walking easily by his side, not even a little tipsy but Erik was not discouraged. He hurried to the passenger side and opened the door for Charles with a little bow.

Charles laughed. “It seems you’re the confused one here. I’m not a girl, Erik.”

“Yeah, well, it’s worth the try.”

Charles snorted, smiling as he got in the car.

They drove in silence. He watched Charles as he drove the short distance, thinking of the closest hotel they could later go to. Charles looked at ease, almost bored, which he didn’t quite expect as the other was definitely a virgin in _that_ area. For a man out on his first date with another guy, in the said guy’s car very late in the night, Charles was handling it quite well. Or he was a fantastic actor.

“I would take you to a nice restaurant but something tells me that my efforts will just be misread.”

Charles laughed. “I don’t really care where we eat. I just want it fast and hot.”

Erik shot him a look but Charles looked positively unaware of the double meaning of what he just said. This was going to be a long night, he could tell.

The diner was not as busy as the bar and they quickly found seats. Their food arrived and Charles perked up at the sight of his plate before he started to dig in, blowing at the food before taking a bite.

Erik watched him while eating his own food, amused at how the other looked while eating. It was like watching a puppy eat. Adorable.

“So what do you do?” Charles asked suddenly.

“I’m an engineer. I’ve been working for _Sogen Engineering_ , an engineering firm, for almost ten years,” he said. “And you?”

Charles smiled. “Guess.”

Erik grinned. “College student?”

Charles laughed, shaking his head. “I am not that young,” he said. “But I’ll take that as a compliment.”

“That’s good then,” Erik said, “that you’re not as young as I thought. I’d hate to lead a minor astray. Computer programmer?”

“Nope”

Erik looked at his clothes and shoes. "Librarian?"

Charles laughed again. "No, but I can see why you'd think that. Come on, put some thought into it."

"Alright," he said. "You're always dressed... professionally, so you might be working in a company of some sort, facing clients or other important people for your work. You were reading and writing down notes when I first saw you, so that suggests that your work demands a lot of research or... You just like reading."

"Go on," Charles said, amused.

"But I think it's a combination of both," He continued. "You did say you got held up at a meeting earlier, but you didn't wear a suit so it isn't corporate. It was a meeting you couldn’t get out of even if you wanted to, so someone you needed something from. Information? Funding?"

"That's a lot of thinking now. Did you arrive at a conclusion?" Charles asked.

"Let’s see… I'm thinking researcher, academician, scientist, or... a stripper?"

“Oh yeah, I missed out on the busiest night of the week,” Charles said without thinking, laughing lightly.

“See it’s things like that that makes me think that there’s more to you than what meets the eye. How did you know what the busiest night is for a stripper?” he asked, smirking.

“Oh I’ve talked to a lot of people, my friend,” Charles replied. “Saturday and Friday nights are the busiest for them. And there _is_ a lot more to a stripper than what meets the eye.”

“Where did you get that information from, a female or a male stripper?” he asked, voice low.

Charles coughed nervously. “A male one. I imagined talking to a female stripper would have been rather awkward.”

“I don’t think so. They’re all quite used to getting unwanted attention regardless of their gender,” he informed him.

Charles shrugged before nodding, finishing the rest of his food in silence. His lips were glistening with a bit of grease, making it hard for Erik to keep himself from getting distracted by thoughts unrelated to food.

“So you _talk_ to strippers instead of fucking them and don’t want to make them feel awkward,” he said loudly, mainly to stop another indecent image in his mind from popping up. “You can only be a social worker, an investigator, or a writer.”

“Ah,” Charles said, delighted.

“I’m going to scrap investigator since you look like you’ve never visited the bar since before a few weeks ago. You’re not a social worker either since you said you had a say in what gender of stripper you want talk to so that leaves… _writer_?”

Charles clapped his hands. “Really good, my friend.”

“Thank you,” he returned, pleased with himself. “So you’re a writer.”

“For a weekly publication, but what I really want is to publish my own book someday. I guess it’s what all writers want.”

“Seems like a good goal to have.”

“Not as good as this dish was,” Charles said.

“Did you like the food?” Erik asked, letting the topic change slide. It was a pity really. Though he was more interested in fucking Charles, he found himself genuinely interested in Charles’ work and his goals as a writer.

“It was delicious, Erik” Charles said, beaming. “Thanks for treating me. Though I must admit, I don’t feel comfortable since I was the one who wanted to eat.”

“I was hungry too,” he told him off-handedly. _Hungry for other things_. “Buy me dinner next time if it will give you peace.”

Charles smiled, his cheeks dusted with pink that made him look positively edible that Erik had to take a deep, long breath.

“Yeah, I should buy next time. I enjoy your company, Erik.”

“Me too. I thought you looked good but it turns out you’re fun to be with too,” he said.

Charles’ smile and chuckle were different from the others he had shown Erik and it bothered him a little. Before he could ask though, Charles was talking again. “It’s getting late.”

Erik glanced at his watch and found that it was already almost 2am. He did not realize how late it had gotten.

“We should be heading home,” Charles said.

_Oh no. Not so fast._

“My place is actually really close,” Erik blurted. He internally cursed himself, not meaning to invite the guy to his own apartment. But he was feeling really horny that he found he didn’t really care much after all, not even when he had made his apartment off limits to his other bed partners for some reason that wasn’t important now. “I want to show you something.”

Charles was staring at the table, his easy smile and laughter from their earlier conversations gone. Dread suddenly crept up Erik’s stomach that made him want to take his words back.

“Yeah, okay.”

“What?” Erik asked, unsure if he heard correctly.

Charles stared at him. “I said yes, let’s go to your place.”

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Erik had moved in this apartment four years ago. He really liked it, especially the view it had of the city at night. But despite saying that he wanted to show Charles something earlier, he wasn’t thinking of the city view. In fact, he wasn’t really thinking of anything _at all_. He just wanted to stop Charles from leaving, to bring him home. Now that they were here, the tension was palpable, something he had never experienced in a very long time.

Charles wasn’t like his usual hookups. Despite his inexperience, those blue eyes display intelligence that told him he was aware of what was happening and that he chose it, no matter how he was making it seem like Erik was the one in control. Because Charles was doing _something_ and he was a proud man. This wasn’t just him experimenting despite the undeniable attraction between them. Rather than the usual excitement and anticipation, the atmosphere was filled with something else that Erik couldn’t name. There was desire still, he was sure, but there was something else.

“Take a seat,” Erik said motioning to his leather sofa.

Charles sat down easily. “Thank you. You have a very nice place.”

“Thanks,” he said. Charles looked relaxed and collected and that made him feel a little better. “Do you want a drink?”

“No, thank you. I think I’ve had enough back at the bar.”

Erik poured himself alcohol from his minibar and casually walked to the tall glass windows that led to the balcony. He pushed the curtains open and he smiled when he heard the audible gasp from behind him.

“This is stunning,” Charles said, rising and walking closer. “You can see the whole city. And part of the river… oh and the bridge too!” The sparkling city lights reflected on his big blue eyes as he stared in awe of the view, hands pressing against the glass like he wanted to reach for them.

“I’d let you out there but unfortunately, my railings are newly painted so… maybe on your next visit?” he said suggestively.

Charles glanced at him with a smirk but did not answer.

It was time. Erik slowly walked until he was right behind Charles, stalking his prey, before covering the other’s hands on the glass with his own, caging him. “Tell me if it’s too much,” he said lowly against Charles’ ear. He could feel his hands shaking slightly under his own as well as his uneven breaths as he leaned slightly away from Erik and closer to the glass, fogging it.

Erik breathed in his scent, ignoring the audible sound of Charles swallowing and the sight of his bobbing adam’s apple. Erik stayed there for a moment, making sure Charles was feeling his breath against his neck and when he got no objection, he closed his fist to slot their fingers together as some form of warning before pressing a kiss on the pale neck.

The sharp intake of breath was proof enough that his guest tonight wasn’t as confident as he was acting out to be and Erik found that he rather liked the thought of making this meek but very proud man submit to him. Charles’ head remained facing left as Erik started to nuzzle and nip the right side of his neck, his breaths harsher now like he had just run a mile.

“Relax,” Erik murmured against his skin before resuming.

“Do you… bring a lot of people here?” Charles asked suddenly, his voice a little strained.

At that moment, he began to suck on the skin, making the body against him shake and almost pull away with a slight hiss. Erik knew it wasn’t painful and the other was just surprised, so he kept going until the skin was red. He admired it, thinking about the shade of purple it will turn into in the morning and giving it one last tiny lick before saying, “No, I don’t.”

He was delighted that their heights turned out to be just right as he gently guided Charles’ head to his shoulder. He placed a kiss on the other’s temple and their eyes connected. Fear was evident in those seas of blue tinted with confusion, desire, and that stubborn determination that was making him too proud to run away. He could feel his erection coming and he moved closer, pressing himself against Charles’ back and the other did not disappoint. His eyes grew impossibly wider, undoubtedly feeling Erik’s desire.

“Are you scared?”

“A little bit,” Charles breathed out, not breaking eye contact.

“I won’t hurt you.”

Charles did not say anything. Instead, he put a light kiss on Erik’s neck, mirroring the gesture from earlier but with far less heat, almost shy. Erik smiled before leaning down and finally pressing his lips against Charles’ in a chaste but firm kiss. He wrapped his arms around Charles, pressing him closer against his chest and putting his thigh between Charles’ legs. He gently held Charles’ cheek to keep him there. Charles gasped against his mouth as Erik started to rub his thigh against the other man’s groin. Erik took this as an opportunity to deepen the kiss, capturing Charles’ lips with his own. He wanted to devour that red mouth but held back, keeping the kiss passionate but far too clean for his liking.

After several moments, Charles pulled away, panting and leaning against the glass in front of them. “Give me a moment,” he said breathlessly.

“Okay,” he whispered but he kept his arm around Charles’ waist. He rubbed Charles’ back soothingly while trying to calm himself too. He was so turned on and frustrated that if he wasn’t careful, he might do something reckless.

After a couple of minutes, Charles turned to look at him. “I think we should stop here. For now.”

Erik tightened his hold around him, nuzzling his nape and caressing Charles’ abdomen, dipping suggestively to the button of his pants. “Are you sure?” he asked.

It was a long time before Charles found his voice. “No,” he whispered.

“Then let me do just one more thing,” he said.

Erik slowly undid the buttons,one by one. He could feel Charles’ eyes on his every movement which was both sexy and comforting. Erik wanted Charles to enjoy this as much as he wanted and  to be sure that he would stop this if he was uncomfortable. But Charles’ eyes only widened so Erik slid the pants open with a deft hand, “You don’t have to do anything. I just want you to feel good.”

His hand oh so slowly slipped inside Charles’ underwear. He held back a groan between his teeth and his fingers finally touched Charles’ cock, pleased to find it hard. Charles gasped at the contact, his fingers clawing at the glass while Erik started to stroke him into full hardness. “Hahh,” he breathed and Erik could tell that he was trying to rein in his voice.

“Erik _..._ ”

“Relax,” he whispered, kissing his cheek.

With the golden lights of the city shining in front of them, Erik focused on sending Charles over the edge, listening to his breaths and strangled moans, watching his face contort in pleasure while his eyes tried to stay on the scenery. Charles knees were going weak under him and would have fallen by now without Erik’s strong arms supporting him.

“ _Erik!_ ”

The undeniable pleasure in his voice made him almost painfully hard. He kept working Charles, enjoying the feeling of his hand sliding against the hardening member. He enjoyed Charles’ increasingly ragged and high pitched moans, mingling with his own labored breaths. It took a few moments more before Charles finally let out a choked cry as he spilled in Erik’s hand and on the wooden floor, getting some of it on the glass too. Charles blinked dazedly as his head fell back on Erik’s shoulder, panting loudly. Erik waited a little before tucking his cock back in his pants and gently buttoning it close.

“I think you need to sit,” he told him before leading Charles to the sofa.

 Charles immediately collapsed on it, still breathing heavily. His cheeks were flushed and his brows were wet with perspiration. He stared at Erik like he was in a state of shock and wanting to say something but couldn’t find the words. His cheeks grew even redder when his eyes travelled down and was reminded of the very much present erection pressing against him earlier.

“Don’t worry about it,” Erik said dismissively as he sat down opposite Charles, voice neutral even though his state of arousal was already making him want to consider committing suicide.

“I… But…” Charles stuttered. It was almost worth it to hear the usually articulate man flounder for words. “I may be new to these things but I think it’s common courtesy to at least ensure one’s partner is also… satisfied?”

“You’re not ready for that yet,” Erik said firmly.

“Are you sure?”

 _Dammit_.

“Yes,” he said. “Next time perhaps.”

Charles nodded, smiling a little and fucking running a hand through his hair while licking his lips. Erik wanted to strangle him because really, how could he not know what it would do to people, much more to people with fucking _boners_? He would think that Charles was doing this on purpose but because he knew how clueless he was in even dressing himself, Erik was sure that Charles had absolutely no idea how fuckable he looked. And that made it even more worse.

 “I have to admit though, I am kinda hoping you’d let me off the hook,” Charles admitted sheepishly. “I don’t even know what I’ll do so uh…”

Charles trailed off, looking embarrassed and awkward before suddenly laughing.

“What’s so funny?” he asked, confused.

“Forgive me, I just… Well, this is new to me too. Having no clue in conducting myself to another person, I mean. I’m usually more socially able. But I guess I’ve just never—h”

“Never what?” he pressed.

Charles’ eyes momentarily widened and then he was shaking his head. “Nothing,” he said hastily.

“You don’t have to tell me but I want you to know that you are free to tell me anything. I’d listen.”

“I was going to say I had never been with another man but I already told you,” Charles said, looking at his shoes before smiling again. “And it was… I had no idea it was so…”

Whatever it was that he really wanted to say, Charles was already recovered enough to be his old, confidently acting self. Erik decided to let the matter go, smiling instead and asking, “So what, Charles?”

“Intense,” he finally  finished.

Erik smirked. “That was just a handjob. You do know there are other things too, right?”

“In theory,” Charles said. “I’ve read some things.”

“Ah.This is nice and all but if I have to endure talking about the mechanics of gay sex with you with a hard on, I might just kill myself,” he added casually.

The other laughed, voice full of mirth. There was something so open and innocent about it that warmed Erik up by just watching it.

“Then I should be heading home,” Charles said, standing up and straightening his clothes. His cardigan didn’t look as hideous as it seemed earlier.

“I can drive you,” he began but Charles was already shaking his head.

“No, my friend. I think I’ve caused you enough trouble as it is,” Charles said.

Long after Charles left, Erik was still sitting on his sofa. His erection was still there but it wasn’t bothering him as much as before so he just sat there and let the events of tonight roll in his mind. Still, it was painful so he finally headed to his bathroom to take care of it, remembering how Charles smelled and sounded when he was jerking him off. It didn’t take long for him to come too, the name of Charles falling from his shivering lips.

As he lay on his bed that night, Erik found himself smiling despite not quite getting what he had hoped for. The sound of Charles’ laughter lingered in his mind as sleep slowly took him.

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

On rainy Friday afternoons, Charles usually holed himself up in his apartment to work on his unfinished manuscripts or do research on the writing assignments he got from Emma. Aside from these assignments, he usually gave her a short story every few Thursday afternoons, depending on when he finished one, to be edited and commented on by Friday night via email. But this week was different.

“Tell me again why we can’t do this over the phone?” he asked as Emma entered her office where he had been waiting, sitting in front of her giant desk. He had braved the torrential rain in the streets because she had called him and even though their relationship had been professional and congenial, he tried to be more of the former when it came to work-related things. “It’s horrible outside.”

 “You should really get a car, Charles,” she countered, gracefully taking her seat.

 “You know I can’t afford it at the moment.”

 “You would be able to if—y”

 “There’s a reason why I left that house,” Charles cut her off. “Now please tell me this is something important.”

 Emma grinned. “I’ve read your story,” she said.

 “Alright. Any particular reason you couldn’t just email your thoughts like you always do?”

 “Because something is up. Your story this week is… different,” she said.

 “I based the characters on existing clichés,” he said, shifting in his seat, “the girl from the hopeless romantic and the guy from the usual James Bond-esque hero girls love. It’s meant to be a mocking piece.”

 “Yet these characters had more humanity in them than any of the others you’ve written,” she declared smugly.

 “Excuse me?” he asked, appalled. “Are you saying that my best characters are those two, which are supposed to be caricatures of real people?”

 “I should make myself clear, I meant they are better than any of the others you’ve written _for a love story_ ,” she explained.

 “What?” he blurted out.

 “They’re different, honey. They feel real, more… relatable,” she said with a soft smile. “Now tell me, what causes this pleasant change?”

 Charles couldn’t help snorting when at that moment, Erik’s face flashed in his mind. Because really, _Erik_ ? He was good looking, yes, articulate, and smart but Charles wasn’t stupid and he knew that the guy wasn’t nice to him because he was a good person or, God forbid, had fallen in love with him. For some reason, Erik was _bored_ and horny and Charles had been the one who caught his eye. Now Charles didn’t think he was hideous but he hadn’t pegged Erik to go for someone like him, even if he were gay. It was a surprise that the other persisted on pursuing him and after the last time that they met…

 “Nothing,” he said.

 “ _Nothing_?”

 He shook his head. “If anything, I’d say you’re taste surprisingly leans more towards the obvious, love. I’m slightly disappointed,” he said with a slight smirk. “I should have written that way from the start.”

 “Fine, don’t tell me then,” Emma replied, staring at him like she could see right into his head. “But from now on, your Thursday creations will be love stories.”

 Charles rolled his eyes. “Already a fan,” he teased.

 She just smiled back and nodded towards the door and he knew their meeting was over. That could have been handled over the phone, he thought grudgingly. He gathered his bag and straightened his cardigan as he walked to the door, his mind already wondering how he will brave the rain outside again when Emma called.

 “And Charles”

 He looked back, one foot already out of the door. “Yes?”

 “I’ll find out. One way or another.”

 “See you, Emma.”

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Alright. We can end here. Have an early lunch, and we can resume at one,” Azazel told everyone in the room.

 There was a murmur of ‘thanks’ and shuffling of chairs as the junior engineers and other employees spilled out of the conference room. The middle-aged engineer who was presenting a construction plan proposal hastily put his laptop away and scuffled for the door. Azazel gave him an apologetic smile but the man didn’t even look at him, making a beeline for the exit like a murderer was on his tail. When it was just him and Erik, Azazel sat down beside his friend.

 “What was that about, Lehnsherr? Poor Collins didn’t even make it past slide four,” Azazel said.

 Erik sighed, massaging the bridge of his nose. “Tell me you didn’t really think his proposal was something worth hearing. It’s a waste of time listening to him and frankly, I wonder why we even hired him in the first place now,” he said.

 “True,” Azazel said with a shrug, “but I could have talked to him after the meeting.”

 “You’re being too soft,” he disagreed.

 The other just sighed. “When did you last see Charles?”

 Erik raised an eyebrow.

 “The last time you were this pissed was last week, when we were waiting for him at the bar. But you said he showed up and you were able to bring him home—af”

 “Not bring him home – _bring him home,_ though.”

 “Right,” Azazel said. “But the point is lately, you get pissy when you want to see him. Why don’t you just call him and fuck him?”

 “First off, I am not ‘ _pissy’_ because I want to see Charles,” Erik said, air-quoting _pissy_ in a mocking gesture. “Second, I have called him and we’ll be meeting again soon.”

 “Great, then you can fuck him, move on, and maybe you’ll stop terrorizing everyone here into resigning.”

 “Oh, I’ll fuck him alright,” Erik promised, eyes glinting.

 Truthfully, he had called Charles three times this week but the other only answered the latest one, profusely apologizing as he was currently ‘drowning in deadlines’ and promising to meet him ‘very soon’ as soon as his ‘schedule permits’ him to.

Just thinking about it made Erik want to punch something. Charles may be the right combination of cute and hot but that didn’t mean he could just meet Erik when his fucking _schedule_ was amenable. Not that he was bragging but _no one_ did that to him. Especially not when Erik had brought him to his fucking home, made him come, and then took care of himself in the bathroom like a fucking teenager because he was being considerate and nice.

Later that night, Azazel told him they were leaving the office early and dragged him down to _Genosha_ for obvious reasons. He didn’t listen when Erik said that Charles only went there on Saturday nights, seating him down the bar and insisting that he drink his worries away like any other normal person would. Erik grudgingly took the drink Alex handed him and swallowed huge gulps.

“Where’s Darwin?” Azazel asked, ignoring Erik who was now glaring at the jukebox machine innocently playing some Elvis like its existence personally offended him.

 “He’s at the back. Lots of late deliveries tonight so he’s having a talk with them,” Alex said, glancing at Erik uneasily. “Something wrong with him?” he whispered to Azazel.

The other smiled. “Don’t mind him,” he replied, not bothering to lower his voice. “He just needs to get laid, really badly.”

“Ah,” Alex said, not looking convinced.

Erik could perfectly hear them talk about him and that didn’t help his mood. He felt extremely annoyed at everything and since he couldn’t explain why, that annoyed him even more. He looked around the room, scanning the crowd for someone good-looking enough to take to a hotel room later because maybe Azazel was right, he needed a fuck, badly. But as he jumped from face after face, he found his eyes wandering to brown-haired, young-looking men but none of them are wearing cardigans and fuck, Erik _really_ needed to get laid because he was going to die of blue balls if he thought of Charles one more fucking time.

So he thought he was hallucinating when he actually saw Charles, sitting in one of the more quiet and secluded tables and laughing gently. Erik’s chest tightened and his annoyance evaporated, like a fire doused with cold water, only to come roaring back when he spotted another guy sitting across from Charles and talking animatedly.

“I’ll be right back,” he announced and started marching his way to the happy couple, his head fuming with murderous intent.

So apparently, the little tease was lying because if he had time to go out on a _date_ , then he wasn’t ‘drowning in deadlines’ as he had said, was he? And Charles had been avoiding him for _that_? The guy looked old enough to be Charles’ father.

He straightened his suit, thinking of all the things he could say before dragging Charles away when Azazel was suddenly yanking him back. “What do you think you’re doing?” he asked him.

“Getting back what’s mine,” he said and tried to push him off but Azazel stood his ground.

“You are not thinking clearly, Erik. You go in there, you say your piece, and then what? You think your boy will just swoon?” Azazel asked, keeping his hold on him. “The fuck is wrong with you?”

That knocked a bit of sense into his head. He breathed deeply glancing at Azazel and then back at Charles who was now shaking the other man’s hand. They exchanged a few more words and then the man was walking out of Genosha. Charles took out his notebook and started furiously scribbling down on it.

“Thank you,” Erik told him.

Azazel nodded and let his friend go. “Whatever is going on with you two, just try to keep your head.”

  


\-----------------------------------------------------------------

 

With his interview done, Charles could breathe more easily and take his time with his notes. Though he used a recorder for the whole of the almost hour-long conversation, he liked to write down strong points and ideas that stuck with him every after interview so he took out his notebook and started to jot them down. Mr. Kelly was a fascinating man involved in the local animal shelter and trying to get more people to help by sharing some of the older dogs’ stories. He lived nearby _Genosha_ so when he told Charles to meet him there, Charles was happy that he was meeting him somewhere familiar. Darwin advised him to set their meeting an hour earlier than what was originally planned to avoid the busy times.

 “Friend of yours?”

 Charles looked up and was startled to find Erik standing beside his table, a beer in hand. He took the seat Mr. Kelly was occupying and then placed his bottle on the table.

 “An interviewee. I’m doing a story on the local animal shelter he is managing,” he explained. He wasn’t expecting to see Erik today. In fact, he wasn’t expecting to see him in a long time considering that he had been putting off meeting with him again.

 Erik nodded at him and then adjusted his tie. It was the first time Charles had seen him in his suit and he had to admit that he looked good. “So you, uh, just got off from work?” he asked Erik. Somehow, the other also looked like he was agitated.

 “Yes. My friend wanted a drink so I accompanied him here,” Erik said.

 “Won’t your friend miss you?” he asked politely.

 “Oh, he won’t,” Erik assured him. “And he’s really just a friend in case you’re wondering.”

 He laughed nervously, not knowing how else to react. With Erik looking like he wasn’t going away any time soon, he decided to address the elephant in the room. “Erik, I’m sorry I couldn’t meet you earlier, as I’ve said I am very occupied—a”

 “Yes, yes. I remember what you’ve said, Charles,” Erik cut him off. “But here we are and we both know that if you wanted, you could have made time. I’m not demanding any of it, by the way, but if you’ve changed your mind about this—”

 “No,” he said abruptly, staring at Erik with big eyes.

 Charles racked his brain for something to say as the truth was that he was _scared_ . He was scared of the sudden change in the way he saw himself, who apparently liked men, and the implications it may have in his life. He was scared that a man he barely knew had made him come and that he even allowed such a thing to happen… going back in some stranger’s place and planning to do these things. It was chaos and what scared him most of all was that he actually _liked_ it.

 “I just,” he tried and then failed. “I needed some time to process things.”

 Erik stared at him for a long time before speaking. “And? You still want his?”

 Charles swallowed before nodding. “Yes, I do.”

 Without warning, Erik suddenly got up and then pulled him up and out of the doors, pushing everyone out of the way.

 “Where are we going?” he asked nervously as he was dragged to the familiar car parked in front of the bar.

 “I think I’m going to go crazy if I don’t at least kiss your face off. And for that we need privacy,” Erik answered, a playful smirk on his lips. He almost pushed Charles against the door of the passenger seat before leaning down, hands on either side of Charles’ shoulders. “That’s why if you’re still not sure now, or still have plans of disappearing in the future, tell me now, Charles.”

 He blinked up at him, taken aback by the intensity of Erik’s stare and his words. His body was slightly pressed up against his and that reminded him of their last encounter.

 “I’ll take that as a ‘yes,’” Erik declared and then used his hand to open the door just beside Charles’ hip.

 Erik blazed through the traffic, going down the familiar streets to his apartment before making a sharp right turn to a park. It was completely empty and Erik found a secluded space hidden by tall shrubs where he parked the car. He turned the engine off and without preamble, grabbed Charles by the nape and joined their mouths together.

 It wasn’t like the kiss that they first shared in his apartment. This one was more forceful, hungry, and was turning filthier as it progressed. Erik slipped his tongue in his mouth, deepening the kiss, coaxing his unresponsive one into participating. He couldn’t help the groan from escaping him, swallowed by Erik, and he felt a little dizzy as he clutched Erik’s arms, tasting the beer the other had been drinking earlier.

 A hand was trailing down his neck, pushing the collar away so that his fingers could press against his skin. Erik growled into the kiss when he felt Charles’ clothes stood in the way of his explorations and he kept stubbornly pulling at the fabric.

 Charles gently pushed him and pulled away from the kiss, panting. He smiled at Erik who was leaning down into him again to recapture his lips. “Just a moment, my friend. I happen to like this shirt a lot,” he told him before slipping his cardigan off.

 “Then take off the damned thing,” Erik returned before holding his face with both hands and resuming their kiss with fervor, swallowing Charles’ protests.

 His shirt’s buttons were hurriedly undid as they continued kissing and warm hands were soon rubbing his chest, feeling the dips of his collarbone before exposing his left shoulder and squeezing his muscles before thumbing the skin there.

 “Erik,” he breathed out as soon as he was allowed air, lips red and swollen.

 Erik hummed as he nibbled and licked on the side of his neck, trailing down and rubbing the slight scruff against Charles’ smooth, freshly shaven skin. He stopped at the juncture of his neck and shoulder, licking the skin before harshly sucking it, making Charles keen in mixed pain and pleasure.

 “You are _beautiful_ , Charles,” Erik murmured against his shoulder while kissing it.

 He tangled his fingers into Erik’s hair as the other man continued to kiss and suckle at his neck, lighting up small fires that was stirring up something inside him. “Erik…” he breathed again, words failing him.

 Erik pulled back, smile revealing all his teeth. “Charles,” he said.

 Soon they were moving to the backseat, Erik half-dragging and half-carrying him. Even with the extra space, it was tight. He was pushed on his back while Erik discarded his suit and shirt, revealing his body for the first time. He was much more muscled than Charles, stronger too as he man-handled Charles’ shirt off before grabbing both his wrists and pinning them up. His erection was painfully obvious even with his pants on and he thrusted his hips against Charles’ before leaning down until their mouths were a breath away.

 “What will you do?” Charles asked nervously, looking up at Erik.

 Erik shook his head then gave his cheek a kiss. “Nothing you’re not ready for,” he said and then he was slowly undoing his pants and freeing his erection. Charles gulped at the size of it, momentarily terrified at possibly having to take that in…

 “Not that, my dear,” Erik said, snapping him out of his thoughts. Erik then opened Charles’ pants too and took out his considerably decent in size cock. “This,” Erik said before holding their cocks together in his hand and started thrusting.

 Charles gasped, eyes wide at the sensation of the other’s cock and hand, dragging and causing friction on his own straining erection. Erik gritted his teeth as he continued to move, watching Charles writhe beneath him for some time before capturing his lips in a deep kiss, hips never stopping. Charles grabbed Erik’s arm tightly with one hand while the other reached above him for something to hold onto, landing on the leather covering of the door. He found his own hips moving soon, meeting Erik’s thrust, and he pulled away from the kiss to breathe, back arching in pleasure.

 “ _God_ , oh my… _Erik,_ ” he panted, barely aware of Erik mouthing at his chest now, hands grabbing his sides. “Erik!”

 Above him, he could see the shadows dancing outside the car window and his vision spun with the sensations clouding his brain. He shut his eyes tightly, concentrating on the tightness around his cock and the slick slide of his skin against Erik’s. He had jerked himself off many times before but this was _so much_ different that his past experiences absolutely paled in comparison. The pleasure was steadily, almost _frighteningly_ , building with a promise of an intense release. He looked down and his heart skipped a beat as his gaze met Erik’s, the other watching him squirm and drown in lust.

 “Charles,” Erik breathed right before taking his lips.

 It was too much. Erik was all over him. He could feel him, smell him, taste him...

 Just as before, he spilled generously in Erik’s hand while Erik went on thrusting, the friction making him come longer. Erik soon followed and then he was collapsing down on Charles, heaving chests pressed against each other, skins damp with perspiration. He reflexively combed through Erik’s hair as they lay there catching their breaths, the weight on top of him surprisingly comforting.

 “How are you?” Erik asked against his neck.

 He smiled. “Really good.”

 He could feel Erik smiling on his skin before kissing him there. “Am I crushing you?”

 He laughed lightly. “Not yet,” he said, enjoying the afterglow. Somewhere at the back of his head, something was telling him that this wasn’t as perfect as it felt, that something was wrong but he couldn’t bring himself to care at the moment. He continued to stroke Erik’s hair with his fingers and he heard the other hum contentedly.

 “If you keep doing that, I might fall asleep on you.”

 “Then we should move. Clean up. I feel sticky.”

 “Me too but I don’t feel like moving.”

 “I guess you can stay for a minute more,” he relented.

 Erik propped himself on his elbows to look at his face. “Do you have to work tomorrow?” he asked.

 Charles felt like doing it so he reached out to touch Erik’s face, running his thumb against his cheek. “Yes, Erik, as I am sure you do too. It’s only Friday,” he answered, curious as to where the other was planning to go with this.

 Erik leaned down and they kissed for a while. “Come with me,” he told him when they broke apart. “Let’s spend some time together tomorrow. We can drive to the sea, rent a hut and have a bonfire at night.”

 Charles chuckled, his chest fluttering. “That sounds lovely, Erik but—”

 “Or we can drive up a mountain,” Erik cut him off. “My friend has a mountain rest house . I always have an overnight bag at the trunk of my car so we’d just have to drive by your place to get yours.”

 Charles bit his lip. “Erik.”

 “Or we can just go to my apartment, stay in bed all day, order pizza and watch movies. What movies do you like, Charles?”

 Erik’s face was full of emotions that Charles had to close his eyes and breathe to think. He wanted to ask Erik what he was up to because surely, even though he looked so open and sincere, this wasn’t what it seemed like. But all his doubts and caution were being masked by the sound of his heart, beating so wildly and just so _happy_ that he couldn’t form a valid reason not to go along with this. Why was this so hard to fight? Why did it feel so right? Why…

 “You don’t want to.”

 It wasn’t a question and the tone of Erik’s voice, the uncertainty and barely concealed disappointment, made his chest ache and before Charles knew it, he was speaking.

 “Let’s go then.”

  
\--------------------------------------------------------------------------


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for those following this and gave me comments/kudos! :)
> 
> Here's the part where Erik goes in for the kill. 
> 
> still beta-ed by SomeCoolName.

# 

3

 

No matter how firmly Charles refused, Erik insisted that he drove him back to his apartment to get his things. Be it because of the fear that Charles will start hiding again or the strong…  _ attraction _ he felt right after they had sex in his car, Erik knew he wasn’t letting Charles out of his sight anytime soon. After a lot of arguing and persuading, he found the two of them back on the road in his car, driving to Charles’ place. With all it took to get Charles to agree, Erik had a feeling that he was trying keep something from Erik.

Charles’ apartment complex was a lot less nice than his but Charles welcomed him in a heartbeat, leading the way to the old elevator. He tried to kiss him on their way up but Charles just smiled, gently putting a finger between his lips. “I’m just on the fifth floor,” he said firmly.

They stopped in front of door 503 and he smiled while watching Charles fumble in his bag for his keys.

“What?” Charles asked as he unlocked the door.

Mostly, he was pleased that he knew now where Charles lived. “Two weeks ago, when you went to my place, you said you lived nearby and you refused my offer to give you a ride home.”

“I do live close by. Just two stations away, in fact,” Charles said and pushed the door open.

It was a lot smaller than Erik’s flat but he couldn’t help smile as he stepped in. The place just screamed ‘ _ Charles’ _ in all corners. It faintly smelled of books, like a library and sure enough, Erik found rows upon rows of books lining the walls of his small living room. He could see the kitchen from where he stood near the door, spotting a mug on the sink. Aside from this, the place was clean.

“Just make yourself comfortable,” Charles called as he went into a room, presumably his bedroom.

“Take your time,” he answered and started walking around.

He walked to the kitchen and lifted the mug, smelling and inspecting the small dregs left at the bottom.

_ Tea. How English of you, Charles. _

On the door of the fridge, various-colored post-it notes were stuck. Reminders of important meetings covered most of it, though there were also some that caught his attention more such as ‘ _ eat more vegetables _ !’ and ‘ _ tea is NOT a meal _ .’ He was tempted to open the small fridge but stopped himself, heading back to the living room instead. He scanned the titles arranged in rows but not in any decipherable system, finding a lot of history books, novels, biographies, and even books on various subjects such as physics, genetics, and psychology.

Smiling lightly, he walked towards the bedroom, noting another door that was closed as he walked by. He leaned against the door frame, watching Charles pull clothes out from his drawer and stuff them in a black duffel bag.

“Pack something for the cold,” he said, making Charles jump.

“Don’t sneak up on me like that,” Charles told him. “I’m not used to having anyone else here. And I thought we’re going to the sea? I packed something I can swim in though.”

“Oh we won’t be wearing anything when we go swimming,” he informed him with a smile and enjoyed the blush blossoming on his cheeks. “Can I help you with anything?”

“No, I’m almost done,” Charles said, clearing his throat. “I forgot to offer you anything. I have tea in the kitchen, and—”

“ _ Vegetables _ ?”

“What?” Charles asked, looking confused.

He smiled at him and gave him a knowing look.

“Oh,” Charles said after a moment. “You’ve been to my kitchen then.”

“And here I thought you are not used to having anyone else here.”

Charles smiled, shaking his head. “That’s from my sister, Raven.”

“She moved out?”

“A long time ago,” Charles said. “She’s younger than me so I had to look after her when she was still studying. That was her room beside mine, now it’s my study.”

“You keep in touch?” he asked casually though his interest was piqued.

“Oh yes, we’re very close. We visit each other whenever we can. She lives on the other side of the city now, and often travels for her work.”

He nodded when he suddenly remembered something. “She’s the one you comforted that night, when you had to leave early that one time. It was her, wasn’t it?”

Charles smiled, clearly remembering the said night. “Yes, it’s her. She had a fight with her boyfriend so I had to comfort her.”

“And your parents?” he asked hastily as Charles was giving a look that said  _ ‘you remembered that?’ _

For a second, Charles looked really sad, like he was about to cry, and then it was gone and he was unreadable again, back to packing his bag. He sat down on the bed.  “Raven and I… moved out early. We don’t keep in touch with them.”

Erik nodded and didn’t pry anymore. He wanted to ask more, like why he moved out and why he had an accent, but it didn’t feel right to press.

“And you? Tell me about your family. If you feel like it, that is,” Charles said.

“I don’t have any sisters or brothers. My father died when I was a baby and my mom, she lives in Germany. We used to live together here in the states but as soon as things were looking up, she told me she wanted to go back there where her sisters live,” he said fondly, “but I think she just got tired of waiting in an empty apartment while I spend the whole day at work. She cooks a lot with no one to eat them.”

They both laughed.

“She sounds wonderful, Erik,” Charles said.

Erik walked slowly towards the bed. He stopped in front of Charles and gently pushed him back before crawling on top of him, his knees on either side of Charles’ thighs. “She is,” he whispered and then he was kissing him.

They made out for several minutes on Charles’ bed but Charles gently pushed him away before things got any more heated. He reluctantly pulled away, stealing three more kisses before getting up. He needlessly helped the other up to his feet, his hands lingering around his waist and shoulders.

“If we’re going to do this, we need to get going,” Charles told him.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 

It was almost dawn when they saw the long stretch of beach from the distance, the first rays of gold peeking through the clouds. The drive to the sea took them a few hours but Erik found that he and Charles could talk about absolutely  _ anything _ that the whole trip felt a lot shorter than it actually was. They talked about books, movies, philosophy, politics, their travels, food, and even their work. Charles had wonderful insight to various things so even when they find something they had opposing opinions on, Erik still enjoyed discussing and debating their different views. Even when he was talking about things Charles didn’t know much about such as engineering, he paid attention and had no problem following his explanations. He asked interesting questions and delighted in interesting facts.

Both of them were a bit disappointed that the trip ended so soon when Erik parked the car outside a beach house with a small hut facing the sea.

“I think this is the place,” Erik said as they got off the car.

Charles smiled widely. “I have to admit, I was having second thoughts about skipping work but this is definitely worth it,” he said happily.

Erik smiled and placed an arm around Charles’ shoulders. “Let’s check it out.”

The house was fully furnished and clean, just as the owner told Erik. Azazel had given him the number when he said he won’t be coming in for work tomorrow and that he wanted to rent a beach house, possibly until Sunday, if all went well. Azazel texted him ‘Congratulations, have fun.  _ Lots _ of it.’ which he ignored.

They placed their supplies on the kitchen counter which Charles immediately worked on sorting through, putting all the perishables inside the fridge and the others in the cupboards. Erik helped him with it, smiling slightly whenever they bumped shoulders or brushed past each other in the process, taking each opportunity to touch Charles under the pretense of moving him out of the way. He didn’t seem to be noticing or just didn’t mind.

“And that’s the last of the bags,” Charles announced as he put the chips in the cupboard.

“We make a pretty good team,” Erik commented with a smile.

“We do, don’t we?” Charles said, returning it.

Upstairs, they found two bedrooms, each with a sizable bed meant for sleeping and rolling all day after a swim out in the sea. They caught each other’s gaze, staring at the two doors.

“I don’t mind,” Charles said with a shrug.

“Are you sure?” Erik asked skeptically.

The other nodded, smiling.  “Yeah, you choose. I’ll take whatever’s left,” he said.

“Right,” Erik said, trying not to let his disappointment show. He thought Charles was thinking about sharing a room too. He randomly picked one of the doors, ending up getting the room facing the backyard and had the view of the car. He heard Charles chuckle happily at the sight of the beach through his window from the other room. Erik sighed, smiling to himself as he put his stuff down on the bed. “Are you hungry?” he called to Charles, before following the other to his bedroom.

Charles was standing in front of the open window, letting the sea breeze run through his hair. Erik couldn’t help it, walking over behind him before wrapping his arms around his waist and chest from behind. Charles’ head automatically fell on his shoulder, sighing.

“This is really nice, Erik. It’s been ages since I’ve been to the beach,” Charles said, still looking at the waters.

“We can come back whenever you want, Charles,” he said, watching the other’s face when he saw it again, that sad smile that flashed and then was quickly gone.

Charles said nothing in return and they settled into a comfortable silence, watching and listening to the waves rolling on the sand, feeling the cool breeze on their faces, and smelling the salty scent in it. They stayed like that for a while.

“I was asking if you are hungry,” Erik said and then kissed Charles’ cheek.

“I don’t think so. But I am sleepy.”

“Then maybe you should get some sleep. We did stay up all night,” he said.

He ushered Charles towards the bed and gently pushed him back. Charles let him remove his shoes, socks, cardigan, leaving only a white shirt underneath. When Charles was moving to remove his pants, he turned around and placed the discarded clothes by the dresser, smiling when turned back around and found Charles pulling the comforter off the bed and climbing under it in his black boxers, giving him a glimpse of those creamy legs. He helped him fix the comforter on him, smoothing it out on his chest.

“Aren’t you going to sleep?” Charles asked him, eyes already closed. “Driving… for hours… must have made you tired.”

“Maybe later. I still feel a little restless.”

“Okay.”

When Charles’ breaths evened out and his face relaxed, Erik reluctantly stroked his hair before getting up and walking to the door. He was already a few steps away when he hastily turned back, and thought about sliding in under the warm blanket with Charles. He debated silently with himself before he quickly went outside.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

 

When he woke up, it took some time before he remembered why he was staring at an unfamiliar ceiling, snuggled in an unfamiliar bed. But it was comfortable and the sun was shining brightly through his window. It was closed now and someone also closed the curtains, blocking just enough of the sunlight to give the room a lazy, afternoon glow. He got up to part the curtains, feeling his muscles nicely relaxed as he stretched in front of the window and stared at the glistening sea.

Charles smiled. He went out of the bedroom and smelled something delicious that made his stomach growl. If he had better sense and not feeling too relaxed at the moment, he would have thought that what he did last night, letting a stranger into his home and then running away with the said stranger, was practically begging for a death wish. He would have said so if Raven were the one who did it but right now, he couldn’t find it in himself to be bothered. As he climbed down the stairs, he could hear the sound of the television too, the voice of a male news anchor discussing something mixed with the sound of something sizzling and Erik's voice talking.

He found him in the kitchen, facing the stove as he mixed something in the pan with both hands while his phone rested between his shoulder and cheek. He was speaking in German and was clearly not paying attention to the news droning in the background as he furiously muttered on the phone, sounding annoyed. Charles quietly made his way to the table facing the stove and sat down. Erik's face quickly smoothed out when he spotted him, giving him a small smile. He muttered a few more words and then hung up.

“Problem?” Charles asked.

"Just a minor setback in one of our projects,” Erik replied. “Did you sleep well?"

"Yes, but I think my stomach woke me up. I'm quite hungry."

"Just in time then. This will only take five more minutes."

Charles didn't really mind, admiring the sight of Erik cooking in a simple grey shirt and loose cotton pants. He wished he could have woken up earlier. "Can I help you with anything?"

"Just set the table," he said grinning.

Charles stood, grinning back, then set out to get them plates and cutlery. Erik soon joined him at the table with the plate of freshly cooked seafood pasta. He served them both with generous amounts and even poured wine.

"This looks good," he said and took a bite, "and tastes  _ really good _ . 

Erik smiled. "Thank you. There's some more in the pan if you want more."

"Where did you learn how to cook?" he asked.

"Here and there. My mom taught me when I was younger, said American food wasn't healthy so she doesn't like seeing me eat it. I had no choice, being the persuasive woman that she is but I got into it, I guess. Took a class once, now I've been trying things from the internet."

"Your mother sounds like a really wonderful woman," he said after swallowing another forkful. "I bet she's really proud you developed your culinary talent. I’m repeating myself but this is so good."

"She still thinks her cooking is better but yes, she is proud," Erik said, smiling. "Do you cook?"

"God no," he answered. "I try frying and boiling things but my highest accomplishment is tea. My sister has always been the one cooking for us."

"That explains the notes on the fridge," Erik said. "I knew there was something wrong with you Charles. You can't be  _ that _ perfect."

He laughed. "Oh that's me alright.  _ Perfect _ ."

"No, I've found your flaw. You're human just like the rest of us."

Charles wanted to say that Erik was the perfect one. Good looking, smart, funny, and now, apparently had mad kitchen skills. Only, Charles knew he wasn't. Somewhere in there, there was bound to be something really ugly... Or something about this wasn't real. It had to be. It's just so darn difficult to find.

After eating, Charles took care of the dishes while Erik appointed himself as the dryer, wiping the plates and putting them away.

"Did you get some sleep?" he asked after they were done. They headed outside, walking on the beach with bare feet. The sky was getting darker now and he could see no one in the vast stretch of sand or the cliffs nearby. The closest house was on top of one, looking run-down and abandoned.

"Yes but I got hungry. You were still sleeping when I checked on you so I figured I should go fix something before I wake you up. I had been awake for about thirty minutes when you found me."

The water was cold on their feet and the wind was blowing a bit harder. Charles stared at the water longingly, wanting to take a swim but knowing how bad of an idea it was considering the cold. Those were his last thoughts when Erik, grinning from ear to ear, suddenly grabbed him by the waist, hauled him on his shoulder, and ran towards the water. A very unmanly shriek escaped his lips but he didn't care.

"Erik! What in the world are you doing?!"

"Taking you for a swim."

"No! Have you gone mad?! Put me down! Erik!"

The sea was brushing his ankles now and Erik laughed like a maniac before throwing him into the water. Charles fell helplessly, closing his eyes and bracing for the impact. It was fucking  _ cold _ . He coughed as he immediately got back on his feet, sputtering water while Erik's laughter rang in the air. Seeing that his hair was still dry, Charles immediately decided to do something about it and ran in the waist-deep water to wrestle Erik down with him.

The other didn't expect it and they both fell down as a big wave came rolling in, submerging them both. Erik was the first to resurface, sputtering and coughing, followed by him.

"You are a real  _ bastard _ , you fucking know that?" he called and Erik laughed.

"I think this is the first time I heard you curse, Charles. It's fucking  _ beautiful _ ."

He smirked before splashing water at Erik's face while the other just laughed and turned, walking backwards towards him. When he was close, Erik grabbed him, enclosing him in his arms.

"Are you cold?" Erik asked, touching his cheek.

"Thanks to you," he said, holding onto the other's arm and shoulder. "But I'll live."

When Erik leaned closer, it only felt natural that he did too. Kissing in the middle of the rushing waves didn't feel very silly either despite how cold it was getting and how taller the waves were coming now. Erik's kiss tasted like the sea but it was warm. His hands were warm on him too. When Erik tugged his shirt up, he only had a split second of uncertainty before he was lifting his arms and it felt right to unburden Erik too.  Soon their pants followed and they were both naked, kissing and holding each other as the waves hit them.

Darkness was almost here, stars starting to appear in the gold-blue sky, when Erik lifted him up by the thighs and he unconsciously wrapped his legs around his waist. He almost jerked away when their erections pressed on each other’s skins but Erik didn’t seem to mind, nuzzling his neck.

“I want you,” he breathed into Charles’ ear, making him shiver. “Will you let me?”

Erik’s whisper was deafening compared to the roaring waves all around them.

“Yes.”

 

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

He carried Charles to the bathroom to rinse the salt and sand from their bodies, clothes resting somewhere on the beach outside. He couldn’t care less about them, not now that he was thoroughly making out with Charles under the spray of warm water, tongue deep in his mouth and hands running all over the pale skin and the brown locks. He had been fantasizing about this for a while now and the anticipation was building. Charles was making sweet little noises as they touched, responding to the sensations like  an explorer discovering new lands .

He kept pursuing Charles while they kissed until the smaller man’s back touched the tiled wall. He pinned his arms against it by his wrists, deepening the kiss with a growl while Charles’ hands surrendered helplessly to his hands. He could take him here like this, needy and breathless against the bathroom wall but he refrained, thinking that a bed would much more ideal for someone inexperienced like Charles .

When they parted, they wiped themselves with towels but their hair was still damp as he led Charles to his bedroom. Charles looked nervous and stiff so he gently pushed him down the mattress until he was on his back before slowly crawling over him as he had done back in Charles’ apartment. They moved like that until Charles’ head reached the pillows at the headboard.

“Don’t be afraid,” he told Charles softly, hovering over his lips, “I’ll take care of you, I promise.”

Charles’ wide blue eyes were full of barely concealed panic mingled with lust but he nodded and opened his mouth to receive him when leaned down for a kiss. They exchanged deep kisses before breaking apart. He kissed and sucked at Charles’ neck and throat, trailing down to his chest, nipples, and then his flat abdomen, loving the way the body beneath him shivered and responded.

Charles’ hand suddenly tangled in his hair and he looked up to see him staring at him with wide eyes and panting mouth.

“I want you to trust me but we can stop if you want,” he forced himself to say. It took him too long to get to his point and he might go completely insane if he stopped now but he said it anyway because those eyes could compel anyone into being a better person just by looking.

For one dreadful moment, he thought Charles was going to push him away and back out but then he was nodding and he smiled, hoping he looked kind and not ravenous. Without breaking eye-contact, he went lower until Charles’ half-erect cock was in his face. He parted those creamy legs and settled between them. He gave him one last warning look before leaning down and starting to suck him off.

He heard Charles sharply inhale and then groan as he worked the cock in his mouth, firmly holding his hips down with both hands. He started slow, listening to the sounds Charles was making for cues, and then gradually went faster and less gentle.

“Erik!”

Charles’ cock was fully erect when he pulled away, licking his lips and smirking proudly as he saw the dazed and wrecked expression on his face. He reached for the lube from the nightstand, making sure Charles could see it as he opened the bottle. Charles said nothing, just quietly watching as he squeezed a generous amount on his palm.

“Try to relax,” he said before retaking Charles’ cock in his mouth.

He suckled while his lubed hand caressed Charles’ ass cheeks, fingers gently dipping into the cleft occasionally. Little by little, he got closer and even if he had done his best to get Charles accustomed to this, he still yelped when his fingers finally touched the rim of the puckered hole. He sucked harder as he sunk one finger in and he felt fingers in his hair. He gently slid in and out, working on slicking his insides and opening him up. He let Charles’ cock go when he could already slide in three fingers.

Charles was writhing on the mattress, looking wrecked and edible sprawled like that, skin flushed and damp, legs parted, red lips panting for air, knuckles white as he fisted the sheets with both hands, and cock erect and weeping in desire. He quickly leaned down to join their mouths, his lips pliant against his, as he started to work his hole, trying to find that place that would light a fire in this beautiful body. He tasted Charles’ moan when he found it, back arching in drunken pleasure.

“Erik,” he whined, legs parting wider. He looked confused, clearly not having explored that place before. He groaned when Erik pulled his fingers out. “Please…”

He put on a condom and slicked himself before settling between those legs and lining himself up with Charles’ hole. “Breathe,” he ordered before  slowly easing in , entering him for the first time .

A broken scream fell from those red lips and Charles’ whole body shook violently as he was penetrated, back arching even higher, hands clutching the covers, and eyes wet with tears. He was the perfect picture of desire, his beautiful innocence falling apart under this debauchery, like an angel losing his wings. Erik used all his self-control not to just slam in, giving Charles time to adjust.

“Charles, are you okay?”

“Yes… I’m fine… ”

Every drag of skin was both heaven and hell on his hard cock. He breathed deeply when he was entirely in, his balls touching the back of Charles’ ass. He showered his face with kisses before starting to move, pulling out slightly before sliding back in. Charles’ breathing became more ragged as Erik’s movements gradually got bigger and faster, setting a sweet and torturous rhythm. Charles was tight and hot around him,  _ perfect _ , and he wanted this to last for as long as he could drag it. In the midst of his slow thrusts, Charles suddenly screamed with wide unseeing eyes and he smirked, knowing things were about to get better.

Charles’ legs wrapped around his waist and his hips started to move in sync with him, meeting his thrusts to bury his cock deeper and deeper. Erik was in too deep now and he started to fuck Charles harder, losing himself in pleasure while he tried to hit Charles’ prostate as much as he could. The bed creaked under their weight, filling the room along with their harsh breaths and moans.

Charles’ eyes were wide and wet, minuscule drops of tears clinging onto his eyelashes as he stared at the ceiling while Erik continued to drive into him. He clung to Erik’s arm with one hand while the other desperately reached out for something to hold onto. Erik grabbed that hand and wound it behind his neck, startling Charles and making him look at him.

“Hold on to me,” he told Charles before kissing him deeply.

He swallowed the cries and moans that escaped from those luscious lips as they continued to fuck, drunk in passion. He could feel his climax nearing and he slowed down, dragging the sweet torture for several moments.

“Please!” Charles breathed desperately against his lips and he almost came at the sound of it.

The desperation in Charles’ voice was clear as he blindly pleaded for  _ something  _ that Erik wasn’t sure was. But all roads led to the same end at this point and his only remaining course was to bring them both to the peak.  With renewed purpose, he picked up the pace, trying to chase his desire. He could feel Charles right with him as his walls constrict around his cock as he fucked him harder, making him whine and scream.

“Erik!” Charles cried and then he was coming, long stripes of come hitting both of their abdomens.

Erik felt the intensity of Charles’ orgasm as he clamped down around his cock, pushing him over the edge after a few more thrusts. He fucked him through both of their climax, Charles’ name on his wet lips as he felt himself coming in the tight heat. He closed his eyes, head spinning for a few seconds as he gave one final thrust that made his whole body shiver, before falling on top of Charles, softening cock still buried in him. Charles didn’t seem to mind or was too tired to do anything about it, panting heavily under him so he caught his breath too, breathing harshly against the side of Charles’ neck.

“How are you?” he asked after a few minutes.

“Good,” Charles answered, eyes closed with arms lying limply on the bed, a small smile playing on his red lips.

“ _ Just _ good?”

“Mhmmm…”

“Did you like it?”

“... Very much.”

They lay in silence for a while before they started talking about many things, aimlessly sharing ramblings about nonsense things. They laughed and stared at each other until Charles kissed his cheek and that led to him pushing the other man down and making out.

An hour later, Charles was on his side while Erik thrusted from behind him, mouths joined in a kiss while he fucked him like that. He wrapped his hand around Charles’s cock, making him thrust into his hand everytime he pushed his cock inside him.

It became a pattern. They would talk as they rested, lazily kissing and touching each other and then they would have sex again. He took Charles two more times that night until early in the morning, (on his knees and elbows while his ass was raised in the air, Erik fucking him from behind, and then while sitting on Erik’s lap, bouncing himself on his cock with his arms wrapped around Erik’s neck as they fiercely kissed, tongues touching and eyes closed in concentration and intensity of their love making).

Erik hadn’t had sex this good and intense in a very long time. Charles was beautiful and sensitive, quick to learn and had a natural talent in bed. He couldn’t believe he had never been with another man before but Erik was quite happy about that thought. In fact, thinking more about it, the thought of Charles doing these things with another man didn’t sit well with him. Not at all…

Charles was asleep now and he murmured incoherently when Erik hugged him from behind, his back against Erik’s chest, and slung a leg over his thighs. Erik settled his face on the nook of Charles’ shoulder, feeling relaxed as he inhaled his scent even though they were both sweaty.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

His body sung with pain as soon as his consciousness was regained. He tried to move but there was a weight on his chest and thighs that prevented him, tightening when he tried harder to sit up. He looked to his side and his eyes grew wide.

Erik.

Memories of what they’ve done came flooding back, the touches and kisses, the way the other held him carefully as he fucked Charles in different positions. His face grew hot at the memories and he fought to free himself, needing space. Erik groaned when he finally succeeded at standing up but did not wake. He immediately headed to the bathroom outside the room.

He stared at himself in the mirror and was taken aback. He looked thoroughly  _ fucked _ . His hair was a mess, lips swollen, and red marks littered his neck and chest. He touched one of the marks with his fingers, one that he remembered Erik sucking into the side of his neck last night. It looked angry but did not hurt at all. The other marks were like that too, except for a few legitimate bite marks that he didn’t really remember hurting last night. He hastily turned the water on and washed his face but the change wouldn’t come off. He decided to take a bath after brushing his teeth.

It has happened. After avoiding it and staying away for so long, it finally happened and with a man he just met a month ago. Charles didn’t have any preconceived, romantic delusions about first times. He wasn’t a blushing maid and he didn’t think losing one’s virginity was a big deal, something as important as one’s first haircut. So he was taken by surprise at how  _ good _ it felt for him, like it was something special and meaningful. Which it  _ wasn’t _ .

He forced himself to think about other things, of his ongoing researches and hanging deadlines, things that actually  _ mattered _ . Not to mention the amount of work he’d have to catch up on for leaving like he did, but his traitorous thoughts kept drifting back to last night and  _ Erik _ .

As he washed his hair and lathered soap on his skin, the dull aches of his body, especially down  _ there _ whenever he moved, reminded him. It also brought back memories of the things they’ve talked about, exchanges that made them laugh, debates that got dangerously heated, and the many issues wherein they absolutely agree.

It was the longest shower he had in a while.

He thought about Emma and what she would say if he could hear his thoughts now. She would accuse him of being in love, or maybe Raven would, but they would be both wrong. Falling, at a certain speed, felt like flying after all. Until your face meets the concrete.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Erik blinked at the empty space beside him. He quickly got up and put on his pants before going out of the bedroom hurriedly.

“Charles?” he called nervously.

The door to Charles’ bedroom was open and he slightly calmed down when he saw his bags still sitting on the floor by the bed. He walked down the hall. The bathroom was empty. He turned to the stairs and started to go down.

“Charles?”

The first floor was dead silent except for the muffled sounds of the sea outside. The living room was empty. There was no one in the kitchen. Erik was about to check the car outside when the front door suddenly opened and in came Charles. He was wearing a pair of loose pants and a dark windbreaker. He was holding a pencil and a notebook.

“You’re awake,” Charles greeted him as he unzipped and took off his windbreaker.

“Where have you been?” he asked, hoping his voice didn’t betray his earlier panic.

Charles sat down on the sofa, wincing a little and that made Erik feel a little smug and happy inside. “I went out for a walk. The beach is really pretty with the sun up so I indulged. Sorry, did you look for me? I left a note on the fridge.”

“Y-You did?”

Charles nodded. “You didn’t see?”

“I just woke up. I haven’t gotten the chance to see it,” he said, clearing his throat. “I don’t think you should be doing that.”

“Doing what?” Charles asked. He had opened the notebook on his lap and was now skimming through it. He stared at Erik, waiting.

Erik noted that Charles liked to sit with one of his legs under him, whenever the place he was sitting on allowed for it. It was cute.

“Going out for walks… or any moving in general considering our…  _ activities _ .”

Charles’ cheeks were instantly red, blinking at him before retreating back to his notebook. Erik smirked and would have pushed embarrassing Charles a little more but he was feeling benevolent at the moment.

“How is your…?” he asked.

“ _ Asshole _ ?” Charles supplied helpfully. Erik could see a small smile playing on Charles lips and the sexy fucker looked up from his notebook. “A bit sore, thanks to you.”

“We were a bit rough last night.”

“A  _ bit _ ?”

“I don’t recall you making any protests.”

“I was a bit occupied,” Charles said.

Erik walked to the sofa and plopped down beside Charles. “Getting fucked?” he asked as he lifted Charles’ feet to his lap.

“Getting fucked,” Charles agreed. He slowly slumped against the sofa as Erik started to massage his feet. “You’re quite good at that.”

“Thank you. I do give terrific aftercare,” he said, kneading the heels of his feet.

Charles groaned. “I don’t recall getting that last night.”

He smirked. “If you weren’t in such a hurry to leave…”

He let the words hang in the air and glanced at Charles. They held each other’s gaze as he continued to work on Charles’ feet.

“I wasn’t—a”

“Let’s watch a movie,” he cut him off.

Charles looked like he wanted to say something else but he nodded. He reached for the remote and turned the television on, scanning the channels for something good. He stopped on one which was playing a war movie, currently in the middle of a scene full of explosions. They watched it for several silent minutes until Erik slowly crawled over him and they started kissing.

Sex that night was slow and passionate, filled with lazy kisses and touches. Erik explored Charles’ body, taking his time in tasting every inch of his skin and enjoying the sensations until Charles was whimpering beneath him, beautiful eyes begging him to finish it. He smiled as he took Charles again, pleased at how pliant and responsive his body had become, opening up for him and writhing in pleasure as he moved on top of him. Charles’ face was always expressive and he always saw the intense concentration on it, like he was trying hard not to lose himself in the moment but always,  _ always _ , failing. Erik tried hard to make that battle impossible for Charles to win and took immense pride everytime he succeeded.

They indulged in alcohol after that, drinking the wine they brought with them at two in the morning while they laughed and exchanged travel stories in the kitchen. Charles laughed openly at an incident in a non-English speaking airport Erik had but when he asked what the other planned for the future, what he wanted, Charles only answered very vaguely while joking or finding his way out.

“Maybe to write the next Harry Potter saga… or Twilight,” he said once.

“So… to be a successful novelist and deserve it or to be a successful novelist even though you don’t deserve it?” he asked with a small laugh.

“Yeah, or I could just make a fanfiction of an already existing work and change the characters’ names. That works too, I heard.”

Erik laughed. “Seriously, you got to be writing something now, something that will make you big in the future,” he asked because a brilliant mind like that was surely onto something and he  _ really _ wanted to know.

“I’ll make something big,” Charles announced before surprising Erik and going down on him for the first time in the kitchen. 

For a beginner, Charles carried himself with confidence though Erik could still tell that he was nervous. His hands were slightly shaking when he gently pulled down Erik’s pants with his underwear until he revealed his cock, hands on Erik’s hips. Even from above, Erik didn’t miss the slight bob in Charles throat as he swallowed nervously, his breath ghosting the tip of his member. Erik knew that his endowment was intimidating for someone like Charles but as the other man adjusted himself on the floor and leaned closer, his doubts were quickly replaced by anticipation and interest. The sight of Charles on his knees, face centimeters away from his cock stirred his arousal and he breathed sharply when Charles looked up at him with those big blue eyes before kissing the tip and then giving it a tentative lick. Erik’s grip on the kitchen counter tightened as he watched Charles sloppily lick his cock, his pink tongue darting out obscenely from those red lips. He couldn’t help but grab Charles’ hair, his fingers tightening on the brown locks as Charles took him into his mouth and began sucking. Erik’s eyes rolled into his skull as he gasped at the sensation, no doubt bringing his cock back into full arousal. He kept his eyes on Charles, watching him try to put as much of the member into his mouth while he sucked and swallowed. 

“Don’t push yourself,” he said when Charles gagged at his first attempt, though his voice sounded wrecked and low. He held back from thrusting into that red mouth or from pushing Charles’ head onto his cock.

It was a bit sloppy as Charles was a beginner but it was still good enough to make him forget their earlier thread of conversation.  It took some time but soon, Charles seemed to have adjusted to his girth and was taking him in more deeply, hands covering the base where his mouth can’t reach. Erik focused on the sensation of Charles sucking his cock while watching him, fascinated at the sight. Charles’ hand touched Erik’s, the one holding Charles hair and he understood. Slowly, gently, Erik let his hips move, holding the back of Charles head as he began to slowly drag his cock out of those lips before slipping back in. Charles moaned around his cock but did not complain and Erik took it as encouragement. He repeated the motion several more times, enjoying the sensation and the warmth of that mouth before he was picking up the pace, fucking Charles’ mouth with less inhibition but still holding his full force back to not gag him. Erik’s eyes were slipping shut in pleasure while Charles held his hand in his hair, the other holding onto Erik’s pelvis, but Erik tried hard to keep his eyes open, not wanting to miss any of this. He could feel his climax nearing.

“Charles,” he panted out in warning, gently pulling at Charles’ hair.

But Charles didn’t pull back and soon, he was spilling in his mouth with a loud grunt. He quickly pulled his soft cock out and gently stroked Charles’ cheek as he rose, looking dazed. There was a streak of come running down Charles’ jaw from the corner of his lips and Erik wiped it away with his thumb before pressing his lips on his.  After they parted, Charles was wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, a proud smirk on his face.

By the time Sunday came and they were packing their things back into the car, Erik almost felt sad that their small retreat had come to an end. He made sure to fuck Charles one last time in his bedroom after their late breakfast and he savored every moment of it.

The drive back was silent, almost like they were both being polite despite everything that they did in that small beach house. Charles refused to be driven to his apartment, insisting that he drop him off so he could take the train as he had to attend to multiple errands before he could go home.

“Are you sure? It’s no big deal, really,” he tried to convince him.

But Charles only smiled and said, “I am sure. I had a wonderful time though, Erik. Thank you so much.”

It was polite and sincere and Charles looked beautiful now more than ever but that goodbye was the coldest one he had gotten before parting with any of his bedmates after a night together. Despite Charles’ inexperience and Erik not telling him that there were others, Erik felt like he was the one being had…

“Okay,” he told Charles reluctantly.

Charles nodded and entered the subway with a little jog. Erik watched him join the crowd, disappearing in the sea of people walking briskly.

He had never gotten attached to anyone of them. At the start, he used to have a habit of getting fond of some of his buddies. He would see them a few times more but usually, he ended it after the first date when he already got what he wanted. Sometimes he’d keep in touch for occasional rendezvous but never with just one. It had been how he did things after he lost  _ her _ . But by the time he was pulling out of his parking space, he realized he didn’t want this one to end just yet. He wanted to see Charles again.

But he won’t.

He forced himself to drive away, speeding towards the opposite direction.

 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to the people who are taking the time to leave comments and pressing the kudos button. I really appreciate it! :) This is a little late but it's here.
> 
> still beta-ed by the awesome SomeCoolName

4

 

Charles blinked, his mind torn between running outside for help and going closer to make sure his eyes were not deceiving him. He stood at the threshold of Emma’s doorway, watching his editor sniffle and wipe tears from her eyes with a white handkerchief while she put down a bunch of papers on her desk. _Tears_ . He had known Emma for almost ten years now and never had he seen the formidable woman even as so much as bat her eyes at _anything_.

“Stop being ridiculous, Xavier, and close the goddamn door. You look like a fish out of water,” she snapped and he quickly stepped inside her office, closing the door behind him.

“What happened?” he asked sincerely as he took his usual seat.

Emma stared at him. “You look cute when you’re concerned but it’s making me want to punch you, honey,” she said sharply.

He was used to Emma’s way of speaking to know that she meant she was alright. He spotted the papers she was reading and recognized his latest short story he had submitted her last night and his eyes grew wide. “Don’t tell me…”

“Yes, Charles. The day has come when your _‘bloody’_ love story had brought tears to my eyes,” she said. “Congratulations.”

“You’re serious?”

“Yes,” she replied. “And I think that you’re ready to take charge of the weekly story capsule.”

Charles grinned widely. “You _are_ serious, aren’t you?”

“Now let’s discuss this story.”

Charles inwardly groaned, dreading this new side of Emma that had just recently surfaced. Aside from being the editor that could make full grown men cry when she was critiquing their work, she apparently also had a knack for picking and analyzing one’s brain like an unfriendly psychiatrist.

“Here we go,” he muttered under his breath.

Emma ignored him. “Your characters were really effective again, even more so than in the last story. I love how James got his heart broken in the end. It was perfect.”

Trust Emma to find the breaking of a person’s heart _perfect_.

“Thank you,” he said awkwardly. “I wanted the characters’ story to be like watching a train running fast on a broken track. It’s inevitable… and you see it from a mile away.”

“But the beauty of it lies in watching it go nonetheless?” she asked.

“Yes, and also in that the reader keeps hoping for something else, like it was setup like this and it’s beautiful that it can’t just end like that.  You don’t stick around to watch things crash and burn,” he explained. “People want something _better_.  It’s human nature to always hope even when the odds are against them.”

“Only to watch the flames in the end.”

He nodded. “Crashing and burning.”

Emma smiled knowingly. “I think I might have learned something new about you,” she commented.

“You’ve known me since before I was in college. I doubt there’s much I can surprise you with,” he said.

“Just a scrawny boy with a big vocabulary and an empty pocket,” she said and smiled fondly at the memory. “But still, you just did.”

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

 

The clock said that there was only thirty minutes remaining before his day ended. Charles looked at the small pile of papers that comprised the submissions for the story capsule project. He had gone over them and sorted out which he was considering publishing and those that he would have to reject. He needed to pick out one story from his own portfolio too, but he still hadn’t decided which he should choose.

He thought of a theme, something that would tie all the stories together and make the launching of the new column memorable to their readers. He was listing down possible themes when his phone vibrated. He couldn’t help the sudden leap in his chest and before he knew it, he was checking the screen. He pushed the disappointment he felt as he read the message from Raven, telling him that her photoshoot in London went well, she had some big news to share, and that she wanted to have dinner soon.

It’s been two weeks since his trip to the beach and Erik had never contacted him since. For the past several days, Charles had been immersing himself with work, trying to ignore the dull pain inside. He never stopped to give it any more than a passing thought, a fond look back at what happened in that beach house, never allowing himself to fully examine his own feelings.

But now, in this quiet room of his office, it caught up with him once again and he knew he wouldn’t be able to run away from it much longer. He breathed deeply and for the first time he told himself that maybe, _just maybe_ , Erik’s absence was affecting him.

But it was logical, wasn’t it? Erik had been nice and wonderful. He had shown him a new world he never imagined he’d be delving into, a world that until just two weeks ago, was just fiction for him. Anyone would be reasonably attached to someone like Erik and he _was_ human too, despite how he tried to keep his distance. He wasn’t immune, sadly.

He just had to learn the art of disengaging, that was all.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“See you around, Erik.”

The woman gave him one last kiss before leaving their hotel room, giving him a little wink that he pretended to not notice. Erik was left in the bed, lying with his shirt off and his laptop sitting on his lap. He hadn’t seen Tracie in a while so when she called him last night, he met her here in the hotel where he was going to give a presentation in front of important clients later that afternoon and visit an ongoing construction site nearby. He had to prepare some things anyway so he thought it was a good idea.

It wasn’t.

Already, his body was craving for something else, his mind racing towards the memories of a beach house with a certain someone he had been avoiding for the past two weeks. His skin tingled with the ghost of touching Charles’ body, his voice, his smell, his taste…

Erik abruptly pushed his laptop shut and set it aside. He closed his eyes for several moments and opened them when he was sure that he could stare at the walls again without seeing those vivid blue eyes. He just said goodbye to Tracie and not five minutes after, he was already plagued by thoughts of _Charles_. It was getting ridiculous. He wasn’t even the best partner he had in terms of skill yet…

After a (cold) shower and quick bite, Erik focused on the tasks ahead which thankfully distracted him for hours. He went through his day in blissful buzz and hustle until dinner time came and he got three messages from different _buddies_ , all hoping to meet him tonight. But it was a _Saturday_ and he had reached his limit so did not bother replying to any of them. _Fuck it_. Once he was in his car, he found himself driving the familiar streets to _Genosha_.

Darwin greeted him as he walked in but a crowd was keeping him too busy for a chat so Erik found a table and settled there, his eyes combing through the other patrons for the sight of brown floppy hair and cardigans. He jumped a bit when Alex came over to bring his usual order.

He hadn’t been here in the last two weeks. He purposefully avoided coming here, especially on Saturday nights, even though it took all his self-control and discipline. He could imagine Charles sitting alone in a corner on both of those Saturdays, reading his book or scribbling something in his notebook while he waited for Erik. He could see the subtle hints of sadness in those blue eyes as he waited and waited while the crowd thinned, waited until the bar lights were about to be turned off and the rest of the people had already gone.

Erik cursed under his breath because he did not feel guilty about that. Not at all. He couldn’t be the one to cause Charles this hurt…

Unless in one of those nights, Charles was approached by _someone_ else... Fuck. A faceless man who would never see the brilliance in those pretty blues, buying him round after round of drinks and then taking Charles home. Having enlightened him to the delights of the company of another man, Charles would be bound to be open to experimentation, wouldn’t he? Or maybe he got attached to Erik and didn’t want anyone else… didn’t even look at the others…

“Erik”

He looked up to find Darwin staring at him in a knowing way. He patted his shoulder and sat across from him, putting down two more bottles of beer.

“Is he here?” he asked and he didn’t need to explain who he was talking about.

“No,” Darwin answered with an apologetic smile.

“Did he… did he talk to anyone else while I was gone?”

Darwin sighed. “He has not come here for two weeks, not since you met him here and you two went out together.”

Erik’s stomach sank. “What? Not even _once_?”

“Look man, I don’t know why he hasn’t been coming back. All I know is that he hasn’t come back. That’s all.”

Erik’s face darkened and he downed the contents of his glass before grabbing one of the bottles Darwin brought.

Charles… _knew_?

“But hey,” Darwin said with an enthusiastic tone, “maybe he just got busy like that time when you thought he wasn’t going to show and then he suddenly appeared.”

He just stared at the bottle.

Minutes ticked by and the patrons kept coming in and out of the bar but there was no sight of the man. Everytime the doors opened, he would jerk and find himself looking with something akin to hope, just to get disappointed every single time. There were a few who looked like Charles, had similar hair or his small build, but never the man himself.

He remembered that time when Charles came in late once which kept hope alive.

_“Oh, I was held up at a meeting. I wasn’t sure if I shouldn’t just go home considering how late it is already but I was rather hoping to see you, actually.”_

He took out his phone and stared at Charles’ number, his finger hovering over the ‘call’ icon. What would he even say? After two weeks of disappearance, he couldn’t just ask him out again, could he? But Charles knew. He fucking _knew_ , right from the beginning. That was why he hadn’t been to _Genosha_ since that time. Didn’t that make calling him now perfectly acceptable? But for some reason, Erik was terrified of calling him, of not knowing what to say.

“Fuck it,” he muttered and made the call anyway.

For several moments, he held his breath in mixed anticipation and anxiety while his mind frantically thought of what to say, but then the ringing dragged on and on and his stomach sank. He cursed when the ringing ended and made another call. He could see Alex and Darwin watching him from the bar but they didn’t come over. He made another attempt after another. After several failures, he hung up and typed a quick message which he immediately sent to Charles.

He waited in his table, drinking and alternately checking his phone and the bar’s door. He grew tired of it after a while but he was still the last one to leave _Genosha_ that night.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------

 

“Charles!”

The wind was knocked off of his chest as Raven ran and almost tackled him to the ground with her hug. She didn’t care that the whole crew in the photoshoot was watching as she continued to squeeze the air out of him while ignoring his choked attempts to be set free.

“I missed you so much! I’m so glad you could come!” she said when she finally released him.

Charles laughed and smiled sheepishly at the crew.

“This is your first campaign shoot. Of course I would come. I’m excited to finally see you work.”

“Actually, they’re doing a feature on me and that’s what we are shooting today. The campaign shoot will be tomorrow and you’re staying for that too, right?”

“I don’t have any choice on the matter, do I?” he asked, smiling.

“Nope.”

“That’s what I thought.”

Raven beamed at him. She was in her robe and her hair was caught up in several rollers and giant pins but her face was stunning in her makeup. Charles felt really proud of her at that moment, seeing her for the first time at work, in this big photoshoot getting ready and looking so very happy doing it. He always knew she’d make it.

“Did you have a good flight?” she asked as she led him back to her dressing room, hooking their arms together.

Charles wondered if he was allowed to be here. The set looked busy with people moving here and there with lights, props, clothes racks, and other things he knew nothing about. Many of the crews followed him with their eyes as Raven continued to lead him through the fashion jungle, no doubt wondering who he was.

“Yes, it was fine,” he replied. “They’re looking. Am I even allowed back here? I can wait somewhere, you know. Or go back at the hotel first—”

Raven gave him a look. “Don’t be ridiculous. They know I got family coming but some of these people work on the shoot at the other end of the studio so _they_ might not know. They’re just curious.”

Charles felt relieved when they finally reached the door to Raven’s dressing room. She opened it to reveal a room with white walls though it was hard to see with all the clothes, jewelries, shoes, bags, and hats lining the walls. What he immediately saw was the giant mirror lined with lights and the hundreds of bottles and containers of what he presumed to be makeup scattered all over the counter in front. A chair was being set up by a tall woman with dark blue hair, who smiled as they entered. There was a brown couch cramped at the opposite end of the room and Charles saw a young man with blond hair sitting there, holding a clipboard in his hands.

“Is this him?” the woman asked, smiling kindly at Charles.

“Oh yes,” Raven replied. “Charles this is Elaine, my friend and my makeup artist for the day. Elaine, Charles. He’s my brother.”

Elaine took Charles’ extended hand and shook it. “Nice to meet you.”

“You too. I’m very happy to meet you,” he said.

Raven put an arm around Charles’ shoulder and smirked. “I told you he’s adorable.”

The man suddenly stood up from the couch and approached them, wearing a big smile. “He really is,” he said, looking at Charles and then at Raven.

“Oh, this is Erwin Smith, the director of the shoot. He’s also the one who will be writing an article about me,” Raven said.

“It’s an honor to meet you,” Charles began, “my name is—”

“Oh I know you, _Charles Xavier_ ,” Erwin cut him off with a sly smile. “I’ve read your works on _White_. You’re brilliant. I bet Frost is happy to have you in her staff.”

“Oh… You’re too kind. Thank you very much,” he said, feeling embarrassed that the other apparently knew him and have read some of his work while Charles knew absolutely _nothing_ about this man. “Forgive me but I don’t think I’ve had the pleasure of reading your work.”

Erwin smiled, displaying a set of pearly white teeth, before waving his apology off. “My work is mostly on creative concepts and photoshoots with occasional articles which you wouldn’t read unless you’re working in the fashion industry, so don’t feel bad. _White_ is quite a big publication so many of my colleagues have heard about you. I certainly have, but I had no idea you’re still young… and look like _this_ in person.”

Raven smirked at him and then smoothed out Charles’ cardigan. “Good looks do run in the family, Erwin.”

“It sure does.”

Charles laughed nervously, feeling like he was being ganged up. “Thank you?”

Raven sat on the makeup chair and Elaine immediately started working on her hair. Charles watched the scene with a small smile, feeling his chest swell in what could only be pride, like that of a mother for her child. It was a precious moment and he wanted to remember every detail of it.

“Beautiful,” Erwin suddenly said. He was holding his phone out. “I hope you don’t mind, Charles, but it was too perfect a moment not to capture.”

Charles and Raven turned to him and he showed them the screen. They were surprised to find a picture of Charles looking awestruck at his sister, eyes watery with tears. Raven hugged him tightly. “This is precious, Erwin,” she said.

Charles blinked and smiled at the taller man. “Thank you for taking it.”

Erwin nodded. “May I use this on the feature?”

Charles and Raven exchanged looks. Raven shot her brother a questioning gaze but Charles just squeezed her shoulder and smiled. “Of course,” he replied.

“Thank you,” Erwin said. “Now I know that you’re a writer but have you done any modeling?”

Charles stared at Raven with disbelief but she only shrugged, looking smug. He knew the guy was being nice and maybe flirting with him a bit but Charles was the shortest person in the room and so the answer to that question had to be obvious.

 “No,” he replied curtly.

 “Don’t get me wrong but you’re extremely photogenic, Charles,” Erwin explained quickly and turned to Raven, turning into the most serious Charles had seen him since meeting the man. “Since the theme of the feature is your journey to success, I think it will be a good idea to have a few shots of you with Charles, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Oh I don’t know abou—t” Charles began.

“I think that’s a great idea!” she excitedly interjected. She grabbed Charles’ hands and squeezed them. “We should do this. It will be fun!”

“I can’t do it, Raven. Sorry, my dear but I don’t know how.”

“You don’t need to worry about that,” Erwin said. “I will guide you through it. Look there, sit here, hold that… it will be easy. You won’t have to do much, I promise. I’ll let Raven do the heavy work.”

Charles sighed. As usual, Raven got him into something that he had no plans of being a part of. If he were to participate in this photoshoot, his stay might exceed his supposed three-day visit here and Emma might look for him so a call was a must. Also, good thing he had settled this month’s rent prior to leaving. Still, his deadlines won’t wait… But this was for her career and since this is her first big job, he wanted to be supportive. His only concern was _certain people_ finding the picture but he remembered that he had stopped caring years ago.

“Okay,” he said.

Raven smiled and kissed his cheek, rambling on about how this would be great and how he won’t regret this. Erwin smiled at him and squeezed his shoulder. He was a lot taller than Charles.

“I’m glad,” Erwin told him.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

There was no one at the lobby when he came in, just as before, and he easily made his way up to the fifth floor without anyone stopping him. It didn’t bother him before but somehow, it did now. But he couldn’t really expect such a building to get the same security as his. It was actually a lot nicer than most of the apartment buildings in the neighborhood but still a subpar one all the same.

The floor was deserted so he walked in silence, the soft thuds of his feet was his only company and the beating of his heart against his ears. Erik scolded himself for feeling nervous and over thinking this as he counted down to door 503, telling himself to calm down. He _needed_ more of Charles, he accepted that now, and this is the first step to reestablishing their connection. He had done this a few times before, when some people he met left him wanting and he needed some more time before disengaging.

He didn’t want to presume but it wouldn’t hurt to be prepared so he brought condoms and lube in his bag. He should mention the poor security of the building when Charles opened the door, and bring out the container of food, the same one he had cooked in the beach house, for Charles to see. Erik was pretty sure that Charles wouldn’t ask why he didn’t contact him for more than two weeks. In turn, he wouldn’t ask Charles why he hadn’t been returning his calls and messages this past week.

He stopped in front of the door and breathed in before knocking. When no answer came, he knocked again, louder this time. He had been knocking for ten minutes when the door opposite Charles’ opened and an elderly woman stepped out, wearing a pink bathrobe and a frown.

“May I help you?” she asked.

Erik forced a smile as he brushed a hand over the skin of his knuckles. “I’m looking for the person who lives here.”

She scrutinized him from head to foot before answering, “Charles?”

“Yes,” he answered.

“Are you from his work? He said someone from work might come.”

“No, I’m a… friend of his,” he said. “Is he out? Do you know when he’ll be back?”

“Oh that boy comes and goes as he pleases. He told me yesterday he was off to somewhere again and warned me about someone from work coming to get a packet, which he left here before going to the airport.”

“ _Airport_?” he asked incredulously. “Where did he go?”

“I forgot,” she said simply. “Didn’t he tell you?”

“No.”

“That’s unlike him… he did seem to be in a hurry so maybe he forgot? Oh that boy,” she muttered sternly. “What’s your name, dear?”

“Erik,” he answered. “But you must remember _something_. Did he tell you when he’s going to be back at least?”

She chuckled. “I’m an old woman, Erik. Forgetting things is what I do.”

He sighed exasperatedly. He felt illogically angry at Charles for just disappearing like this even if he knew that the other didn’t have any obligation to inform him. He was already thinking of who to call tonight when the old woman tapped his arm, pulling him out of his reverie.

“Why don’t you have tea inside, Erik. Let’s have a chat and maybe something will come back to me,” she said.

Or he could have a tea with an old woman instead.

 

\------------------------------------------------------------------

 

“And that is the last shot. Stunning,” the photographer declared after taking one last picture.

Erwin immediately checked the shot and nodded in approval. “Beautiful work Raven, Charles. Good work, everyone,” he said and the crew clapped their hands.

Charles smiled as Raven cheered beside him. The suit they made him wear was no doubt expensive but it was uncomfortable, in the way that new clothes or any other things that don’t belong to you felt out of place. Raven gave him a tight hug and said, “You did really well, Charles. Thank you for doing this for me.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Well, I’ll be in the bathroom. I can’t stand having all this gunk on my face… makes me feel like a clown,” she said. “Will you be alright?”

“Go, I’ll just find my shoes. The pair they gave me is a size smaller and my feet are killing me.”

“Welcome to my world,” Raven said, laughing. “Wait for me at the dressing room.”

He watched her walk through the crowd, one of the crew helping her walk in her ridiculous high heels. Even in her glamorous gown and shoes, Raven was still every bit the sister who had wrestled and joked around with him. He knew he was getting sentimental again so he pushed the thoughts away, just in time to see Erwin at the other side of the room. Erwin immediately found him and congratulated him for his work. He had been really helpful throughout the shoot, giving Charles clear and easy directions that helped him get over his own awkwardness and feel more comfortable.

“It was easy. The camera loves your face so there wasn’t much you needed to do,” he said smiling.

Charles wished he had gone with Raven or headed back to the dressing room immediately, bare feet. He didn’t know what to make of such comments and it was making him feel uncomfortable.

“Thank you,” he said, not knowing what else he could say.

Erwin smirked and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Would you like to see the pictures?”

The rest of the crew was almost all gone now, carrying lights and props to the other set. The photographer had left the camera on the table and it was still connected to the laptop as he packed his stand and lenses. Erwin stirred him towards it, placing his hand on Charles’ back.

“I think I’m going to wait for Raven. We’ll look at the pictures together,” he said but Erwin was already placing him in front of the laptop.

“She takes too long when removing her makeup,” he told him as he was pressing buttons on the laptop from behind Charles that he could feel the taller man’s breath on the side of his face. “I’ll just show you the test shots then if you really want to wait for her.”

Charles moved slightly to the left to put some space between them but Erwin’s other hand was immediately on his left arm, subtly keeping him there. He stared down at Charles before pointing to the monitor. “I like this one,” he told him.

The image was of him and Raven laughing together as Raven tried to ride on his back during the shoot. He had to agree that it was a beautiful picture, full of life, but the close proximity of the other man was distracting and getting harder to ignore. “It’s really nice,” he said and tried to move again.

For a moment, Charles thought that the other wasn’t going to let him but then his arm was released and Charles casually stepped to the side. Erwin smiled but did not seem to notice the change, clicking the laptop to reveal another image. They talked about the pictures which were all brilliant. Charles felt more at ease but he kept his distance.

“Pardon me but I have to find Elaine. She hid my shoes from me and I very much want to change back into them,” he said.

“She should be back in the dressing room by now,” Erwin said. “Come, let’s find her.”

Erwin didn’t try to touch him again as they walked, making small talk about the shoot and Raven’s career. Erwin then asked him about more personal things, his work and his life. He politely answered and laughed at some jokes but the conversation was painfully awkward (at least for him) that he was once again reminded of Erik. When they were near the dressing room, Erwin stopped walking and placed hand in front of him. Charles looked up at him with questioning eyes.

“I’m going to be honest with you,” Erwin said, stepping closer and making him step back against

the wall. “I like you, Charles. I want to get to know you.”

“I’m… seeing someone right now,” he found himself saying.

“Back in New York?”

“Yes.”

Erwin looked at him thoughtfully. “Raven did mention something about that. Pity.”

Charles nodded and patted his shoulder. “I really need to get out of these awful shoes,” he said.

Erwin laughed and let him walk to the door. Just before Charles opened it, the taller man said, “Just think about it. I can wait.”

 

\----------------------------------------------------

 

Margaret had two cats, a dog, and three gold fishes in her aquarium. She was a master at knitting and baking, as Erik found out, looking around her apartment while having tea and cupcakes with her. Sweets weren’t really something he ate regularly but her baking and persuasion had him eating two pieces. She had a good sense of humor and her concern reminded him of his own mother. She had been living in the building for more than fifteen years and her daughter was visiting her twice every month. Even though she was already seventy-four years old, Margaret was in good health though she often needed someone to setup new shelves for her teacup collection or to fix the electrical wiring of her apartment. That’s how she met Charles.

“He’s a really good lad,” she said fondly. “His sister too. They always have time to help an old woman with her troubles.”

Erik smiled. “Charles is a nice person.”

“Oh yes and very handsome too! I tried to set him up with my daughter once, you know? It was a long time ago, back when he was still studying in college. Had him meet her here for tea,” she said as she poured more of the hot beverage into her cup. “My Lysa was totally smitten and Charles… well, he was very nice and well-mannered but I could tell that he wasn’t as interested. He was too polite to outright reject her so I had to break my own daughter’s heart. My daughter is still embarrassed whenever I tease her about it.”

Erik could totally imagine Charles doing just that. It fit his personality somehow, not realizing that being as nice as he was without reciprocating was even worse than outright rejection. “How is she now?” he asked.

“She married last year,” Margaret said and brought out a thick photo album. She pointed to her daughter’s wedding pictures and he politely looked. “She married a decent man... but I would have been a lot happier had she gotten Charles, to tell you the truth,” she whispered, winking at him.

Three hours had passed when Erik reemerged from his new friend’s house with a box of freshly baked brownies. He had given Margaret his pasta and she exchanged them with the said sweets. He had no one to share them with and he definitely couldn’t finish the whole box by himself so he decided to bring it to the office tomorrow morning. The corridor was still empty when he stepped out and he knocked on door 503 again, just in case, before going back down to his car.

He texted another buddy from his list, Andrew, and they agreed to meet at the man’s place. When he arrived, Erik immediately pushed Andrew on the bed and was soon fucking him hard, face down, with the lights off. He didn’t even bother removing his clothes but Andrew seemed to enjoy the fast pace, panting hard under him. He immediately pulled out after he came, taking only a few moments to recuperate before fixing his clothes.

“You can stay the night,” Andrew told him from the bed. “We can fuck again in the morning.”

Erik shook his head. “I got work to do,” he reasoned but they both knew it was just an excuse.

“Suit yourself.”

He then found himself back in his apartment, drinking coffee in front of his laptop. Ten minutes after his first search result, his eyes were glued to the screen, drinking in the words of the many published works of one Charles Xavier on _White’s_ official website. How he never did this before was a mystery since he already knew that Charles was a writer. Maybe he didn’t expect to actually find something, had no idea that Charles was this _brilliant_.

Erik read a few interviews and articles written by Charles but most of his works were short stories. He had a small following online but Charles didn’t seem to have a ‘question and answer’ area on his column like other writers did so not much was really available to the public about him, not even a picture of him. He browsed the website a bit more but didn’t find something that interested him.

He did however find _White’s_ head office address in New York.

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------

 

Charles arrived back at his apartment with four more hours before he normally had to get up for work. He slept through his flight back but he had never really gotten the hang of getting rest on planes so he felt like a zombie as he walked in through his door, dragging his luggage carelessly behind him. He was contemplating just calling Emma and informing her that he won’t be coming in for work today but he needed to finalize a lot of things in the nearest time possible so he set up his alarm, praying it would succeed at waking him up in a few hours.

It did but that meant Charles barely got any sleep and he was still groggy as he drifted into the office with his messenger bag, rubbing his eyes and yawning openly. He thought his eyes were finally playing tricks on him when he saw Emma sitting on his chair, facing his desk, in his small office.

“Emma?” he asked as he closed the door behind him.

“Good morning, Charles,” she said. “How’s Raven?”

He blinked and walked to the table to deposit his things, convinced that Emma was indeed here.

“She’s good. She got a really big contract and she’s very happy. I was there during some of her big shoots.”

She nodded and said, “Ever the proud mother.”

“I’ll take it,” he said with a smile. “Now, did something happen?”

Her smile indicated that she had been waiting for him to ask that question and she shifted in the chair, wearing a pleased smirk. “I met him.”

“Who?”

“Erik.”

Charles’ eyes widened and all the sleepiness suddenly fled his whole body. “ _Erik_?”

“Erik _Lehnsherr_.”

That was impossible. Erik was a part of Charles’ life that was supposed to be entirely separated from the rest of his world. He wasn’t supposed to make contact with his friends, his family, much less his _boss_. He stared at Emma, waiting for more details but the woman just stared back with a huge grin, not making the mistake of giving any. He sighed.

“I… where did you meet him?” he asked casually as he unpacked the coffee he had bought on his way there.

Emma inspected her spotless nails. “He just dropped by to give the information packet you left for Hank with your neighbor. He said you were in too much hurry to bring it here yourself before you left. How… _thoughtful_ of him.”

“He came _here_?”

“Waltzed into the building like he owned the place,” she confirmed. “But a lot of the staff didn’t mind. Your man is _quite_ the looker.”

He almost laughed at the mental image because it sounded exactly like what Erik would do and he could totally see how it must have played out. But then again, Erik came here. _Here_ , at his workplace which he supposedly didn’t know about. He brought the package he left with Margaret, sweet _Margaret_ , whom Erik didn’t know. So he didn’t laugh. He was baffled because despite the many calls and messages on his phone that he had ignored, it was over. He _knew_ it was over. Whatever the reason was for those calls and messages, it wasn’t anything Charles was interested in hearing…

“Charles?” Emma called, tearing him out of his reverie.

“Erik is not _my_ man,” he said firmly before taking a sip of his coffee. It was too early for this kind of thinking.

She smiled again. “There’s no need to be so defensive, honey. I did some research on him and with the kind of man Erik Lehnsherr is, he wouldn’t be dropping off packages for just _anybody…_ unless you’re related to him, he owes you something big, or you guys are fucking.”

Charles almost sprayed the coffee out of his mouth but he choked on it instead. He coughed violently, watching Emma smirk through his watery eyes. “What exactly did he say?”

“Just that he’s here to give a package from you. He didn’t talk much but he did mention having tea with you when you get back and… how he missed sea water? I could be wrong but he’s a weird guy so he could be living off of salt water for all I know. I have to say though that I’m impressed, Charles. He is hot but he’s too… strong. I never would have guessed that you’d go for his type.”

He rolled his eyes, both at Emma’s shameless insinuations of his apparent relations with Erik and at Erik’s audacity to drop hints at her, no doubt counting on her passing the message. What did he even want?

“Maybe we’re friends?” he said. “You thought he’s too strong for me but your mind immediately went to us fucking. What the hell, Emma?”

She slightly laughed, waving an elegant hand at his indignation. “Because you’re strong too, not physically, but mentally. Kinda reminds me a little of myself, in a way. It makes sense that only someone like Lehnsherr would be able to make you… submit.”

Charles stared at her.

Emma gazed distantly at the clutter on his desk. “That’s an _interesting_ idea, actually. I haven’t exercised my writing in quite a while. I think it’s time to write a new novel…”

He scowled. “Should I be concerned of this _idea_?”

She rose without answering and walked to him. “Have I told you, one of my pseudonyms is _Frostbites_?”

He shook his head, the name not ringing a bell.

She smiled widely and tapped his shoulder. “Look it up,” she told him before she was leaving his office.

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is one of the shortest, if not the shortest, chapters of this story. But please do enjoy it anyway! Again, thank you for the kudos and comments, they really boost a writer's motivation. :)
> 
> Also, I haven't taken the time to thank Adelay0821 for translating my work in Chinese. Thank you so much!
> 
> Still beta-ed by super awesome SomeCoolName.

5

 

By the time he left his office, Charles was still feeling wide awake, his body not quite ready to retire yet despite his plans of just collapsing on his bed when he’d reach his apartment. The story capsules he had chosen were turning out good and he talked to a lot of the writers who submitted them. One of them, Hank, was a budding writer and currently an intern. Having a conversation with the kid was always wonderful and he could already see a bright future ahead of him - as well as being close friends with him.

As he walked to his building, he thought of Erik and what his visit could mean. The long bout of silence, nineteen days to be exact, after their trip to the beach could only mean one thing and Charles was pretty sure that even he had read that correctly. Erik wanted  _ nothing _ to do with him now that they’ve fucked. The thought admittedly stung but Charles didn’t let his mind linger on it, thinking instead of the possibility that Erik might be reaching out to him for entirely different reasons. He had obviously found his workplace… maybe he needed a writer? It was a peculiar way of getting a meeting with him but then again—

Charles stopped dead in his tracks. In front of his building was Erik’s black car, standing out like a sore thumb in his neighborhood. Half his mind was telling him to turn back around and run away while the other half leap in excitement. His heart was beating faster and before he knew it, he was marching up to the elevator.

When the doors parted for him on the fifth floor to reveal the deserted corridor, he was even more nervous. He quickly walked to his door and unlocked it, wearily looking around the room as he switched the lights on and stepped in.

It was empty. He sighed and checked the rooms to confirm that he was indeed alone in his place. All the tiredness he had been carrying with him since his flight back suddenly caught up with him and he let himself sink down his couch, putting his feet up on the table and covering his face with his hands. He was being silly.

Suddenly, there was a knock calling for him. He sat there, listening to the sound before finally rising and walking towards to the door. He took a deep breath and opened it.

“Did I disturb you, dear?” Margaret asked.

Charles smiled at her, leaning against his doorframe. “No, I just got home so I wasn’t really doing anything.”

Her face lit up and she reached for his arm. “I bet you didn’t bother getting dinner,  _ again _ . Come along, I made a whole pan of lasagna.”

He sighed and allowed himself to be led to her apartment. He was hungry and he did forget to get anything to eat. Lasagna sounded  _ really _ good at the moment, besides, he needed to talk to her about Erik. “Thank you, Margaret. I do love your cooking, you know.”

She led him to the familiar kitchen where he had lots of free meals before with Raven and took his usual chair while she busied herself with the food and getting the plates. He had learned by now that nothing irritated her more than not being allowed to serve her guests in peace so he quietly waited and let her fuss over dinner.

“How is Raven?” she asked as she brought out the huge baking pan from the oven and the delicious smell filled the room, making his mouth water.

“She’s good. Soon you’ll be seeing her face on the papers more,” he said. It was then that he noticed that Margaret had laid down three plates and three sets of cutlery. “Are we expecting anyone else?”

At that moment, Erik walked into the kitchen in a grey, slightly sweaty shirt. He looked surprised to see Charles there and their eyes met, holding each other’s gaze for a long time. Charles blinked and was the first one to look away, noticing that the other was holding a screwdriver.

“It should be working now,” Erik said.

Margaret beamed at him and ushered him to the table, making him sit opposite Charles. “Thank you, my dear,” she said before turning to Charles, “your friend has been helping me a lot.”

“Really?” he asked, watching Erik.

Erik smiled at his food and began eating. He glanced at Charles before saying, “I just fixed a few things. Nothing special.”

“That television, the remote control, my circuit box, the blender… Erik, darling, you have helped me more than you care to acknowledge,” she said.

Charles started to eat too. It was hot and delicious but he was getting more and more confused at  the situation. “What… How did you know Margaret?”

Erik paused, fork hanging in the air as he stared back, answering him as if it was absolutely evident, “We met a few days ago. I dropped by your apartment but it was empty. She told me you left.”

“And I couldn’t remember when you said you were coming back,” she added. “I thought he was Hank so I talked to him. Turned out he’s a friend of yours too so I let him in for tea. Any friend of yours is a friend of mine.”

“He could have been a killer, Margaret. You should be more careful,” he said half jokingly and Erik snorted.

“Why would a killer be looking for you?” she asked, scandalized. “Besides, this is your fault, 

Charles Xavier! You should be informing your friends when you’re leaving. People worry, you know? Honestly, poor Erik had been knocking for quite a while.”

Both Erik and Charles were flustered at the comment, Erik even more so. Charles murmured an apology to Margaret and Erik who reluctantly acknowledged. They ate in awkward silence for a while, Charles avoiding his gaze before Margaret decided to break it while scooping second helpings for everyone without asking.

“So how was your trip? You said Raven is going to be more famous now?” she asked happily.

“Well, it was good. Raven got a contract for two marketing campaigns, one for a makeup brand and another from a clothing company. I watched her do a photoshoot and get interviewed. They’re doing an article on her too,” he said.

“That’s fantastic news!” she exclaimed,patting his hand. “I am so happy for her! I’m going to buy the magazines when they come out! I have the others in my room, all three of them.”

Charles smiled at her before she announced that she will be getting the magazines from the bedroom, leaving him alone with his  _ friend _ . The air between them was tensed as Charles tried to come up with a light subject to talk about. There was no reason that this should be awkward, despite their short history, Charles believed that his social skills were enough to ease this meeting  at least. He was startled when Erik suddenly addressed him:

“So you visited Raven? Where?”

“Los Angeles,” he replied curtly. He apparently just lost the said social skills.

Erik nodded. “I… tried to call you. I left messages—”

“Not now, Erik,” he muttered as Margaret walked into the kitchen, carrying the magazines.

“Here we are,” she said joyfully as she sat down. “These things are so thick. I should have just marked the pages with Raven on them. Have you seen them, Erik?”

“Raven’s pictures? No. I haven’t met her yet actually.”

“Oh she’s a real beauty,” she told him with a wink. “Are you married or seeing anyone? Raven is a model, you know.”

Charles saw Erik’s rueful smile and he swallowed. “Margaret, Raven is seeing someone already. Seems serious,” he informed her.

“Oh? Why haven’t I heard of this?”

“It happened just recently,” Charles explained. “I’ll have her tell you the whole story when she comes for a visit.”

“Alright, but no matter, Erik is a fine young man and he’ll find a beautiful young lady for himself, won’t you, Erik?” she said confidently.

“Actually, I’m  bisexual ,” Erik said casually. “I can go for either but mostly, I like men.”

Charles’ eyes widened in surprise while Margaret was frozen, the lasagna on her fork dangling dangerously over her plate. She blinked before recovering and for a moment, Charles thought that she was going to chase Erik out of her home. Erik seemed to think that way too, his hands clenching into fists even though the rest of his body remained relax, face unreadable, as he waited for Margaret’s response.

“Or a handsome young man, then,” she amended, smiling apologetically.

Charles sighed in relief and was even more taken aback when Erik rose and gave her a tight hug. Margaret smiled at him, patting his back while he hugged her.

“Thank you,” he said before going back to his seat.

She nodded. “I want you to know that you are welcome here, Erik, and I don’t care who you love.”

“Thank you Margaret.  Not many people have been as accepting as you,” Erik said and she smiled at him. He quickly glanced at Charles without her noticing, a small smile playing on his lips. 

“Actually… I think I like someone now.”

“That’s wonderful!” she exclaimed in delight.

Charles mechanically scooped more lasagna into his mouth. Erik was watching him amusedly, and they held each other’s gaze for a moment.

“Tell us about him! Is he from work?” she asked excitedly.

“No, I met him a few months ago. Not very tall, dark brown hair, really smart…  _ beautiful _ eyes,” Erik told her, looking at the ceiling as if thinking hard.

She nodded. “He sounds perfect.”

“Oh, you have no  _ idea _ , Margaret,” he agreed.

“So you two are close now? Did you tell him you like him?”

Again, Erik glanced at Charles before answering. “He… doesn’t seem to be interested.”

“Nonsense!” Margaret said immediately before patting Erik’s arm. “How can you say that? You are very handsome and sweet so I don’t think that’s possible.”

Erik gave her a wry smile. “I don’t know. It’s… complicated.”

Charles resolutely stared at his plate, feeling his appetite fade.

“Well, that certainly  _ sounds _ complicated,” she commented before snorting. “But that’s your generation. Back in the day, it didn’t  _ have _ to be complicated. You like a person, you tell him. If he feels the same, then you stay together. End of story.”

“People’s lives are rarely as easy as that, Margaret,” Charles said, finally finding his voice again. “One way or another, those two people made adjustments,  _ changes _ that surely weren’t easy at all.”

She smiled at him. “ _ Nothing _ is easy, Charles. You know that.”

“Then it also couldn’t have been easy back then either,” Erik added. “Things like these have  _ always _ been complicated. It’s not our generation who is at fault.”

She sighed deeply, as would a mother trying to explain a simple lesson to two stubborn little boys. “It was never easy to make it happen, true, but it was easy to  _ know _ that it  _ has _ to happen is what I’m saying. Your generation is so different because you young ones are always  _ busy _ . Busy with work, busy not paying attention, busy with the future, busy over thinking… Young people these days occupy themselves with the  _ wrong _ things.  _ That’s _ what makes love seem so complicated that you guys already get scared at the mere thought of even trying.”

Charles and Erik fell silent while Margaret softly squeezed their arms, letting her words sink in. Charles sipped water from his glass while Erik glanced at him before returning to his lasagna.

“Then I will try,” Erik declared.

Charles’ eyes automatically found Erik’s and they stared at each other before Charles hastily looked away to smile at Margaret. “I think you’ve given my friend a wonderful advice.”

He didn’t say that it wasn’t the thought of having to try that was scary. It was knowing that it was in vain.

 

\------------------------------------

 

Both of them were carrying containers filled with lasagna when they finally stepped out of Margaret’s apartment. They stood awkwardly at the corridor in front of Charles’ door, silence buzzing at their ears while they thought of what to say.

“That was… interesting,” Erik said, breaking the silence.

“Margaret is a lot like a mother. She likes to lecture me a lot when she thinks I need it,” he said.

“She seems like a smart woman. My mother would love her,” Erik told him. “So um… it’s Saturday night. Why aren’t you at  _ Genosha _ ?”

Charles shook his head. “I don’t go there anymore.”

“Tired of torturing yourself?”

“You could say that.”

“Ah… but then—a”

“Why are you here, Erik?” Charles cut him off, staring directly at the taller man.

“I was helping—”

“You went to my apartment the other day. You showed up at my workplace. And now you befriended my neighbor,” Charles listed off with a steady, neutral tone. “You don’t tal—stopped contacting me for more than half a month—”

“I didn’t mean too! I’m sorr—”

Charles held a hand in front of Erik to ask him to keep quiet, smiling that sad smile again. “It’s okay. I  _ know _ , really, I  _ do _ . It wasn’t… personal. I get that. I just want you to answer my question so this can all...  _ Why _ are you here, Erik?”

Erik’s eyes widened while he floundered, desperately thinking of what to say. Charles’ attitude over what happened, how easily he had just dismissed his absence… the lack of heat in his words. It wasn’t what he was expecting and that wiped away everything from Erik’s mind. More than anything, what confounded him was the feeling bubbling at the pit of his own stomach that was making him feel like he was going to be sick. Or cry.

“I…”

Charles stared at him with those striking eyes of his, patiently waiting for his response and his composure seemed to be stabbing Erik in the gut.

Erik sighed deeply. “I… want to see you.”

The writer just stared on, obviously finding his response lacking and so he waited for an elaboration.

“Is that not good enough?” Erik asked.

“Alright,” Charles conceded, “and here I am. Here you are. You’ve  _ seen _ me. Now what?”

There was a sudden strong urge to shut that mouth with his own in a deep kiss, right in this hallway despite the risk anyone might see, but he felt like Charles wouldn’t be amenable to that. 

Still, his traitorous eyes dropped down on those plump red lips and Charles was rolling his eyes.

“Erik, please don—t”

Erik gave in to his instincts and just pushed Charles against the wall, leaning his face close until their lips were just a breath away. Margaret’s paper bags fell on the floor in a muffled clatter. That seemed to silence the shorter man, eyes wide in surprise. He was nervously looking around the hallway and behind Erik, and he could see the dilemma in the other’s mind, torn between staying here where his neighbors might see, and taking this in his apartment where Erik might initiate  things he absolutely didn’t want to happen right now.

But Charles was breathing deeply, hot against his face and he could feel Charles’ heart thumping wildly against their pressed chests. Those blue eyes were looking at the side, not at all the composed face he showed Erik before. He licked his lips and placed a gentle hand on Charles’ cheek, feeling his body tremble slightly.

“Erik—”

“I’m not… you can’t just throw me away, Charles. I’m not easy to get rid of.”

Charles finally met his gaze. “That wasn’t my intention.”

“Oh, but it  _ was _ ,” Erik countered. “Ignoring my calls, not going back to  _ Genosha _ , not bothering to tell me you were leaving—”

“Not here, Erik,” Charles breathed out. Erik leaned down, resting their foreheads together, refusing to move and Charles winced. “ _ Please _ . Let’s go inside.”

Without warning, Erik yanked him off the wall and opened the door, pushing Charles inside before shutting it behind them. Charles stumbled back as Erik shoved him against the door and pinned him against it like he did outside. Charles’ body immediately grew warm, responding to the familiar heat of Erik’s body despite their long time apart.

Erik felt desire stirring in him as he stared down at Charles’ flushed face, his nervous swallow before peeking out his pink tongue on those red lips. He breathed deeply, reining his arousal but he couldn’t help leaning down, open mouth breathing against Charles’ moist, slightly parted lips.

“Look at me,” he said and Charles’ eyes met his, drowning him in a sea of blue. “Look me in the eyes and tell me,  _ honestly _ , that you want this to end.”

He could taste Charles’ shallow breaths in his mouth and he held the side of his face as Charles tried to look to the side, keeping him from escaping this. Because that’s what he had been doing, fucking _running_ _away_ from Erik. But not this time. This time, Erik won’t let him get away.

“I…” Charles’s eyes looked terrified. A thousand thoughts were running through his head, Erik knew, and he desperately wanted to know all of them, sway them to his favor.

He leaned down slightly, lightly brushing their lips together and feeling Charles’ breath hitch. He slowly nipped on Charles’ plump lips while he placed his leg between Charles’ to part them. Charles grasped his upper arms tightly, fingers digging into Erik’s sleeves.

“I don’t know what you want from me,” Charles whispered breathlessly.

Erik growled and slotted their mouths properly, deepening the kiss. Charles’ eyes fluttered close as he began to return it, touching tongues with Erik who was delighted that something was finally going the way he had predicted, the way he  _ wanted _ , and he continued to plunder Charles’ mouth with his for a long time.

When they parted, Charles eyes were still closed and his lips were wet with Erik’s spit. The sight sent waves of arousal down his clothed cock and he was oh so tempted to drag Charles to the bed and take him there, pin him down and fuck him on his own bed until his sheets were ruined and their mingled scents seep through the mattress so he could smell Erik at night when he’d go to sleep, thoughts filled with Erik, only  _ Erik _ , and what they’ve done...

“Stop thinking too much,” Erik said before forcing himself to step back.

Charles slid down the door, landing on the floor without looking at him.

“I’ll call you tomorrow. Be sure to answer it,” he told him. He did not wait for a response or any form of acknowledgement before opening the door and leaving.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is late. As usual. And I'll be away for some time too. Chapter warnings at the end.  
> To everyone who is keeping up with this and has given me words of encouragement, THANK YOU so much!!! 
> 
> Beta: SomeCoolName (I miss you dearly :( )

6

 

Even as he went through the emailed entries for the capsule story project, Charles’ thoughts kept getting distracted, stubbornly going back to last night’s events. He had started the confrontation with Erik with a strong resolve and knowing exactly where he stood. He was full of confidence and had known what he wanted to say but somehow, Erik managed to shake him off and somewhere in their exchange, he had managed to make Charles forget everything: the fact that they weren’t really  _ anything _ so he couldn’t demand anything from Charles either, that going to his workplace and befriending his neighbor was borderline stalker-ish, and not to mention that it was him who first pulled away, even before Charles had stopped receiving or returning his messages and calls…

He sighed deeply. He had woken up to find two missed calls from Erik and  _ that _ , he didn’t want to deal with either so he buried his phoned under his pillow. He should stop thinking about Erik. There were more important things that needed his attention right now so he focused on the unopened emails in his inbox, scrolling past dozens of entries he had already rejected until he saw two that immediately caught his eyes. One was from Harold Richter, his mother’s lawyer and another from Erwin Smith, Raven’s creative director for her latest photoshoots. He immediately opened the one from the lawyer. His eyes skimmed through the words, eyes widening. His mother wanted to meet him. After all these years of not bothering whether he was still alive, she suddenly wanted to see him.

Charles immediately closed the email, not wanting to deal with the family he had ran away from a long time ago. He opened the one from Erwin, willing to accept any distraction at that moment. 

 

_ Charles, _

_ Just dropping by to inform you that the article with your photoshoot with Raven will come out next month. I already saw the pictures that made the layout and they’re gorgeous. I’m excited for you to see the final product! _

_ Also, there might be a couple of brands interested in using your face for a portrait ad. I’ll be directing the shoots too so you should definitely do them if you’re interested… At least that’s my excuse to invite you here and see you again. I still think about you a lot. I hope you haven’t forgotten me yet… _

_ -Erwin _

 

He reread the email before closing it. Despite Charles telling him that he was seeing someone else, Erwin had been very nice during his visit to Raven though his straightforward approach to getting Charles’ attention and his blatant comments on Charles’ attractiveness in front of everyone made him feel uncomfortable and want to hide under the table. It didn’t help that Raven seemed to be rooting for the guy and making not so discreet reasons to leave them two alone at every opportunity she found. She didn’t listen when he told her to stop it.

“Why should I?” she had asked. “Erwin is a good guy, hot, smart, and clearly interested in you. Trust me, Charles. I wouldn’t do this if I knew he isn’t good for you.”

“Raven, I told you, I’m seeing Erik. I’m  _ not _ available.”

She stared at him for a long time. “This… Erik, are you two serious?”

“Yes,” he lied.

She nodded gravely. “Fine. I’ll stop pushing Erwin to you, not that he needs much pushing… but if you’re really hitting it off with this Erik, then I have no other wish other than for both of your happiness.”

If only Raven knew what was really happening.

Charles groaned loudly, letting the echoes of his frustration bounce off his walls. Life was so much simpler before he met Erik. He vaguely wished that he hadn’t gone out that night. He didn’t need this extra burden with him when something else was already looming in the distance.

He went through four more submissions before feeling his stomach growl and deciding to go out for a quick bite. He hadn’t had the chance to refill his fridge since he got back and he didn’t feel like having lasagna again so he went out. It was cloudy and gloomy outside, a promise of rain hanging over the city. He quickly walked back to his apartment as he didn’t bring an umbrella and rode the elevator up. When he reached his floor, he found Margaret in front of her door, trying to carry two big cans of paint. He quickly made his way to her and carried them in his own arms, startling her.

“Oh you silly boy!” she exclaimed, smacking him on the arm.

Charles laughed. “Sorry, Margaret. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“You will carry those into my apartment,” she said sternly.

“Yes, ma’am!”

She unlocked the door to let them in, instructing Charles to carry the paint to the small library she had made from her daughter’s old bedroom. It had two giant shelves filled with books pushed against the white walls. The bed had been traded for a big, homely couch made for comfortable reading. Charles smiled at the familiar room as he placed the cans on the floor beside the couch, thinking of the many times he had spent writing here when he still didn’t have his own study and Raven was making a racket in their shared apartment.

“Planning to paint the walls?” he called out and she came into the room, carrying a thick pile of old newspapers.

“Yes. I thought painting it a bright yellow would make the room more cheerful,” she said.

“Can I help? I am free this whole afternoon,” he immediately said.

“Thank goodness,” she said. “With you and Erik working, the paintjob will be finished much faster.”

“Me and  _ Erik _ ?” he asked, feeling ice drop in his stomach.

“Oh yes, your friend has presented his help yesterday while fixing my circuit box. He bought the paint but he forgot to buy the paint rollers so he went out again to get them.”

“Oh um, then I’ll just—”

At that moment, the door opened, visible through the open door of the library, to reveal Erik with a huge bag from the hardware shop a few blocks away and Charles cursed. Erik raised an eyebrow at him before making his way inside the room while carrying his supplies with his lean arms that Charles vividly remembered.

“Charles has volunteered to help as well,” Margaret explained happily.

“How nice of you, Charles,” Erik told him icily.

Charles rolled his eyes while Margaret remained completely oblivious to the exchange and said, “Well, since you two are already here, I might as well prepare something nice for dinner. I’ll just be picking out some things from the grocery store while you boys play, okay?”

“Alright.”

“No, wait—”

They both spoke at the same time but Margaret was already closing the door behind her, leaving Charles and Erik alone. Charles hated this situation that was so cliché even though it was happening and he was  _ really _ here. Erik chose to ignore him and moved to unpack the contents of the big bag. It really was much more romantic and fun in the movies…

“Why didn’t you return my calls?” Erik asked casually as he got the brushes and paint tray out. “I told you I’d call you, remember?”

Charles sighed and moved to push away the sofa from the wall. “I forgot to check it. I was working in my study and I left my phone in my bedroom,” he said. The wooden feet under the couch resisted Charles for some time before Erik suddenly took the other end and helped him push the thing to the other side of the room.

“Uhuh,” Erik muttered, looking straight at him before going back to unpacking the brushes and rollers.

It irritated Charles more than he knew it should. “I don’t know what you want me to say. I just told you the truth but you won’t believe it.”

Erik snorted as he worked on laying down the newspaper sheets at the bottom of the walls. “You’re a compulsive liar, you know that, Charles? It might work when you’re writing your lies when making up stories on paper but it’s not the same as saying them out loud in real life.”

Charles grabbed the tape from Erik’s pile of supplies and followed the other man, taping down the sheets to the floor. “Are you really calling me a liar just because I missed a few calls?”

“Oh, I’m fine with you missing my calls. I just hope you’d be honest and tell me that you’re running away from me again and not make stupid excuses about them,” Erik said, shooting him an accusing look. “And you  _ are _ a writer. Mostly of fiction. That makes you a scary, compulsive, elaborate liar.”

Charles couldn’t help the chuckle that bubbled out from his chest and he shook his head as he pressed more tape on the paper, working on all fours. He saw Erik smiling at what he was doing and just like that, the tension and awkwardness suffocating the room were gone. They continued to work in easy silence, Erik laying down more newspaper sheets while Charles pinned them down with tape. When they were done, Erik brought the paint cans on a table which he covered with newspaper and opened one of them.

“So you’ve read my works,” Charles said more than asked.

Erik glanced at him and nodded. “Some of them. My favorite so far is  _ Blind Man. _ It’s brilliant.”

Charles smiled brightly. “Thank you,” he said. It was his favorite too.

“Though I have to say after reading your stories, I think that you are one highly  _ disturbed _ individual, Charles,” Erik said seriously.

“Takes one to know one, my friend,” he returned as he tried to open the other can.

Erik laughed beside him and it only intensified as he watched Charles try and fail to open the stubborn can of paint repeatedly. Charles was using a thin, cylindrical metal rod he found lying on the floor and it kept slipping against the can lid’s edge. He ignored Erik’s chuckles and looked around for something else he could use but he found none.

“Allow me,” Erik said, bowing a little.

Charles let Erik take the evil can and stepped back a little, hands on his waist. Erik smirked at him before fishing his car key out from his pocket and using the edge to pop the lid off the can with one elegant flick of his wrist. Charles rolled his eyes.

“Bravo,” he said dryly before taking the can from Erik.

“Don’t swoon too much, Charles, it’s just a paint can,” Erik told him as he poured the paint into the tray. “Even my mother could have opened it.”

Charles smiled and the other grinned widely at him before handing him a roller. Charles chose to ignore the comment and started to paint the wall the lemon yellow that Margaret wanted. “This is a pretty big wall. You think we’ll have enough paint?”

Erik was looking up and down the white wall, nodding his head. “Yeah, we should have enough if we don’t waste any of it. I do hope you’ve done this before.”

“Doing a paint job?” Charles asked. “Does painting a birdhouse count?”

Erik laughed at him, even if Charles didn’t think it was that funny. “I figured as much,” Erik said.

“Stop judging me, Lehnsherr. I can hear your mind thinking.”

“I’ll try to, but I keep on worrying you’ll waste paint. This wall  _ is _ big.”

“I’m thinking of the upper walls too,” he added in a more serious tone, staring up. “Margaret doesn’t look like she’d have a ladder here somewhere… oh yeah, her daughter threw out the one she owned after Margaret nearly fell off of it.”

“That’s going to be a problem,” Erik agreed. “Do you have one in your apartment?”

He nodded. “Yes though it only has three small steps. I just use it for reaching my top shelves.”

“Let’s give it a try,” Erik said.

Charles placed his roller down and headed to his apartment to retrieve the said ladder. It was hidden in his broom closet under a pile of old cleaning supplies as he rarely ever had the need to take it out. It was a chore getting it from the closet so he settled with avoiding the highest shelves of his apartment and kicking rarely used things under his bed instead. When he got back with his ladder, Erik had already made a lot of progress on the wall. He paused near the doorway, Erik remaining unaware of his return as he continued to roll paint, his leather jacket now lying on the back of the giant couch. Charles could see the well-built muscles flex with the movement of his arms and his plain white shirt riding up a little to reveal some skin as he tried to reach the upper areas with his rollers.

Charles looked away and deliberately thumped his way back into the room, resolutely staring at the floor. Erik immediately turned when he heard his footsteps and moved to take the ladder from him.

“It’s just a folding ladder, Erik,” he said.

Erik laughed then suddenly paused. “Charles, are you alright? You look a little flushed.”

Charles sighed and set the ladder up. He grabbed the roller again before climbing up the three steps. “Yes, I’m fine. I just… the ladder was under a lot of things so I had to lift a few things to get it.”

“Careful,” Erik told him when Charles was finally on the top step and attempted to reach the junction between the ceiling and the wall. He sighed in dismay when he found that even with a ladder  _ and _ a roller, his height didn’t allow him to reach it. Charles glared at the ceiling like it was mocking him with their distance, when he heard Erik  _ laughing _ behind him. He turned to direct his glare at the man.

“Erik,  _ kindly _ shut up.”

“Sorry,” Erik said and abruptly stopped.

Charles could only do so much to protect what little dignity he had left so he climbed back down, but then it seemed that his humiliation wasn’t over as he tripped a little on the second step which resulted to Erik grabbing him by the waist and steadying him. So much for dignity.

“You try,” he told the totem pole of a German when he was safely back on the floor. “If it’s you, you’ll reach it.”

Charles stared at Erik, daring him to comment any further about his height. Erik’s face looked like it was being plagued by the strongest urge to laugh, and it would have been funny, the way he was trying to keep his face neutral, had it not been Charles he was going to laughing at. He could only imagine what he must have looked like, climbing up those steps with a roller and his short arms in his pathetic attempt to reach for the ceiling…

“Stop,” Erik told him sharply. Before he knew what was happening, Erik was holding his face with both of his hands and drawing him forward before placing a firm kiss on his forehead. Charles blinked in surprise and the sexy gargantuan was climbing up the steps.

Charles went back to painting the parts of the wall he could reach, watching from the periphery of his vision as Erik  _ effortlessly _ painted the areas near the ceiling. He forced himself to ignore the man, concentrating on his own work instead.

“I like it though,” Erik said as he dipped his roller back into the tray and climbing back up the ladder.

“What?” Charles asked.

“Your height.”

 

\----------------------------------

 

It took them three hours to paint the whole room and an hour more to eat the delicious dinner Margaret had prepared her ‘handsome workers.’ As fun as the dinner went, Charles found that he much enjoyed the time he and Erik were working together more. They easily fell into conversation which seemed to happen whenever they were in the same room and not busy doing…  _ other _ things. This time, they talked about Charles’ works with Erik trying to analyze them and sharing his opinions with the author himself. Charles enjoyed the conversation so much that he often caught himself laughing openly several times and then he’d drag himself back abruptly. Erik always seemed to know whenever that happened as he would always be watching him or staring at him intensely.

Still, it was hard to stop the natural flow of things as their silences were as comfortable as discussing about Charles’ characters in  _ Countdown Till Midnight _ , his attempt at a whodunit story which was his most popular work of fiction on  _ White _ ’s official website.

It had been a long day and they both stepped out of the apartment again carrying containers of delicious left-overs. Charles could clearly remember how they were just yesterday and he caught Erik staring at him, looking like he was thinking about the same thing. He crossed the other end of the hallway towards his own door while Erik hovered awkwardly behind him.

“Today was fun,” he told Erik with a smile because it was true.

“It was,” Erik agreed.

“I’m happy that you helped Margaret. With her wall… and others things. It’s really nice of you and she deserves it.”

“Yeah, I’m happy I met her too.”

Silence fell between them but it was louder than any words they could have said. Erik reached for Charles’ free hand but this time he was ready and he casually moved it out of reach.

“Good night, Erik,” he said.

Erik nodded stiffly. “I’m calling again tomorrow. Please, answer it.”

Charles nodded but Erik’s face looked like he didn’t believe him. He said nothing of it though, giving him a curt nod instead before turning and walking towards the elevator.

For the first time since they’ve met, Charles felt all his insides screaming to stop him, to go after Erik and wipe that look on his face. He clenched his hands into fists, watching Erik’s back as he neared the elevator at the end of the corridor. He allowed himself only a moment more to look before turning. He fumbled with his keys, resolutely focusing on the task when Erik suddenly called.

“Goodnight, Charles.”

As the elevator doors slide close, the corners of Charles’ mouth quirked up involuntarily as Erik grinned at him, full of teeth and eyes crinkling at the corners.

“Goodnight, Erik.”

 

\-----------------

 

It had been a long time, years, since Emma had called all of the staff, crammed in the conference room. With the exception of those who were on vacation (just two writers, both of whom were on maternity leave since several months ago) Charles saw that absolutely  _ everyone _ was here. Emma was sitting at the head of the long table, hands clasped together in front of her and looking calm. But as anybody in the room knew, she was anything but. Though her face didn’t change, there was a storm brewing behind her eyes. All hushed whispers died instantly as Emma rose from her seat.

“Thank you for being here, everyone. You all might be wondering why I’ve called you so suddenly but this is urgent. As we all have important things to do, I’ll go right ahead and ask. Who among you have  _ stolen _ from me and has helped a rival publication put out a  _ plagiarized _ piece from one of our unpublished stories?”

The room erupted into frenzied mutters and comments. Emma ignored them and turned to plug her laptop to synchronise it with the huge television screen. The noise died down again as the lights dimmed and she began to speak lowly.

“These are screen caps taken from the website of the said publication last night,” she said, flashing the short story on the wall and Charles’ eyes widened. It was one of  _ his _ . He clearly recognized the first few words of that story which he had submitted to Emma a few days ago even though the byline had another name on it. He breathed deeply. It was the story he had chosen for the launch of the new column next month. “It has since been taken down after they’ve received a call from our legal team so don’t bother looking it up but at the time, it already has thousands of views and shares on social media. I know for a fact that this was written by Charles Xavier and is about to be published next month hence, a property of  _ White _ , so I am going to pursue legal action on this and I  _ know _ we’ll win. I just want to find out if there’s another name I should be adding to the list the lawyers will prosecute.”

The people in the room exchanged nervous looks with each other while Emma scanned her staff as if she could see right through their skulls and find the culprit. When no one stepped forward, she added, “If you come clean now, I will forgive you and not press charges on you. However, if you don’t, and I  _ will  _ find you, make no mistake, you will be treated as any other criminal guilty of violating the law.”

Charles had no idea who did it but he almost felt sorry for the poor soul who dared cross Emma. He knew perfectly well how people like that ended up when she was done with them and he reminded again how thankful he was that he had a good relationship with the woman.

“I’m giving you until five to confess. Come to me and this shall end peacefully,” she said and turned the projector off. “You’re all dismissed.”

Charles walked out of the conference room immediately with Hank, the intern, and Angel and Sean, two of the regular staffers like him. A few people tried to stop him to ask about his article, trying to get him to share his submission process and who had access to his works. He brushed them off, telling them that he submitted directly to Emma. Sean and Angel pulled him out of the crowd and they went back to Charles’ office, Hank closing the door behind them.

“Wow, that was unexpected,” Angel said.

“Thank you for getting me out of there,” Charles told them. “I don’t want to lead anyone into believing that someone is responsible when even I don’t know how the leak happened.”

“So you don’t have any idea who did it?” Sean asked.

“No.”

“Could be someone who has a grudge against Emma,” Hank said and the other two nodded their heads. “I mean, really, what this achieved was piss Emma off. I’m not sure the other magazine knew it was stolen… or at least stolen from  _ White _ .”

“I agree,” Angel said.

“I’d question their process then. What kind of magazine publishes something that they don’t know who the writer was?” Charles pointed out. “Giving credit on the byline and respecting others’ hard work. We writers  _ live _ by that.”

At that moment, his phone rang which startled everyone in his crammed office. He fished the device out of his pocket and checked the screen. He was about to reject the call when Angel suddenly snatched it from his hand and pressed the answer button.

“You’ve reached Mr. Xavier’s phone,” she said and Charles’ jaw dropped.

“Give it back,” he snapped, trying to grab his phone back.

“Oh,  _ Erik _ ,” she said and smirked at Charles.

“Oooohhh,” Sean and Hank joined in, smirking at him too.

“Oh for god's sakes,” Charles muttered and took his phone back. Angel let him, giggling slightly.

“Hello, Erik,” Charles said to the phone.

_ “I see that I’ve become quite popular at your workplace.” _

“Well, you did show up here when I was on leave,” he said, ignoring the other three’s watchful eyes, swatting them away when they tried to move closer in an attempt to eavesdrop. “You made a memorable impression.”

_ “Good. That will keep away competition so my objective has been achieved.” _

Charles fought the blush creeping up his neck. “Did you need something? It’s still quite early so I can’t really speak too long.”

Angel, Hank, and Sean rolled their eyes at him but he ignored them, pointing to the door instead.

_ “Sorry, I won’t keep you long. I just want to ask if we can have lunch together. I’m visiting a construction site near your office at eleven so maybe I can pick you up on your break?” _

“Say yes!” Angel whispered angrily from beside him, having migrated to his side.

“We’re free. Emma cancelled all meetings for today with her in case the culprit visits her office,” Sean agreed.

_ “You don’t need to if you don’t want to I mean—” _

“You can come by at twelve,” Charles cut him off and the three cheered not so discreetly.

_ “Great! I’ll pick you up at twelve then. See you later, Charles.” _

“See you,” he said before ending the call and staring at them. “He can hear you.  _ All _ of you.”

“I’m so happy for you, Charles!” Angel squealed giddily. “Erik is such a hottie. Oh my, what a pair you’d make! I wish I could come with just to see you two together. That would be  _ hot _ .”

Sean and Hank was looking at her weirdly but she ignored them.

“Can you stop thinking like that, Angel?”

“Yeah, it’s creepy,” Sean added.

“What? You mean you haven’t done  _ anything _ with him yet?” she asked, ignoring Sean.

Their impromptu trip to the beach suddenly flashed in his mind and he coughed. “That’s… can you guys go back to your own stations now? I have a lot to do.”

“Fine. But I’ll still imagine you two kissing,” she said stubbornly.

Hank laughed while Sean made a face at her as they all walked out of the door. When they were all gone and there was silence again, Charles sighed before going back to his work. It was only half past nine in the morning and he really did have tons of things to do but that didn’t keep him from looking forward to his lunch break.

 

\---------------------------------

 

Ten minutes before the agreed time, Charles was in the middle of editing an important piece for publishing next week when he saw Angel back in his office with a huge grin. He ignored her when she didn’t say anything until he spotted a bouquet of fresh flowers. She carefully cradled them in her arms as she walked to his table, ignoring Charles questioning look.

“I know it’s still early but man, your boyfriend is extremely punctual,” she said as she presented the flowers to him.

He took them reluctantly and checked the clock on his wall. “He brought these?”

 

“Uhuh,” she replied. “He told me not to disturb you but you know, I thought you’d want to know.”

Charles stared at the red roses in his arms and put it on his table. It was loud and flashy, the kind of thing that Erik would go for if he were to do anything. He wasn’t sure how he felt about the flowers. “Thank you, Angel. Where is he now?”

“At the lounge. Hank and Alex are keeping him company but other people are curious too. They think he’s here for an interview or something.”

“I hope they’re not bothering him too much,” he said vaguely as he typed on.

“Charles, they’re red,” she pointed out.

“Yes, I saw that.”

“ _ Red _ . Do you have any idea what  _ that _ means?”

“I’m not really sure but it’s a declaration of something, right?” he asked, giving up on having any more work done and mentally preparing himself to face at least half of his coworkers who would no doubt be nosy about it. And with Erik carrying red roses too…

“No,” she said smugly, “it means, someone is getting some tonight.”

Charles stared at her and she giggled at his face. He ignored her, letting her mind wander to…  _ things _ and locked his computer before getting his wallet and phone, preparing to head out. Angel was a hopeless case indeed. “Please tell Emma I’ll be out.”

“Yes, sir!”

Erik was sitting at the lounge in a grey suit, his back straight and looking like real-life ad for some expensive brand of something. He was talking to Hank and Sean, ignoring the stares and not so subtle whispers of the other employees there when Charles walked in. Erik’s face brightened when he saw him and he rose to meet him, placing an arm around his shoulders and kissing his cheek. He heard Angel squeal somewhere behind him and he flushed.

“Charles,” Erik greeted. “It’s quite early. Are you ready to leave?”

Charles casually freed himself from his grip. “Yeah, but it’s fine. Better take away the distraction now. We do have running deadlines here, you know.”

Erik smirked. “ _ You _ are the real distraction. You keep distracting from  _ my _ work.”

“I’m not the one who brought red roses to an office.”

“Didn’t you like them?” Erik asked uncertainly.

“They’re sweet but don’t you think they’re a bit too much?”

After saying goodbye to Sean, Hank, and Angel, they walked out of the building and found Erik’s car parked in front. They slipped inside and Charles felt more at ease now that they’re alone, not at all used to that kind of attention. Erik handled it with ease, didn’t seem the least bit bothered by all the stares and did a great job pretending they weren’t there.

“It’s not too much when I’m trying to make a statement,” Erik told him before leaning towards Charles, placing a hand on the side of his face before pressing his lips against his. The kiss was firm but chaste, yet it still spoke volumes. “Does it bother you? I apologize if it does.”

“A little bit,” he admitted. “I don’t enjoy being the topic of workplace gossip.”

“Then I will be more discreet next time,” Erik promised.

Charles vaguely thought about asking how many more  _ next time _ will there be, and it was at the tip of his tongue to say that it was okay, that Erik didn’t have too. But he didn’t, opting to just nod at him and buckle his seatbelt. Erik pulled out of the parking slot and drove them to a quaint café that Charles had never bothered visiting since the mere aura of it reeked of expensive, possibly overpriced menu items. He wanted to ask Erik to go to another place but the other suddenly spoke.

“It’s my treat. I closed a big deal yesterday so we’ll be celebrating a bit,” Erik informed him.

“No, Erik, I can’t let you treat me again. I still owe you dinner, remember?” he asked as Erik parked the car.

“Then buy me dinner tonight,” Erik told him, smiling widely.

Charles shook his head but he was smiling too. “I hope you like greasy fastfood.”

They were given a table by the window and after he got over the ridiculous prices on the menu, resolved by Erik ordering for the both of them, lunch turned out to be quite enjoyable. Erik told him about the project he was overseeing nearby, a shopping mall which will cover a huge land area when it’s done. In turn, Charles told him about work, the weekly capsule story section he will be in charge of which he was extremely excited about, and the little incident with the story thief and Emma getting furious, in her own way.

“Doesn’t your building have surveillance cameras?” Erik asked as he cut through halfway of his steak. “A quick review of the tapes will help for sure.”

“We only have that at the reception area and the lounge,” Charles said as he cut through his. “It was already handed over to the legal department and I think they’re in the process of reviewing it already.”

“You should put cameras on all the floors,” Erik said sternly. “I can recommend good companies that provide reliable ones, if you want. Almost all the major buildings in the city already have a comprehensive security camera system.”

“Yes, we used to have that but I think Emma was in the process of upgrading them when it happened so most of them were down.”

“Nice timing.”

“That’s what everybody was thinking.”

Erik then went on a speech about the kinds of surveillance cameras they could get, how they differ and their pros and cons. He listened attentively, genuinely interested at the subject when suddenly, a hand tapped him on the shoulder. He turned his face and was stunned. Standing behind him was Sharon Xavier and her stepson, Cain Marko looking smug and fat.

“Hey, Charlie,” Cain greeted. Just this was enough to sour Charles’ mood.

His mother’s gaze swept him from head to foot, a mild frown on her face like she smelled something fowl, before moving on to Erik who was watching the two newcomers in an expressionless, almost bored interest. After some moments, Charles finally caught with his manners and stood up, falling to old habits and walking to his mother.

“Mother,” he greeted as he kissed her stoic cheek and then he turned to his stepbrother, but not bothering to give a warmer greeting other than a slight nod of acknowledgement. “Cain,” he said.

Her eyes lingered on Erik before returning to her son. “Charles,” she said blandly as her way of greeting.

“This is Erik Lehnsherr, a friend of mine,” he said, gesturing towards Erik who immediately stood and took Sharon’s offered hand before giving it a polite bow.

“A pleasure to meet you,” Erik enunciated perfectly and Charles could almost see a smile on his mother’s frigid features as she gave Erik a nod.

“It’s been a while…” Charles stated awkwardly as he forced a smile on his face.

“I had our lawyer send you a message, weeks ago. Didn’t you receive it?” she cut him off.

Charles swallowed and did not miss the word ‘ _ our’ _ in what she said. After the email from the said lawyer, Charles received two more of the same messages by mail. They thankfully did not have his personal number but he imagined that Sharon Xavier could not be bothered to make a phone call even to her only son and child.

“I did get Atty. Richter’s email. I’m sorry I didn’t reply immediately but I’ve been busy,” he said. At least his mother knew what those words really meant. She taught him the art of subtle balefulness in conversation afterall.

“Clearly,” Cain butted in, eyes directed at Erik. “Finally broke out of your shell, eh, Charlie? Or should I say  _ closet _ ?”

Charles didn’t even dignify that with a response, wishing he could punch his overfed mouth. He could feel the subtle flicker of emotion beside him as Erik turned to stare right back at Cain. Charles sighed dramatically before saying, “Do forgive my stepbrother, Erik. His manners  _ are _ as bad as his tie but he’s harmless. All bark and no bite.” Erik smirked as Cain’s face darkened, shooting Charles a glare that the writer ignored.

“No matter,” Sharon interrupted, shooting Cain a look that made him back off instantly. “You’re here now, and I am free. Since you’re terribly too busy to spare your mother a moment of your time, can we talk now?” she asked before turning to Erik. “I apologize for this sudden interruption but I urgently need to speak with my son. I’m sure you understand, Erik.”

Charles stopped himself from shooting Erik a pleading look. He should have said that Erik was an interviewee, and that this was a meeting for his work, then maybe Sharon would have let him be. He already knew what she would say and he wasn’t looking forward to it at all.

“I’m afraid Charles has promised me to finish our meeting before one,” Erik said promptly, glancing at his watch. “We’re in the middle of discussing the history of the old metropolitan train station which is now under the care of the engineering firm I work for.”

Charles glanced at Erik who merely stared back, waiting for him. “Yes, I need Erik’s insight for an article I’m writing. He’s kind enough to allow me to interview him on his lunch break before going back to work,” he said, in the most casual tone he can mutter. “I’m really sorry, mother. I’ll just send you a message through Atty. Richter.”

Sharon glared at Erik and then at her son while Cain tried to look menacing behind her. “Alright. But I’m expecting to meet you before the week ends, not later.”

“Yes, mother.”

She gave them both one last look before starting to exit, ignoring Erik’s bow. Cain smirked at Charles before following Sharon out into the streets. Charles released a deep breath he didn’t know he was holding and collapsed into his chair. Erik sat down too and patiently waited in silence until they could no longer see the two of them.

“Your mother is quite… strong,” Erik commented casually before continuing to eat.

Charles cracked a grateful smile at him. “That’s a nice way of putting it.” Following Erik’s example, he too picked up his knife and fork and started to eat even if he wasn’t hungry anymore. He never thought he would see her here today and as all of their encounters usually did, this one left him exhausted and a bit shaken. Erik’s nonchalance and steady rhythm in eating while lightly engaging him in a conversation about the project he was working on brought him unexpected comfort. His smooth voice drowned Charles’ worries, soothing his nerves and calming his mind. He could almost forget about the fact that he needed to see her again before his week ended.

“… until construction commences, they won’t be able to—”

“Thank you, Erik.”

Erik stared at him, a strange look in his eyes. He placed his utensils down and gathered Charles’ hands into his before squeezing them tightly.

“Really, I mean it,” Charles continued. “You shouldn’t have had to—”

“I wanted to,” Erik said.

Charles’ breath hitched as Erik brought his hands to his lips, kissing his fingers gently while looking at his eyes. He blinked, thinking of words but coming up with none, floundering for something to do or say until Erik reached for his face and stroked his thumb under his eyes. His cheek felt wet. He didn’t realize that a tear had escaped his eye before Erik wiped it away.

_ How is this possible? _

Charles closed his eyes and captured Erik’s hands into his. He smiled before brushing his lips on  Erik’s knuckles.

“Thank you.”

 

\----------------------------------------------------

 

Erik drove him back to work with five minutes to spare, telling Charles that he will be back at five thirty to pick him up for that dinner they planned. Charles agreed, promising to meet him in front of the building. His friends quickly dragged him into his office when they spotted him walk back from lunch and Angel urgently drilled him for details.

No one came forth to admitting theft of Charles’ story and giving it away. Charles felt annoyed that such an important work of his was now unusable but he quickly came into terms with it, resolving to writing a new one and choosing another one from his unpublished portfolio just in case he did not finish writing the new story. Emma called him in her office around ten minutes before the day ended and they talked about the incident in more detail. He ended up staying there for fifteen minutes past five. He rushed out as soon as Emma allowed him leave, worried because he was unable to send Erik a message that he will be late but when he stepped into the lobby, he found him talking with Angel, Hank, and Sean.

 

“I’m so sorry, Erik—” he started as he approached them but the other only smiled.

 

“No worries. They told me where you were and been keeping me company,” Erik said, brushing his apology off before placing an arm around him and pressing a kiss in his hair.

 

Angel looked positively delighted as she watched them, eyes sparkling before winking at Charles not so discreetly. Erik didn’t ask out loud but he gave her a weird look.

“We told him you got yourself hostage by Frost,” Sean added.

“Thank you,” Charles told them.

“Well, we need to keep going,” Erik said casually.

“You want Charles all to yourself now, you can tell us, Erik,” Angel commented in Charles horror, to which Erik only smirked and they said their goodbyes.

“I’m sorry about that,” Charles muttered as they walked to the door. “My friends, they can be a bit… weird. But they’re really nice. I hope they didn’t bother you too much.”

“They were perfectly fine.”

“Thank you for waiting,” Charles told Erik as they got inside his car. “No one came forth to admit to the deed or give information so Emma is worried. She is usually efficiently concise but her frustration inspired a long rant.”

“It’s hard to imagine her ranting,” Erik said. “When I met her she… doesn’t look like the kind who would rant. She strikes me as someone who would just get to the root of the problem and destroy it, no questions asked.”

Charles chuckled. “That’s true but she’s getting impatient and wanted to vent. Human after all.”

Erik hummed in reply. “So where are we off to? There was a promise of free dinner and I am starving.”

“There’s a McDonald’s down this road.”

Erik stared at him.

“I was quite serious earlier when I told you I’d be buying you fast food.”

They did eat a greasy dinner at McDonald’s but the conversation was even more enjoyable than the one they had at lunch. Charles laughed and talked and listened and enjoyed. Everything was just so  _ easy _ . Even Erik’s foot playfully kicking his leg under their table seemed natural as they talked about fast food which led to obesity which evolved to healthy food options which led to GMOs.

Erik drove him back to his place after dinner and Charles thanked him, wondering if he should invite the German into his apartment but thinking of the story he still had to write. Erik saw his reluctance and instead of asking if he could come in, he gave Charles a sweet, lingering kiss in front of his door that left him breathless.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Erik murmured before resolutely stepping back. “I can’t wait to read your new story.”

“See you,” he replied.

Two weeks more had gone by and Erik took him out for lunch and/or dinner at least nine more times. Two more times they worked together in Margaret’s apartment, finishing the paint job in her mini library and helping her install new cabinets on the walls. Still, Charles never invited Erik into his place and Erik did not ask. Even though they touched and hugged and kissed, no one brought up sex, not even when Charles knew Erik was thinking about it.

So when Raven dropped by for an overnight visit, he was unable to hide the blush that crept to his face when she asked about ‘ _ his Erik _ .’

“Oh my God! When will I meet this wonderful man who has finally made you human?” she exclaimed. “I want to meet this Erik of yours, Charles. He’s got to be  _ wonderful _ .”

“He’s not  _ my _ Erik, Raven, he’s just—a”

“Pfft… Oh please,” Raven cut him off, adjusting herself more comfortably in Charles’ sofa, “you said you’ve been seeing him when you visited me in LA. And you got stars in your eyes, Charles. Fucking  _ stars _ .”

Charles straightened his back on the armchair he was sitting on. “About that… I’m sorry but I… I lied to you back then. Erik and I stopped seeing each other for a while and at that time. I lied because I didn’t want you to push me to anyone of your colleagues.”

“You mean  _ Erwin _ ,” she said. “Forget about it and just tell me more about this cool off period.”

He then told her about the trip to the beach, a cleaner version of it though he knew she could tell it was edited for her, and about the long break. He told Raven about finding Erik at Margaret’s and then lately, their lunches and dinners. His sister listened intently, not interrupting even as she grinned and got excited at some of the parts, speaking only when he was finished.

“I don’t know, Charles but you two sound pretty happy together,” she said. “I’ve never seen you like this before. Not that you’re miserable but now you look… different.  _ Happier _ . I think he’s good for you.”

Charles bit his lip. He knew Raven was right. He was happy spending time with Erik and lately, he found himself looking forward to their meetings more and more. But even if he felt that Erik genuinely made him feel wanted, he still couldn’t shake off that nagging feeling, the small voice at the back of his head that told him that this wasn’t going to last. That he was falling in the exact same hole as everyone else and no matter how pretty this all looked now…

“I’ve only known him for a few months,” Charles said sadly. “I don’t think—t”

“Don’t you dare, Charles! Don’t you  _ fucking _ dare,” she cut him off fiercely. “Don’t you see? You’ve been living your life in a shell all these years because of what you saw from your parents. This,  _ Erik _ , is your chance to break free from that and you’re already dooming your relationship the moment it feels serious.”

“Here we go again,” he muttered under his breath.

“I keep saying it because it won’t get through your stubborn little head,” she said in a matter of fact manner. “You are  _ not _ your parents. It’s  _ not _ a bad thing to try and find happiness in other people.  You are  _ not _ bound to end up like them!”

“ I know that,” he said impatiently. “I know not all women are fickle minded beings who are momentarily infatuated and suddenly want to bolt out the door once the responsibility of caring for a child comes. I know that not all men are liars who can’t seem to satisfy their pricks with just one partner. I know there are people who are  _ good _ , who have good intentions and won’t want to hurt others. I know some people stay together for a lot of years, Raven, but that’s not the case for everyone even if they tried hard. Soon the novelty wears off and we become less forgiving, then difficult to each other until we start hating each other.”

“You know what, Charles? You’re a fucking  _ coward _ .”

He stared at her. “I prefer the word  _ realistic _ .”

She shook her head. “So Erik can end up being a mistake. Maybe, for some absurd reason, you two will end up getting sick of each other or worse. But the possibility of the exact opposite is always there, the possibility that you’ll be one of the lucky bastards who will make it. Why won’t you give it a chance just because there’s a  _ possibility _ of falling?”

His heart leaped at those words, thinking of the possibility of a future with Erik, no matter how long or short that would be. He wanted it. But still…

Raven stood and made her way behind his armchair before hugging him from behind. “You can’t keep living like this, Charles, always looking through the window. Be out there. Just take a deep breath and just… let go.”

His head tilted to side, resting against her temple. He placed his hands on hers, resting on his chest.

“Promise me you’ll try,” Raven said. “Just try at least.”

He swallowed.

 

\---------------------------------

 

Erik's smile was wide as he read the message on his phone, lazily lying on the bed of another hotel room.

"What is it?" his current company asked. His name was Darren or something, handsome, beautiful body and smile, but mouth full of crap. Erik always preferred him silent when they fuck.

Erik ignored the question and reread the message three more times. He felt the mattress dip beside him and Darren was crawling on the sheets, placing his legs on either side of Erik's thighs. Erik moved the phone out of the way as Darren leaned down to kiss his neck, murmuring against the skin, "Are you talking to someone else right now?"

"Maybe," Erik said, a little irritated.

Darren placed a hand on his cheek, turning Erik's face away from his phone and towards him. "You're with me. Pay attention to  _ me _ ," he purred before connecting their mouths. Erik smirked before grabbing the other by the nape as he returned the kiss, his phone falling from his hand and landing somewhere in the sheets as he squeezed Darren's ass.

After they were done, Erik immediately showered.

 

\-------------------

 

The following day after that conversation, Raven dragged Charles to the mall on a mission to find the perfect gift for ' _ his Erik _ ' because apparently, the man will be celebrating his birthday soon and he had already given Charles a few presents on their dates (yes, he was now willing to acknowledge them for what they really were) and Raven found it unacceptable that his brother had never returned the favor even once.

"I don't even know what he likes," Charles told her as they entered a men's clothing store. "I don't know what color he prefers or the size of his shirt. And really, whatever I can buy for him, he can buy for himself three times over."

Raven rolled her eyes. "What do you usually see him wearing?”

Charles sighed, checking out a rack of men’s shirts and cringing at the tag price. “Suits. He sometimes wears turtleneck or v-neck shirts when he doesn’t have work or a meeting with clients.”

“He kinda reminds me of Azazel,” she muttered.

Charles half-heartedly checked out the coats but that area was way worse. “Maybe I should just… buy him a tie?”

Raven snorted, holding back the comment about how obvious it was that Charles was shopping for a boyfriend for the first time,  _ ever _ . “That’s too impersonal. As you’ve said, he can probably buy anything you give him himself so the only thing you can give him will be something that will remind him of you or… share a part of you with him.”

“Like sex?”

“Erik’s probably having blueballs with what you said you’ve been doing and birthday sex would be a  _ fantastic _ gift, but I suggest you still buy him something.”

Charles sighed again. He meant the suggestion as a joke but oh well…

Raven dragged him to five more stores with no success and some of the store attendants recognizing her from the few print ads she had on different magazines. Charles stood at the side or took their photo with her, happy that the photoshoot they did won’t be out until next week. At the sixth person recognizing her, Raven gave up and bought a pair of cheap shades and cap, saying that she didn’t really mind taking pictures but their search was more important. They went to three more stores until Charles spotted a shop and he smiled. Raven was checking her phone for more shops they could visit and he grabbed her arm.

 

\--------------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Erik/OC because he is stupid.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am alive. Just busy. Hope you're still out there? D:
> 
> Thanks again to SomeCoolName for ever being the light of this fic. :D

7

 

Charles sat in front of his computer, absorbed as his fingers travelled across the keyboard, weaving the threads of a world that did not exist. But he could see it clearly, vividly, and he hurried to capture every image s and detail s in words, afraid that if he took too long, he would fail. A mug sat beside his laptop where he drank tea earlier, along with a plate of a half-eaten apple pie slice brought by Raven.

His phone rang and he forced himself to look away from the screen to glare at the device. He sighed at the name and answered it. “No, Sean. It’s a  _ capsule _ story. I told you, unless you cut down your epic fantasy to the prescribed length, it won’t make the launch. Or the section, really…”

He massaged the bridge of his nose as he listened to Sean argue his case for the nth time. He had politely rejected the idea before in person  (  twice already ) and the fast approaching deadline was making him want to snap, especially since he had tons of other things he had to go over. He got rid of Sean after two more minutes, hopefully for good and he sighed again before sinking into his chair. He opened his text conversation with Erik, staring at the last message at the bottom which was sent by him.

_ Dinner tomorrow? Raven is home. :) _

It had been almost six hours since he sent it and he told himself that it wasn’t a big deal, and that Erik was probably in the middle of something very important at work. Maybe his phone was dead and he had no access to a charger. He could have left his phone somewhere? Maybe the network was acting up? Charles had come up with dozens of possible reasons as to why Erik, who usually replied within less than thirty seconds, had yet to give him a reply.

His train of thought turned dark as he started to think of Erik in a hospital or under a car wreckage, ambulance and people shouting, blaring in the background. A cold dread crept up his spine.

 

\---------------------------------------

 

It had been  _ ages _ since Erik had participated in a group rendezvous and he had thoroughly enjoyed himself. Darren had accused him of becoming distracted while the two of them were fucking, kept saying that he was thinking of someone else whom he was doing ‘ _ the big no-no’ _ despite Erik denying the fact, acting appalled that he would dare say that of a veteran like Erik. It was true though, and he knew it. Charles had long since crossed the line from being a casual fuck to something  _ more _ . Erik watched himself make that mistake from afar, knowing full well where it would lead, having seen it numerous times before. Yet he had stood back and let it happen anyway.

He’d have to deal with the consequences, sooner or later.

Darren thought the problem should be remedied immediately and called two of his ‘friends’ he introduced to Erik. By the time Erik was done and on the elevator down, walking to his car, Charles had left him three messages and had called him seven times.

“Shit,” he muttered before calling him. Charles answered on the second ring.

_ “Erik! Where are you? Are you alri—h” _

“Yes, Charles. I’m perfectly fine. I’m so sorry I kept you waiting! I was caught up in a meeting with a difficult client,” he muttered as he slid into his car.

_ “Oh, thank goodness! I thought something bad had happened.” _

Erik smiled despite himself, seeing Charles’ adorable face sighing in relief because  _ he _ was fine. 

“I’m so sorry I’ve caused you to worry. I should have texted you or something. It was stupid of me.”

_ “Don’t be ridiculous. I overreacted, Erik.” _

It should be annoying, Charles’ worry, and Erik remembered a time when he had thought it was annoying coming from someone who really didn’t know him. Yet it wasn’t. “Can I come over? I… you can visually confirm for yourself that I’m still in one piece.”

Charles’ laugh from the other end of the line warmed him.  _ “It’s late. I bet you’re dead tired. You should head home and get some rest.” _

Erik squeezed the steering wheel in front of him. “Alright. And I bet you’re up to your ears drowning in paperwork.”

_ “A bit. And phone calls, and messages, and emails, and documents. Can’t help it, the section will launch soon. Sean is still on about that ridiculous idea of his but I think everything is going fine considering.” _

“I’m so proud of you Charles,” he said sincerely, feeling something clench in his gut. “You really are wonderful.”

“ _ Yeah, yeah. Just make sure you eat and get some sleep, Erik.” _

He was already missing the way Charles brush off compliments like that. “Goodnight, Charles.”

_ “Goodnight, Erik.” _

 

\------------------------------------------------

 

An hour before Raven’s departure, his sister was already considering cancelling her flight, looking at Charles with devastated eyes like she was physically hurting for him and kept on hugging him.

Two nights ago was their last dinner together for her visit and they went to a nice place, somewhere close to where Erik was overseeing a construction. Raven was happy seeing Charles so excited while they waited for Erik, the man she had heard so much about and could quite possibly be seeing regularly in the near future. She was excited to meet him too, being the person responsible for that sparkle in her brother’s eyes and the stupid grin on his face.

“He’s a bit late,” Charles said, drinking some wine.

“Don’t sweat it,” she said, grinning widely. “Whatever his excuse is, I’ll be sure to grill his ass on it.”

“Raven, I really hope you wouldn’t.”

“Kidding!” she surrendered. “I know he’s important to you so I won’t give him the Xavier Sibling customary hazing. Yet.”

“ _ Raven _ .”

But time ticked by and by. The wine warmed and their dinner got cold. Raven detested the way Charles’ face was forcing a smile on while he tried to contact Erik repeatedly but to no avail. She dragged him up after settling their bill, Charles too busy with his phone to notice, when the server told them they’d be closing soon. Charles kept fussing about how Erik might be in some sort of trouble and she smiled at him, reassuring him that Erik was fine and that she’d just meet him another day since she had a few more days left there though she felt something bad about it.

It grew when Erik’s birthday came and he was a no-show yet again. Her blood was boiling red as she joked and tried to chase the morose expression off of Charles’ face. He laughed politely at times though mostly, he stared at the door of the restaurant. He casually checked his phone every now and then, and by the time they were being led out by a restaurant server for the second time, Raven was feeling murderous and would have annihilated the stupid gift wrapped in blue paper and silver ribbons that Charles placed back into his coat pocket, the mere sight of which was already making her see red. So she did the only sane thing to do which was to get it out of their sight, stuffing the stupid box into Charles’ worn messenger bag. Charles was surprised when she snatched it from his pocket but only  watched with resignation as she buried the thing under his notebooks.

“This looks ancient,” she told him, fingering the old leather bag. “Come on, I’ll buy you a new one.” Charles allowed her to drag him out and babble loudly about designer labels she had seen on her last runway and how it would suit him.

And now she was less than an hour away from not seeing Charles again for weeks. He was dragging her luggage by the door and busying himself with her other bags but she could see how much he was hurting.

“I won’t leave. Not until this is fixed,” she said finally.

Charles looked at her like she was being ridiculous. “Of course you’ll leave. Raven, you’re contractually bound to be at Paris by tomorrow. Really, I’m okay.”

“No, you’re not!” she said and walked over to him, hugging his shorter frame tightly. “That fucking bastard is doing something and I will personally see to his death.”

He snorted. “I doubt he’s doing something worth your wrath. A kick maybe.”

“He stood us up.  _ Twice _ !” she said.

“And as you’ve said, he’s important to me.”

Raven stared at her brother for a long time before nodding. “Fine. But I get to punch him when I get back and you won’t stand in the way. Okay?”

“Okay,” Charles said.

“I just want you to be happy. I feel like a shitty sister leaving you like this.”

“I’ll be very happy to see your face on another magazine,” he said firmly.

 

\----------------------------------------------------------

 

Emma spared no expense on dinner, smiling at the long table of an expensive hotel at all the staff members of the new section headed by Charles. The launch had been a success and greatly boosted the magazine’s popularity with the online readers. Everyone of his seven-member team was eating and drinking indulgently and Charles tried to soak up the feeling of celebration and success he knew he should be drowning in right now. The food was bland and unappealing, save for the alcohol which he chose to indulge in.

Emma, Sean, Angel, and Hank were all watching him silently, trying to be discreet but he knew what they were thinking. They didn’t see Erik anymore and they thought that they had a fight or something. But it wasn’t that. After Erik’s birthday, Charles never saw or heard from Erik again. 

Unlike before, he knew that Erik was in no immediate danger as he had spotted him just yesterday, stepping out of his car and briskly walking to the construction site he told Charles about while he was on his way to meet their family lawyer. The urge to follow Erik and talk to him had been overwhelming but somehow, Charles found himself freezing on the spot. He was scared so instead, he tried to call and message him. He got nothing in return.

Half of his mind was convinced that he had done something that angered Erik though no matter how hard he thought, he couldn’t come up with a possible incident. The other half was thoroughly decided that Erik had decided to leave, even though he knew it was absurd because he was certain Erik wouldn’t do that.

Would he?

“Excuse me,” he said before making his way to the men’s room, feeling eyes on his back as he walked.

He splashed water on his face before slightly slapping his cheek. The food at the table was making him feel sick. Laughing and pretending to be okay in front of everyone made him feel like crying. He felt suffocated and he did not want to go back to see those pitiful eyes watching his every move.

Soon, he found himself wandering the corridors, trying to find his way back to the elevator so he could find a taxi. It was rude of him and wouldn’t have done it in any other circumstance but he just needed to be away from all of it and be alone. He wanted to curl up in his bed and sleep, to stop thinking and feeling for a moment. He’d just send them a message later.

 

\--------------------------------------------------

 

Kyle’s tongue was in Erik’s mouth as the other pushed him against the elevator wall, kissing him obscenely and putting a leg between his legs. Erik was drunk enough for the kiss to taste sweet and he placed his hands on those strong arms, feeling hands run down his chest and then his waist. He groaned and then rubbed himself against Kyle’s thigh.

“Tasty,” Kyle said when they broke apart, smiling like he had just said something incredibly witty.

Erik pulled him back down for another kiss to shut him up. Kyle was a catch from a bar nearby and Erik didn’t exactly approach him for his brains. The other seemed like he’d want to top Erik but he was attractive enough and had blue eyes that in the end, made the decision for him.

He could feel Kyle rubbing himself against his hip as they kissed, erection growing. Erik was pleased, wanting to make this one fast so he didn’t stop. Kyle had moved on to his neck and they did not part, not even when the elevator dinged and the door slid open on a floor. He heard a soft gasp and when he opened his eyes, he was frozen.

Charles was standing in front of the doorway, blue eyes wide and glassy. They stared at each other for an eternity before Charles was stepping backwards, almost stumbling on a potted plant on the floor as he hastily turned around and bolted for the opposite direction.

Without hesitation, Erik was pushing Kyle away, his erection dying down in an instant, replaced with cold dread. He vaguely heard his name being called but he was already stepping off the elevator and running,  _ chasing _ after Charles.

“Charles! Wait!”

 

\----------------------------

 

Erik’s voice rang behind him, calling his name but that only made his feet move faster. The wine was messing up with his feet’s coordination and sense of direction, making him turn here and there in aimless, frantic circles. He bumped several people on the way but he didn’t stop. He found the entrance to the restaurant where his friends were but he ran past it in a hasty decision.

Charles found himself running in a deserted hallway. He heard Erik’s voice stop in front of the restaurant door and he moved faster, further down the carpeted path, numbers blurring at his periphery. He was winded and coughing but still he went on until he found the fire exit. He quickly grabbed the handle and pulled it open, relief momentarily comforting him at finding it unlocked. He closed it behind him and his knees gave, palms quickly shooting forward on the floor to catch himself as he panted for breath. It was only then that he realized he was crying, fat tears running down his cheeks. Something was hurting deep within him and crying made it feel numb so he sobbed harder, clutching his chest and feeling exhaustion catching up with him and weighing him down.

He didn’t know how long he stayed there, crouched on the floor until he heard his name again. He wasn’t sure who it was this time but he immediately struggled to his feet. He took one shaky step after another down the stairs, stumbling several times and almost landing on his face before he finally reached the ground floor. He pushed the door open, bright lights of the hotel lobby assaulting his eyes and he ran as soon as he spotted the glass doors.

Charles placed his arms around himself, shivering slightly as he continued to sob openly while walking on the street. His feet refused to stop, wanting to put as much distance as he could between himself and everybody else who might want to talk to him even though his brain hadn’t come up with a destination yet. He couldn’t go back to his apartment. He thought of the mansion and immediately discarded the idea as soon as it came. Raven was in Paris right now and he brought out his phone, vaguely thinking about how much a plane ticket to her would cost. The world was spinning around him and his stomach suddenly hurled. The people near him yelped in surprise as he emptied his stomach onto the sidewalk, only stopping when he felt a painful tug at his gut.

He wiped his mouth with his sleeve before walking again, ignoring everyone. He shivered more violently and no matter how hard he rubbed his arms, he felt cold. He left his coat at the restaurant, he realized, but it didn’t matter. In fact,  _ nothing _ mattered much at that moment. He was just tired.

He walked aimlessly for a long time, letting the city noises drown out the sounds in his own head while the cold air numbed his body. When he felt enough sense had returned to him, he hailed a taxi.

 

\----------------------------------------------

 

Erik’s brain was screaming ‘no, no, no, no, no…’ repeatedly. His eyes searched the restaurant from the entrance and he spotted a number of familiar faces. He quickly approached them, startling Sean, Hank, and Angel as he clumsily grasped their table with cold hands.

“Is Charles with you?” he asked urgently.

They all exchanged puzzled looks and then Emma spoke. “He went to the men’s room a while ago but hasn’t come back,” she said.

“Is something wrong?” Hank asked, frowning.

Erik hadn’t thought about what to say to that when he approached them. “We had a… an encounter. And he ran away. He’s very upset so I’m worried about what he’ll do.”

Angel covered her mouth while Emma turned to glare at him. He averted his eyes guiltily and would have left but the burning desire to find Charles overcame shame and any other feelings. He had to make things right. Fast.

“We picked him up on the way here,” Sean said. “I think it would be safe to assume that he would be heading home now?”

Angel nodded, along with Hank. “We should check,” Sean said and then they were rising.

“I’ll go with you,” Angel told him.

“I’ll talk to the hotel staff, see if they know where he went,” Hank said and he was gone too.

The rest of the people that Erik didn’t know dispersed too, dividing themselves up urgently to cover different areas they can search.

“Thank you. I’m sorry to disrupt your gathering but I didn’t know who else could help.”

“Charles’ team adores him,” Emma muttered beside him as the last of them walked out. “I’m sure they don’t mind looking for him if they had any reason to believe that he isn’t safe.”

Emma was glaring at him intensely and he was about to turn back and return to his own search when she grabbed his shoulder. He looked back at her, raising an eyebrow questioningly and she tightened her hold on him until he could feel her nails digging into his flesh.

“Charles is a good person and he’s like a little brother to me,” Emma hissed. “If I ever find out that you’ve done anything to hurt him,  _ anything _ at all, I will hurt you, Lehnsherr. I swear to god I will.”

 

\--------------------------------

  
  


The room was dark, only slightly illuminated by the television screen playing reruns of an old sitcom and the occasional vehicle headlights driving by the road where the motel was located. The curtains were old but at least the sheets smelled freshly laundered. Numerous people could have soiled it in the past but they’re the only source of warmth in the cold room.  Two armchairs stood opposite each other at either side of a low coffee table where a half-eaten doughnut lay forgotten.

Charles focused on the sound of the laugh track from the television and the noise of the cars zooming past his room as he snuggled in the pillow under the blanket, arms wrapped around himself. He was trying to watch the show earlier but somehow, he had landed on his side, facing the wall instead. He wanted to fall asleep but it was too early for him. His phone lay on the bedside table and had been ringing nonstop since his long ride in the taxi until Charles felt he was going crazy and just turned the device off. He knew he’d have to do some things so he could keep on living in silence for at least a few days, decide how much longer he wanted to be in a bubble, and then move on with his life.

But the pain was making him unable to move. The image of Erik with another man in  _ that _ way was replaying in his head even as he closed his eyes or tried to watch the show. It  _ hurt _ , like a thousand daggers plunging in his chest again and again. There was no reprieve, even as he cried and sobbed against the pillow. He never knew he was capable of crying this much tears. He wanted it to stop but they kept on falling anyway, and the pain won’t go away.

He knew it. This had been exactly why he was afraid of Erik. A small voice in his head, the  _ sane _ part of his brain, kept telling him it wasn’t a good idea. He had  _ always  _ known. And of course, he walked right through the flames.

The last thing he remembered before falling asleep was thinking about Raven and wanting to be with her at this moment, for her hand to be rubbing his back while he cried on her shoulder. He woke up to the harsh realization that only four hours had passed and that he was still in the shitty situation he had dug for himself. At least the tears have stopped.

He made his way to the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face. He looked tired. His eyes were red and swollen, his nose puffy. It was the kind of picture that he would have taken and sent to Raven before, for a laugh. When he returned to the bed, he deeply breathed before retrieving his phone and turning it on. He had dozens of messages and missed calls from Erik, Emma, Angel, Sean, Hank, and Raven. He scrolled past Erik’s messages, vaguely thinking of deleting them without reading them, before going through the other messages. They were more or less the same, varying degrees of worry and concern, demanding to know where he was and if he was okay. He quickly typed a short message, saying that he was alright and that he needed some time alone. He was about to try to pass out again when his phone rang, the screen showing Raven’s name. He answered it.

_ “CHARLES! OH MY GOD! THANK GOODNESS YOU’VE FINALLY PICKED UP!!!” _

Her voice warmed him immediately. “I’m okay. I just needed some time alone. I’m sorry I made you worry.”

_ “Emma called me and she told me you had a fight with your Erik?” _

“Stop calling him that—”

_ “Sorry… Charles, what happened? Did he hurt you?” _

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he said truthfully. “I just… I should have…”

He trailed off, his brain running several miles per second, flashing images of the times they were together and then the scene at the elevator. His eyes felt hot and then tears were leaking out again. He tightly shut them, sighing deeply while he thought of something to say but how can words convey it when nothing can possibly…

_ “Hush, Charles. Just… tell me you’ve at least eaten something. Tea doesn’t count. Where are you staying?” _

“I’m at a motel. I don’t want to be bothered by anyone right now so I figured this is a good time to explore. I’ve had a sandwich and a bit of doughnut so don’t worry,” he lied smoothly. Maybe Erik was right, he  _ was _ a compulsive liar.

_ “That’s, that’s good. Just stay put okay? Emma told me you can stay at her house if you want. She won’t let anyone bother you there and you can continue working from there.” _

He nodded. “That would be great but I don’t want to be a bother, especially not for something like this… whatever this is. I wish I didn’t make such a big fuss earlier then maybe I’d still be able to face my team without any problems,” he said as he lay down on his side and buried himself under the blanket. “Are you… will you be coming home?”

_ “Oh, Charles! I wish I could book a flight right now. I would!” _

“I know,” he said and swallowed. “I miss you, Raven but I want you to focus on where you are now.”

_ “I’m at a stupid photoshoot. We’re taking a break now but I can stay on the line a little longer.” _

“Don’t be ridiculous,” he said sternly. “I’m fine. Just tell me about the shoot. What’s the theme?”

As she described everything she could see in great detail, he listened, letting his eyes close and allowing her voice to drown out everything. He wasn’t making sense of the words though, like listening to the waves while sinking under the ocean. His senses were muffled, blurry, cold…

 

\-----------------------------

 

The children have left a mess at the sink but they did enjoy the hearty breakfast Edie Lehnsherr had prepared so it was all worth it. She smiled as she started to wash the dishes, rolling up her sleeves and humming a tune while she worked. Her sister had left with the rest of the chatter and she was glad to have a moment of peace. She loved visiting her and her kids but sometimes it could be too much.

She was interrupted by the sudden ringing of her phone. She rinsed her hands and wiped off on the towel before taking the device from her skirt’s pocket. “Hello?”

She knew the voice talking from the other end even when it was a bit muffled and masked by the sounds of sniffling. She glanced at the wall clock on the kitchen and was astounded. It was past three in the morning from where he was calling.

_ “I messed up… I… I don’t know what to do…” _

“Erik?” she asked, already knowing the answer and she walked to a chair. “ Mein Schatz , are you  _ crying _ ? What happened?!”

_ “I messed up again. I hurt someone and he’s… I love him,  _ _ mutti _ _. And I hurt him! I think I just lost him…” _

Edie sighed. She hadn’t heard his son cry like this, not since he was a little boy. Not even with  _ her _ . 

“Calm down,  Schatzi . Breathe… that’s it. Now tell me what happened. Who is this person you love?”

_ “His name is Charles. He’s a writer and he is wonderful and kind… smart, beautiful, adorable… and I’ve been seeing him for the past few months. He let me in and I loved his attention, liked being able to be the only one to get close to him.  But I… I did lots of things, ma. I don’t deserve him. And he found out and he ran. I don’t know what to do! I don’t deserve him but I can’t let him go. I don’t know how I can manage if I lose him but I already have…” _

“Oh, Erik,” she muttered, her heart breaking at the sound of her son’s cries. She felt his pain and his fears, the desperation was ringing in his voice and she yearned to hug him tightly. “What did you do?”

_ “I… I didn’t stay true to him. I was playing with him, I kept fooling around with other people and he saw me with another guy. I know I shouldn’t have… I was so stupid! He gave me his trust and I threw it at his face.” _

“Calm down, Erik,” she said firmly. Any other time and she would have told him off for what he did but the agony in his every word told her that he was already hurting beyond regret. “I know it’s hard but judging from what you told me, you made this mess.  _ Scheiß _ . You have to face your fears and clean it up, do you understand?”

_ “I can’t,  _ _ mutti _ _! You didn’t see his face. Charles despises me now! I… don’t think he’ll ever have me again and that will kill me… I hurt him. I’m a despicable being. Ach du Scheiße. Magda’s right. I don’t deserve to be happy...” _

“Don’t you dare say that!” she reprimanded him. “What you did to Magda was different and she hurt you more than you hurt her. But this…  _ Charles _ , if you love him, you should do something about it.”

_ “No… She’s right. I won’t ever find someone who will love me.” _

“But you sound like you found him already,” she told him, smiling sadly. “Oh liebster, you won’t be this broken if you didn’t find someone special. She was wrong. She had  _ always _ been wrong.”

_ “I don’t know what to do. I love Charles but now he’s gone…” _

“You listen to me, Erik. You have to make this right, no matter what,” she began and did not let him interrupt her for a long time. She could tell that he had been drinking and he was panicking. Erik had always been a smart, strong-willed boy but sometimes, he loses his head when things got tough, especially when the people he valued the most were involved. So it took more than an hour before Erik was calm and another hour to get him to stop feeling sorry for himself and move on to making things right. Her son had made a mistake and she would not rest until he made up for it.

When Edie finally ended the call, it was almost lunch time. She continued to work in the kitchen while she thought about this Charles person that his son had found himself utterly besotted. It vaguely reminded her of the time when Erik’s world revolved around Magda until that fateful day.

She had been preparing snacks in the kitchen and was about to bring them some when he heard screaming in the garden.

 

_ “You used me Erik! You’ve never truly loved me.” _

_ “I did love you! I still do! I swear, I never wanted to hurt you.” _

_ “But here we are,” Magda said. “You’re selfish. You led me on and then you hurt me. All this time… and you’re not who I thought you were. You deceived me!” _

_ “I’m so sorry, Magda! Please…” _

_ “I hope you never find peace. I hope you never find anyone who will love you... You don’t deserve to be happy.” _

 

Magda didn’t visit their house again and soon, her son started to go out with men. He thought his mother didn’t know but she always knew. She just didn’t talk about things that were not opened up to her. She didn’t even need to ask what they were fighting about that day, nor why Magda left. She just knew.

 

\-------------------------------------

 

Azazel was a man of simple pleasures. He worked very hard in the sites and in the office so when he had free times, he spent it at his house by either throwing punches at a bag in his basement gym or indulging in some books or films from his extensive collection. There might have been a time in the past when he was like Erik, playing here and there to pass the time but he had left those days when he met the girl of his clichéd dreams.

He’d be joining Raven in Paris next week and he was already excited. He didn’t tell her but his suitcase had been ready since yesterday, along with the three sets of suits for the lavish parties Raven’s friends and coworkers liked to throw. He had been preparing his apartment after the seventh month of dating this wonderful girl, hoping that one day, hopefully sometime next week, they’d be calling this place ‘home’ together.

He put on some music and started to clean his dagger collection, swinging lightly to the beat and smiling like a drunken fool while imagining asking Raven to move in and the many joyful ways she said ‘yes.’ His mood was only mildly dampened when he saw who was calling him. After ten minutes on the phone, he was on the road to Erik’s apartment. He made his way up the building and immediately reached his friend’s door, knocking loudly and impatiently.

“Open the damn door, Lehnsherr,” he called.

The German made him wait for almost fifteen minutes before he opened the door, looking dead and reeking of alcohol. He wordlessly undid the chain behind the door and walked back to where he was previously, probably drowning himself in liquor by the looks of it.

“So this is where you’ve been these past few days?” Azazel asked as he followed Erik to the living room, eyes darting on the various objects littering the usually spotless floors. “What the fuck happened to you?”

Erik shrugged, rubbing his eyes before pouring a generous amount of liquor in a glass. “Did my mother call you?”

He kicked a throw pillow blocking his way on the floor aside as he made his way to the couch. It landed beside a heap of magazines and… broken glass? “Yes, and it looks like she’s right. You  _ are _ a hot mess, my friend.”

“Ah, that, I am,” Erik muttered, giving him a mocking bow.

“Is this about Charles?”

Erik laughed mirthlessly, looking for a moment like he was going to say something before deciding to stay quiet, opting to down his drink instead. Azazel shook his head in disapproval. He wasn’t used to seeing Erik like this, looking beaten down and scattered. He knew his friend to be a creature of focus and determination, working relentlessly until he got what he wanted so this unkempt, drunk loser sulking at the minibar was unrecognizable.

“I thought things were going great with you two,” Azazel said. “You barely show up at the office anymore since you got the mall project near his workplace.”

Erik snorted. “Yeah, things were going great. Charles was  _ perfect _ , in every way. And you know what I did? I played around behind his back. I ran into him at a hotel and he saw me with someone else.”

“Wow. I’m sorry, Erik but seems to me like you dug your own grave. That was a dick mov—” he cut himself off at seeing Erik’s pained expression. “But yeah… have you talked to him? What did he say?”

“I’ve been trying to reach him since that night but he won’t return any of my calls or my messages,” he said, looking tired and hopeless. “I tried to wait outside his apartment but he hasn’t come home. At least not in the days I’ve visited.”

Azazel sighed. “How about at work? Maybe someone there knows how to reach him or could pass a message for you?”

“They were brushing me off and insisted that Charles hasn’t been coming to work since last week. But of course they know where he is. They’ll be launching Charles’ capsule story section the day after tomorrow so he can’t be missing work. Not unless Emma, his editor, moved the date for it.”

Azazel nodded, not sure how to phrase what Erik might already know. “Then maybe, he just needs a little time on his own. You need to give him some space, Erik. Anyone who has gone through what Charles had needs some time to recover.”

Erik’s jaw visibly clenched and he threw the glass he was holding, hitting the wall near the door with a loud shattering noise. “And let him brew in his thoughts about how he hates me? How he should stay away from me? I made a mistake! I fucked up! But I can’t… He shouldn’t judge me by what he saw because that’s not the person I am now! I love him and we had something. If he would just listen…”

“I think Charles has every right to hate you and stay away from you after what you have done,” Azazel said harshly. “That’s the truth. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t try to get him back but don’t act like Charles is even slightly at the wrong for acting this way.”

Erik looked like he was doused with cold water and for a moment, he seemed ready to attack Azazel. Then slowly, his back slumped and his face fell in defeat. He nodded and his shoulders shook as he began to cry. “I know that. I’m garbage and I don’t deserve him. Deep down I understand that I’ve done something horrible and I deserve to hurt… but I can’t take it. I can’t bear the thought of not having Charles back or the possibility that he’s going to find someone else. I shouldn’t have done that to him, he deserved better, but I can’t let him go either.”

“Then don’t,” Azazel said. This was probably the most vulnerable and the scariest he had seen Erik. “Work on getting him back, but first you need to pull yourself together and show him you’re worth another shot. Take a shower, clean your place, get your shit together.”

Erik swallowed and rubbed his hands on his face before nodding.

“And you’ve got to stop seeing other people if you want to get serious with Charles,” Azazel said. “Will you be able to do that for him?”

“I already deleted the numbers of those people,” Erik said, sounding a little more like himself already. “I don’t think I can make myself see them even if I wanted to.”

“That’s a good start.”

“I already made a big mistake once. I’d like to believe that I’m not that much of an idiot to make it again.”

 

\----------------------

 

Despite being an only child, Emma Frost’s parents built a house that would comfortably fit up to ten people. It reminded Charles of his old home at Westchester, back when he was just a boy and was still living in the Xavier Mansion with his mother and the Markos. His time there didn’t give him much memories to cherish, finding more happiness and peace when he left and traded the big house for a small apartment he’d have to share with Raven. Emma’s house was different though, all white and huge spaces but it was definitely warmer, more homely than the monstrosity at Westchester.

“I’m really sorry for this, Emma,” Charles said as he dragged his bags inside one of the guestrooms. “I swear this will just be temporary. I will be out and back to the office in—a”

“Stop being ridiculous,” Emma cut him off. “I can house the whole staff if I wanted but you’re really the only one who I’d be able to tolerate living with so stay as long as you need to. I’ll have someone to get you some clothes at your place if you want so just focus on feeling better.”

Charles’ eyes watered and he gave in to the urge, flinging his arms around his boss in a tight embrace. He felt her stiffen in his arms but eventually relaxed. He buried his face in her shoulder, sobbing openly and soaking the feeling of having someone with him, of being  _ loved _ . After a while, he felt a reluctant hand patting his back awkwardly and he finally took pity of her, releasing a stiff Emma. She was smiling warmly though and she even reached out to wipe away the river flowing out of his eyes.

“I’ll freaking  _ destroy _ Lehnsherr for this, I swear,” she muttered angrily.

“You haven’t even asked what what he did.”

“He made you cry. That’s reason enough.”

Charles chuckled. “Thank you, Emma, but that isn’t really needed. _ I _ did this to myself, no one else.”

She stared at him with that look that he knew she used to see right through other people’s brains before nodding stiffly. “Okay. But I can’t exactly promise a warm welcome the next time he drops by the office.”

It’s been days. Charles didn’t ask if Erik had been coming by at work for him though a part of him was screaming,  _ dying  _ to know if Erik still cared. He had to stop thinking about the man, erase all traces of him as soon as he had recovered enough. So he nodded at Emma, forcing a smile.

“Listen,” she said and her voice was soft, “I am so sorry this, whatever happened, happened. I feel partly responsible for it. I shouldn’t have pushed you into dating. I shouldn’t have—”

“There is nothing to forgive,” he said firmly, grateful that she didn’t ask him to explain what happened. “How many times do I have to tell you? I did this to myself. I agreed to everything that happened. I  _ wanted _ them to happen. I knew the risks and—”

She shook her head. “ _ Stop _ blaming yourself, Charles. Yes, maybe it wasn’t my fault but it certainly wasn’t yours either. You’ve been hurt and that is not  _ your _ doing.”

Charles bit his lip. “It doesn’t sound fair… putting yourself out there and baring your emotions, only to be rewarded with  _ this _ . I would very much like to pin this on someone else, to blame it on another person. But it is what it is and in the end, even if it sounds ugly, there’s really no one else I can blame.”

She looked like she wasn’t convinced at all, like she was  _ appalled _ by his idea and wanted to protest but she held herself back. She sighed with an air of resignation. “Fine, I’ll let you decide for yourself. If there’s anything I’ve learned knowing you all these years, it’s that you’re almost as stubborn as myself.”

He smiled. “Maybe a little bit.”

She smirked. “Are you sure you’ll be able to attend the launch tomorrow? I can just…  _ He’s _ been persistent, Charles, and he knows about the launch.”

Charles stomach twisted painfully. “I’ll be there. I’ve been working hard for this for a long time. I can’t pass this up. Although I might go home early?” He didn’t want to bother anyone with his personal life. He was a professional and it would be a cold day in hell when he started making other people’s work harder because he was  _ sad _ .

“Of course,” she said.

He pushed his bag against the side of his bed. “And are you sure I can take a leave right after the launch?”

“Yes, Charles. You only ever used your leave once since working here,” she said, purposefully not saying that she knew exactly why he did use  _ that _ one particular leave. “And Paris with Raven! I’ll be sure to tell her to set you up with dozens of models.”

He snorted as he opened his suitcase. “She’s been there, done that, thank you very much. I’d rather not… at the moment.”

She nodded and gestured to the room. “Well then, I’ll leave you to get settled. Tell me if there’s anything you need.”

“Thank you, Emma.”

 

\----------------------------------------

 

It was thirty minutes more before he was expected to be in the site with the architects and the other engineers and Erik deemed this more than enough time to drive by Charles’ apartment again for a quick check. He had been dropping by the building whenever he found time during the day, especially in between meetings since he figured that if Charles were avoiding him, the writer would come by his apartment at the times when he thought Erik would be busy. So far, his efforts were rewarded with nothing. And despite Margaret assuring him that nobody had come by and that she’ll call him immediately once anyone did, Erik felt the need to visually confirm things with his own eyes, half-hoping to stumble upon Charles himself.

He  _ needed _ to see him, yearned to confirm that he was still here and reachable, that he could still be a part of Erik’s world even though he had butchered things up, possibly beyond repair. Why did do it? Why didn’t he realize sooner that Charles was everything to him now? Why did he not make himself the man Charles deserved?

If only he could turn back time. The heart wanted what it cannot have.

He knew that Charles didn’t want to see him and probably had his own eyes reporting to him whenever Erik visited thus making his visits counterproductive, but he didn’t care. It was the only place he knew Charles would be coming back to aside from his work and he would damned if he let Charles get away that easily. It was selfish but it was the only thing he could do at the moment.

He parked his car at the other side of the building and made the rest of the way on foot, quickly reaching the elevator. It was motor memory now, pressing the floor where Charles lived in and as soon as he heard the ‘ding’ and the doors slid open, he stepped out, not expecting to see a man fiddling with the locks and thick chains Erik had put on the door.

For a moment, his heart stopped, watching the back of the figure wearing a blue hoodie over his head and hiding his face and hair from Erik. He ran, unable to stop himself.

“Charles?” he called and the figure froze.

Before he could escape, Erik was grabbing him by the arm and pushing him against the door. He heard a grunt of pain and his face fell as he saw the red curls that were definitely not Charles’.

“That hurt, man!” Sean muttered, rubbing the back of his head.

“Sorry, I thought…” Erik trailed off. He let the other peel himself off the wall and straighten his clothes while Erik sighed and pushed the disappoint away.

“And what’s the deal with these?” Sean asked, gesturing at the chains on the door. “I can’t get them off.”

“That’s kind of the point, Sean,” he said, annoyed. “Where’s Charles?”

“Oh no… Uh-uh,” the other said, snarling at him. “Ms. Frost said you might try something like this, but you are fucking crazy! You have no right to lock Charles’ apartment like this!”

“Neither do you have any right to break into it,” he countered, restraining himself from saying that this wasn’t the extent of ‘crazy’ he’d be willing to do to get Charles back. “Now tell me where he is.”

“I don’t know, man. I’m just here to get him some stuff as he requested. I have no idea where he is staying now.”

“You guys lied to me then,” Erik spat. “You said he hasn’t been coming in for work!”

“He really wasn’t!” Sean said, raising his hands reflexively in an attempt to shield himself. “Ms. Frost and him have been talking, obviously, but he only reaches out to us through email and sometimes calls. She gave me the keys to his apartment.”

Erik’s jaw tightened. His mind was buzzing with ideas and plans but the pain in his chest was distracting him, keeping him from focus. He already knew that Charles was going to try and avoid him but it still hurt to actually see it. “I’ll unlock it. I’m… sorry I did this.”

Sean looked visibly relaxed. “Thank you.”

Erik fished the keys from his pocket and worked on the locks. He stepped aside to let Sean unlock the knob and then followed him inside. Sean went straight for Charles’ bedroom, bringing out a big duffle bag from his backpack. Erik could hear him rummaging through the drawers and he lingered in the living room, floating like a ghost. His heart ached at the sight that greeted him. It was exactly like this when he last visited. He walked to the kitchen and sure enough, a used cup was sitting on the sink. He took it and swirled the dregs at the bottom of the half-finished tea, no doubt brewing there for days. He put it down and walked to Charles’ study, smiling at the cluttered mess on the table. Erik desperately pushed away the wave of sadness, regret, and guilt that suddenly threatened to consume him as he imagined Charles in front of it, face buried in one of the books and in front of the missing laptop.

“Erik?”

He hastily wiped the tears that managed to make their way out of his eyes. He turned around and his heart sank lower at the big bag Sean was carrying, no doubt full of Charles’ clothes. “He’s moving out, isn’t he? He won’t be coming back.”

Sean reluctantly placed the bag down on the floor and walked to him. He put a hand on Erik’s shaking shoulder. “I don’t know,” he told him.

“I know you all hate me and you’re not wrong to do so. But I love Charles. I  _ love _ him. I know it doesn’t make a difference because I pushed him away but… can you pass him a message from me?”

Sean looked torn.

“Please, I just… he doesn’t have to answer. I just want him to know that I love him. I’m sorry and I really, really hope I haven’t completely destroyed any chance of a future together with him.”

Sean looked away. “I ought to be punching your face,” he said with a huff, “because of what you did to him. He doesn’t talk about it, you know? He dropped by the office a few times and he refused to tell us what happened. I told him I’ll punch you for him but he just laughed, really sadly, you know? And you know what he told me? He told me not to do it, that you didn’t do  _ anything  _ when we all know he’s fucking  _ broken _ inside.”

Erik’s fists clenched. “You should be doing more than just punching me.”

“Oh believe me, I want to,” Sean muttered, “but seeing you now, looking like  _ this _ ? I don’t even have to, do I? That will just make you feel a little better about yourself.”

 

\--------------------------------

 

Erik was nowhere to be seen during the launch.

Charles was both relieved and disappointed. He finished the whole affair, drinking and cheering with everybody else while looking amongst the crowd, searching reflexively for the familiar face. In the end, he left with his heart heavier than when he arrived. He took it as a sign though. It really has ended.

Charles cried himself to sleep that night.

 

\------------------------------

 

The flight had been long and though Azazel had slept through the entirety of it, Erik found himself wide awake. One of the stewardesses came to offer him a drink, smiling seductively at him while his companion snored beside him. He declined her coldly, feeling irrationally annoyed at even insinuating that he’d be interested and she hastily retreated to save face, disappearing for the rest of the flight.

When Azazel initially offered for him to come with him to Paris to meet his girlfriend, Erik wanted to shout at him and tell him to fuck off because  _ really _ , what better way to rub it to your friend’s face than to bring him to meet your girlfriend at fucking Paris and be lovey-dovey with her while he nursed his freshly broken heart at the side. Azazel pointed out that he needed to be far away from Charles at least for a few days after he heard about him locking Charles’ apartment (“ _ What are you fucking nuts?! Do you want to go to jail?! Seriously, Lehnsherr _ !”) and what better place than a cross-Atlantic flight that would separate them a few time zones? Erik felt that his friend was overreacting as he was not about to raze New York City to the ground in search of Charles, not yet anyway, but he appreciated his efforts of keeping him out of trouble. Besides, he did need to give Charles some time alone, and his accidental meeting with Sean convinced him of that. Not that he was going to give up any time soon, no, not at all. When he came back, he’ll make sure that Charles was his again.

“I have to warn you though,” Azazel told him as they rode their taxi to their hotel, “Raven is a bit straightforward but she’s very nice—”

“Wait,” Erik said, eyes widening. “Raven? And she’s a model, right?”

Azazel smirked. “Yes. And don’t tell me you’ve dated someone of the same name before.”

Erik shook his head. “What’s her full name?”

“Darkholme. Her name is Raven Darkholme.”

Erik sighed, releasing the breath he had been holding and slumped back into the backseat. “No, I don’t know her.”

“We’ll be meeting her tonight with a few of her friends and I think someone from her family. She’s spending some time with the family until later so we’ll just meet her at the restaurant at around seven. If we’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who might distract you tonight.”

Erik shrugged and turned his face to the window, watching the streets of Paris zoom by. “I doubt it.”

 

\----------------------------------

 

“Oh, Charles,” Raven cried as he stepped into her flat, and she immediately caged him into a bone-crushing hug.

Charles thought that had this happened days ago, he would have surely cried but because of time, he’d be more composed and be able to hold back from pouring his emotions out like a waterfall. He was wrong. As soon as he felt his sister’s arms around him, his eyes were warm and the floodgates were opened yet again. The traitorous tears kept falling without his permission, even when he wanted to appear strong in front of her. He was so tired of crying.

“I’m okay,” he told her reflexively. They both know it was a lie.

“Yes, you are,” she said against his hair.

She led her to the living room and they took a seat, leaving his luggage by the door. He tried to smile at her but he guessed that it didn’t have the supposed outcome he was hoping for because Raven looked like she about to cry too and he didn’t want that.

“So… this is nice,” he said in a forced cheerful tone, looking around the place.

“Yeah. The agency provided for my stay,” she said, following his lead. “It’s kinda great. I have two more rooms available even with you here. We could have a party.”

Charles chuckled. “That will be nice.”

“I have the whole day free today so I’ll tour you around after you’ve gotten some rest. My French is improving but I’m still not as good as you.”

“Well,  _ je ne serai jamais aussi grand que toi _ ..."

“Now you’re just showing off. I don’t even know what that means, jerk .”

“Oh nothing bad, I assure you,  _ mon adorable sœur _ .”

“We’re siblings so you’re just indirectly  _ louanger toi-même _ .”

“Err…” smiled Charles, despite himself, not daring to tell his sister her French was utterly bad.

She laughed, ignoring him. “And if you’re feeling up to it, I would like you to finally meet Azazel, my boyfriend.”

“Of course I’d like to meet him!” Charles exclaimed. “I got to thank him for all the times you’ve talked my ear off about him.”

They both laughed. They had quite a few hours before dinner so Raven showed her around. Charles had been to Paris before, more frequently when he was younger as Sharon loved to visit, and had become quite conversational in French as he started to learn early. Charles had always found learning new languages easy so he was always there to help Raven before. They visited the familiar sites and the new ones and he enjoyed every second of it. He was happy but still, there was a void deep in heart that prevented him from fully soaking up the moments. It was like dead limb that slowed him down, a weight that he had to drag everywhere while constantly being reminded of what once was.

Raven didn’t ask about Erik, going full sunshine mode as she dragged him places and stuffed him various food. She didn’t pry when she caught him staring at a distance or when he suddenly became unresponsive in the middle of a conversation. She acted like she didn’t see him sigh deeply or covertly wipe his eyes every now and then.

It was tiring to pretend he was fine but Charles was even more sick of crying so he danced.

By the time they were back in the flat, it was less than an hour before the dinner. Raven brought his luggage into one of the rooms and left a volume of a magazine on the bed before heading to the bathroom for a quick shower.

“Check it out. You look really cute, Erwin was bouncing off the walls when he heard you’re coming,” she said at his doorway, smirking. “He’ll be joining us for dinner, you know.”

He just shrugged. “Raven.”

“Erwin’s a gentleman. He won’t be pushing because I told him you just had a breakup.”

He sighed and began to unpack his clothes. He hadn’t told her about the email he received from Erwin which meant she didn’t realize telling him that Charles just broke up with his supposed boyfriend would not deter the other from ‘pushing.’

He could hear the shower turn on as he reached for the magazine. He did a double take at the front cover, seeing Raven’s face in full-close up and he smiled before frowning at a small picture of himself at the upper-right hand side. It was one of the pictures they took when he visited Raven’s photoshoot and he groaned. They didn’t tell him it will be used on the front page, along with the promise of a five-page story of ‘Darkholme’s rise to the top.’ He flipped through the pages, searching for the article about Raven being the new face of a fashion brand. It was mostly about her struggle to get where she was right now and the past that wasn’t glamorous at all. There were pictures of her from when she was younger, some of it taken back at the Xavier Mansion. Raven had told the magazine about being adopted and growing up in Westchester before the inevitable moving out, which she chose to describe vaguely. Then, the article became harder to read as the section header greeted him:

_ Charles Xavier, Raven Darkholme’s Unsung Hero _

“Oh god,” he muttered as he forced himself to read. He slightly cringed at the words used about him, making it sound like he was a single father struggling to raise a kid while he attended school. Well, it was true, there was only a three-year gap between his and Raven’s ages and it  _ had _ been hard but he wouldn’t call it ‘ _ a young boy struggling to be a father and mother to Darkholme and himself both _ .’ A seventeen-year old was hardly a  _ boy _ and Sharon had allowed him to keep the money he had in his bank account which helped them a lot to settle down things, though it didn’t allow for Charles to stay unemployed for too long while he paid for both his and Raven’s education on top of their living expenses.

He closed the magazine after some time and decided to get himself ready too. He was planning to talk about what happened with Raven tomorrow morning, when he had caught up with some more sleep. He thought of the night ahead and sighed, thinking of Erwin and what the rest of the night might be like. He’d just have to wear a smile for a few hours, get to know Azazel, and then he’d be back here and free to curl up to himself.

\-------------------------------------

“Yeah? I didn’t know it’s already out. Alright, I’ll get it… Okay,” Azazel muttered happily to his phone while Erik and him waited inside a flower shop.

It was an hour before the agreed meeting time and Erik sat at the waiting area by the door while his friend leaned against the counter, waiting for the expensive bouquet to be wrapped and tied prettily. With nothing else to do, he brought out his phone to check his email, noting disappointedly that Charles still hadn’t replied to any of his messages. With that out of the way, he went on to his business emails, answering them while being mildly irritated at his friend’s sugary tone while he talked to the girlfriend.

Another man was waiting beside Azazel for a less impressive bouquet. He was already holding another one like it in his arm while he too was listening to Azazel, smiling amusedly. Erik just sighed in resignation, quietly admitting that his friend in love was entertaining even just a little bit.

“Oh, I see it!” Azazel said excitedly and grabbed a magazine from the rack on the counter. He brandished the cover to Erik’s direction while mouthing ‘this is her!’ before moving the phone away and telling the attendant, “I’ll take one of these as well.”

The other man suddenly spoke, looking alternately between them. “Wait… you know Raven? Are you talking to her?”

Erik shrugged and looked at his friend. Azazel smiled uncertainly, muttering to his phone and then he was shaking hands with the other man and giving his phone to him.

“Hello, Raven,” the man greeted in his American accent and then they were chatting.

“What’s happening?” Erik asked, looking at the tall man who was moving his hands animatedly as he talked to the phone.

“Apparently, that guy is a friend of Raven’s from work,” Azazel explained. “He’s going to be joining us tonight.”

“Oh,” Erik muttered and the man smiled at them.

“She says the jig is up and they better be roses,” he told Azazel.

Azazel laughed. “You kind of sabotaged my surprise.”

“We’re buying flowers for the same people so we’re on the same side?” he said. “I’m Erwin Smith, by the way. I’m a creative director and I’ve overseen Raven’s photoshoots several times.”

“Azazel, her boyfriend,” he answered and motioned to Erik. “And this is my friend Erik.”

“Nice to meet you,” Erik said as he shook Erwin’s hand.

“Likewise,” Erwin told him pleasantly. “I’m sorry for suddenly joining your conversation like that but I saw you showing Erik the magazine and you said it’s her and I figured it’s Raven telling you that the magazine with her interview is out now.”

“That’s pretty much what happened.”

Erwin laughed, his voice low and confident. “I actually worked on that photoshoot with both Raven and her brother,” he added before accepting the second bouquet, “and this is for the adorable Charles… if you know what I mean.”

Erik blinked and quickly took the magazine from Azazel who just shrugged and engaged Erwin in another conversation, obviously missing the connection. There, at the area of the cover where Azazel had been holding the magazine was Charles’ face and his heart stopped. It was definitely  _ him _ . His brown hair, red lips, and blue, blue eyes… he’d know that face anywhere. He quickly scanned the article inside and found more pictures of Raven and a few more of Charles. His chest tightened at the images of his face, looking so happy and beautiful. Yet, Erik found that he didn’t want his face on the glossy pages of the magazine for everyone to see. He stared at Erwin’s back and his fists clenched, seeing the man in a completely different light.

 

\------------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. quick update for the next one? :D


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not exactly the fast update I've hoped for but it's relatively faster than my other updates? Real life keeps getting in the way so I won't make any excuses. XD
> 
> As always, thank you so much to my lovely beta, SomeCoolName. She helped me find an actual restaurant in Paris where this chapter took place. :)

# 

8

 

The restaurant,  _ Ober Mamma, _ was a new and highly recommended place that Raven heard about from her French hairstylist. It was busy as it was dinner time but they still managed to get tables, thanks to an early reservation made by the model. Oblivious to the brewing storm in Erik’s mind, Azazel and Erwin were still talking about something he didn’t care about while sitting between them. He was going to see Charles  _ tonight _ . After all those times of being ignored and failing to find him or get him to talk to him, Erik will be having dinner with him, along with the sister he had heard so much about. He wondered what  _ she _ had heard about him, feeling nervous as this would not end well for him if she knew what he had done.

He stared at his watch, less than five minutes before their unexpected reunion and then his gaze fell on the flowers Erwin had bought for  _ his _ Charles. A sneer made its way to Erik’s lips at the thought of the man trying to woo what was his. It was a good thing that he had accidentally found his way to this dinner tonight, when this blonde idiot seemed to be making his move on Charles.

“They’re on their way,” Azazel announced and placed his phone back into his pocket.

“Typical Raven,” Erwin said. “I bet she looks stunning tonight, my friend. The restaurant is in for a treat.”

“No doubt about that.”

The restaurant doors opened and in came a tall, beautiful young woman in a red dress that was completely bare at the back. Some of the people who were dining paused to stare at her, following her with their gaze as she walked gracefully across the room, skirting the narrow spaces in between tables and chairs while a small entourage trailed behind her. Azazel quickly stood and went to her, welcoming her in his arms which she took and allowed herself to be led towards their table. As soon as she moved aside, Erik saw  _ him _ . He stood frozen as Erwin gave Raven a quick peck on her cheek before moving to her brother and giving him a hug.

“Erik, this is Raven,” Azazel said, turning to him.

But he wasn’t looking. His vision was stuck on Charles whose eyes were so big at finding him there, clearly not expecting to see him tonight. The world stood still as they stared at each other, one of those ridiculous movie moments where nothing existed but them, except this was real life and it was taking Erik’s breath away. Their eyes were connected for what felt like an eternity before Charles broke the moment, looking away for a second and schooling his face into a smooth mask of a polite smile. Erik’s head jerked towards Azazel finally, and looked at Raven, forcing himself to smile too.

Azazel coughed and Erik noticed Raven’s hand extended towards him. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you,” Erik managed to say, quickly shaking her hand.

“I’m glad to meet you too, Erik,” she said, looking mildly confused before smiling. “You guys have met Erwin, right?”

“We have,” Azazel said and Erwin waved at them.

Raven smirked at him and gestured to the short man standing between her and Erwin. “This is my brother, Charles.”

“I’ve heard a lot of things about you,” Charles told Azazel as they shook hands.

“All good things, I hope?”

“Mostly good.”

“This is my friend, Erik.”

Erik’s heart was hammering as Charles turned his eyes on him. He wouldn’t have seen any indication that Charles remembered him at all if it weren’t for the slight twitch at the corner of his eye, the same one he saw when they unexpectedly met his mother. They shook hands, Charles muttering ‘hello, Erik’ or some bullshit which he returned, but his focus was on the feel of Charles’ skin, finally feeling that warmth again after so long. He didn’t want to let go, not paying attention as Raven continued to make introductions and announced the names of the people she brought with her from work. His eyes stayed on Charles, keeping his hand in his until Charles had to tug it out of his grip. He gave Erik a cold look that communicated how he wanted this unexpected turn of events to play out: don’t draw attention, pretend we don’t know each other, act like you don’t know me, keep your distance.

Erik wanted to scream, finding it both frustrating and exhilarating that they still had that almost telepathic kind of connection. He let Charles’ hand go but he returned his gaze with a clear message of his own. Charles turned away from him but he knew he was just pretending to listen to Raven.

“Phew! That was a lot of names. Now let’s all sit and get to the eating part. I’m  _ starving _ .”

They all laughed at her comment and then there were sounds of chairs being pulled back as they tried to arrange themselves around the table. Erik reluctantly took his seat between Azazel and Erwin, watching Charles as he sat down beside Raven and another girl whose name he didn’t quite catch. His only reprieve at not sitting beside him was that neither did Erwin get that opportunity.

There were chattering and laughing around him as conversations broke down among smaller groups. Charles was talking politely with Azazel and Raven, asking them about where they met and the nature of Azazel’s work. Azazel answered smoothly and he knew from the tone of his voice that he was trying to make a good impression on Raven’s only known family. Erik smiled, agreeing and inserted short comments when he felt they were needed but he was blissfully left out of the conversation for the most part. That was, until Raven suddenly turned to him and asked:

“So, tell us about yourself. Erik, isn’t it?”

The couple turned to him and he could see from the corner of his eye that Charles was licking his lips, a mannerism he did that told him he was nervous, and refused to meet Erik’s eyes.

“Well, I’m an engineer just like Azazel and we both work for  _ Sogen _ ,” he began easily. “I’ve known Azazel since college, having attended university together. I’m currently working on several projects back in New York so I’m… a bit busy at the moment. I’m glad I tagged along though. Azazel is like a brother.”

Raven’s smile was uncertain and she was about to ask another question when Charles interrupted her. “That’s very interesting, Erik. Me and Raven also live in New York. Do you mind telling us which projects they are?”

Erik froze for a moment, too stunned at being suddenly addressed directly by Charles like they 

were complete  _ strangers _ . He caught himself after a few moments and started a long drone on the things he was working on. Relief bubbled up in his guts as Raven’s face relaxed, even asking some questions of her own while Charles and Azazel listened. Their small group fell into an easy conversation about different things after that and Erik was glad when the spotlight shifted from him.

To his dismay however, Erwin joined their discussion after a few more minutes and Erik fought the urge to ‘accidentally’ spill his soup on his lap, especially when the man started to spout barely concealed attempts to flirt with Charles, who thankfully remained polite but passive.

“I mean, really, they loved your close ups and won’t stop bothering me about contacting you,” Erwin told them, recounting the time he did the photoshoot for Raven and her brother. “But I couldn’t blame them. Charles does have the most  _ gorgeous _ eyes.”

Erik saw Raven elbowing Charles’ ribs under the table and giving him a knowing smile. Charles just laughed, shaking his head. “Well, if they’re willing to provide a ladder or a foot stool, I’d be happy to oblige,” he said.

Erwin laughed along with everyone else and Erik had never wanted to punch anyone more than he wanted to punch him right now so he firmly clutched on his cutlery, shooting Charles a gaze. 

He still refused to meet his eyes, at least not for too long. He furtively threw glances at Erik but just enough to not seem like he was purposefully avoiding him.

“I think your height just adds to your charm,” Erwin said with a wink. “I’m sorry. I’m being too forward, I know.”

“Oh, are you?” Raven asked sarcastically.

Erwin smirked at her. “Nothing but compliments! I know Charles is dating someone so…”

Charles swallowed as the figurative spotlight shifted to him. Better come clean now or face more questions later. “Oh, that. It’s… It didn’t work out.”

Erik’s fingers twitched on his napkin just as Azazel was saying, “Oh… sorry to hear that.”

Erwin on the other hand glowed with barely concealed delight.

“It’s okay,” Charles said, smiling at Azazel kindly. “It’s not… that bad. We both agreed that it wasn’t going to go anywhere so…”

“Well, whatever happened, I’m sure that guy messed up,” Erwin commented and Erik glared at his steak. “I mean, how hard could loving someone like you be?”

“Hear, hear!” Raven said, raising her wine.

“Hear, hear!” the others followed.

Charles smiled at them but avoided Erik’s eyes again, even as he raised his own glass.

“Hear, hear,” Erik echoed tightly.

“Excuse me,” Charles muttered, touching Raven’s shoulder gently after they drank their wine and resumed with other topics of conversation. They exchanged whispers and smiles before Raven continued to talk with Erwin and Azazel.

“I’m just going to make a phone call,” Erik announced even though no one was really paying attention and he got up too. He followed Charles’ figure with his eyes as the other man made his way across the room, dodging servers and guests.

He brought out his phone and pretended to be busy with it, glancing back at the table to make sure everyone else were still occupied before following Charles discreetly. As he turned the corner, he caught the back of Charles’ dark blue jacket as it disappeared inside the men’s room. He quickly went inside and closed the door before flicking the lock. There was a gasp behind him and when he turned, Charles was staring at him and around the empty bathroom.

Charles was bent over the sink while he held his hands against the running water. He quickly turned it off before walking back a few steps. “Erik,” he said.

Erik walked to him, pursuing him until Charles’ back hit the wall and his arms reflexively raised to shield himself, landing on Erik’s chest. Erik placed both of his hands on either side of Charles’ shoulders, pressing the cold marble of the wall as he pressed Charles against it.

“Don’t,” Charles muttered, pushing at his chest.

“Or what?”

Without warning, Charles crashed his head against Erik’s, hitting him painfully at the side of his face. Erik stumbled backwards while Charles took the opportunity to scramble away from the wall and dash for the door. Erik was faster however, quickly regaining his bearings and blocking the exit.

Charles rubbed at the red spot on his temple, probably hurting just as much as Erik. “Do you really think that you can do this? This is a busy restaurant, Erik. In less than five minutes, people will keep trying to get in here.”

“You’re right,” Erik said and unlocked the door before quickly facing Charles again. “But you’ve forced my hand and now you’ll have to listen. We need to talk.”

For a moment, Erik thought that Charles was going to start crying. His blue eyes were wide and watery, full of emotions and his hands curled into fists. But then he breathed deeply and when he spoke, his voice was calm. “I don’t know what you could possibly want to talk about, Erik, but I want you to know that… it’s fine. We’re here for Raven and Azazel so let’s not start beating a dead horse. There’s no need to make this awkward.”

“ _ Awkward _ ?” Erik snarled. “ _ Fine _ ? What could I  _ possibly _ want to talk about? Don’t give me that bullshit. You know damn well why we need to talk.”

“Regardless. This is neither the time nor the place for it,” Charles said firmly and moved to walk past him.

Erik laughed derisively but stayed in the way. “As if you’d really talk to me. You haven’t answered any of my messages or returned any of my calls. You will just keep running away like you always do, won’t you?”

Charles huffed, finally losing his cool. “Okay, Erik. Let’s fucking  _ talk _ . What do you want to hear? Huh? What do you want me to say?” He laughed bitterly, running a hand through his hair and rolling his eyes up to the ceiling. “That I… you know what? Just _ … fuck you _ . I don’t have time for this so can you please get out of my way?”

“Please, just… listen to me,” Erik pleaded, walking towards him slowly. “I was an asshole. I’m a bad person and I can give you a hundred more reasons why you should just walk away right now but I am also stubborn and I  _ can’t _ give you up... so please, just know that I am so, so  _ sorry _ and I never wanted to hurt you.”

A pained breath escaped from Charles. “I  _ don’t _ know you, Erik. That’s the problem. You led me to believe that I did, no, that was  _ me _ all along.  _ I _ allowed myself to extrapolate, form unreasonable expectations and it blew up in my face. I do admit that I’m angry with you for letting me do that because I hate looking like a fool. You should have just  _ told _ me.”

“No… no!” Erik exclaimed and grabbed Charles’ shoulders, squeezing tightly, ignoring the slight pain in his chest when he saw Charles flinching and starting to raise his arms to shield himself at the last second. “You’re getting the wrong idea! Stop putting words in my mouth and just listen.”

“I’m freeing you from responsibility! I am telling you that it’s  _ okay _ , I’m going to be fine _ , I get it _ , now what the fuck do you still want from me?! Because if you want to hear how badly I have fallen for it and humiliate myself, then you are sorely,  _ fucking _ mistaken, my friend. I’ve had enough of that. If you even feel the slightest bit of regret you are implying then you’d at least give me the courtesy of allowing myself to save face.”

Charles’ face was red and Erik froze. He had not seen him this angry before. Erik was about to explode because this wasn’t how things should turn out to be. Everything was flying out the window and panic was starting to take over as he could palpably  _ feel  _ Charles slipping through his fingers like water. Guilt told him to back off but a stronger voice inside him just won’t let him do that. He was completely torn between giving up and forcing Charles to hear him out,  _ really _ hear him out.

“Please! Just fucking  _ listen _ to me—”

That decision was taken away when the door was suddenly moving behind Erik and he automatically pushed Charles inside a bathroom stall and closed it behind him. Charles fell against the wall as Erik pinned him against it just as a set of footsteps was heard. Charles glared at him but didn’t say anything, remaining motionless against him in the cramped space. The mere proximity made Erik want to wrap his arms around the shorter man but he restrained himself as Charles was looking murderous at the moment.

“Erik? Was that you?”

_ Fuck _ .

It was only then that they both realized that the restrooms stalls of  _ Ober Mamma _ were a little more special. From inside the stall, they could clearly see through the one-sided glass of the door the long, tiled sink and the tall, blond man walking in front of it.

“Erwin? Was what me?” he called from the stall. He and Charles exchanged nervous stares. Of all the people who could walk into the bathroom, it had to be  _ him _ .

“Oh, I just heard someone… yelling? I’m not sure but I thought there was some sort of trouble.”

They heard the sound of water running from the other side and watched as Erwin slightly stoop down in front of the sink. Charles bit his lip and adjusted himself so that his head was a lot lower than the top of the stall’s partition. Erik ducked too, resting his forehead against Charles’ shoulder who directed his face away from him. The familiar scent of Charles calmed him but he wished that they were pressed intimately together because of a different circumstance.

“I’m not sure I heard that. I just got here myself,” he answered. He gently turned Charles’ face towards him to give him a meaningful look at their feet before nudging both of Charles legs up and around his waist.  The position was familiar and Charles’ body fit his perfectly like a puzzle as he hoisted him up. He slowly sat on the covered toilet with Charles clinging onto him, understanding completely as he kept his feet up and not visible though the small space at the bottom of the door of the stall.

“Must be from the kitchens then. Hey, sorry to bother you when you’re doing your business but have you seen Charles? He said he was just going to the bathroom but… well, obviously he’s not here.”

Erik reflexively tightened his hold onto Charles whose face was turned away from him but did not protest. “I can’t be certain but I think...”

Charles faced him and slowly whispered to his ear, “Tell him I went outside and I was on my phone.”

“I saw him go outside the restaurant? He was on his phone though and it looked urgent,” he relayed.

“Oh… might be his editor. Raven said working for his boss can be tough.”

“Okay,” Erik said with an air of impatience.

The other read the irritation in his voice but did not accurately deduce the reason for it. “Okay then. Thanks, man.”

They held their breaths as they watched him leave, footsteps travelling towards the door, echoing in the bathroom before completely disappearing. They sighed at the same time and Erik was a bit startled when Charles’ breath hit the side of his cheek. Their eyes found each other and Charles hastily moved to get off of his lap but Erik held his hips tightly, pulling him against his own chest.

“Erik,” Charles muttered in protest as he tried to stand again and failing.

Erik ignored him and buried his face in the nook of Charles’ shoulder, breathing him in and feeling his warmth. He felt the body on his lap stiffen as Erik ran a hand down Charles’ back while the other hand gripped the nape. Charles allowed Erik to hold him for some time and Erik was grateful. He knew he ought to be letting Charles get back to the others now but he held on.

“Erik.” Charles’ voice was soft without any of the hostility from earlier. “It’s okay. I’m… I’ll be fine.”

“What if I don’t want you to be?”

Charles stared at him. “You don’t want—”

“I don’t want you to be  _ fine _ . What if I don’t want you to move on? What if I want you to keep thinking about me?”

Charles shook his head. “That’s very selfish of you, my friend.”

“Can I kiss you?”

Erik felt Charles’ chest flutter against his. “Erik—”

“Please”

“Stop. Erik, I  _ can’t _ .”

“Don’t say that.”

Charles suddenly held Erik’s face with both hands. He leaned down and gently pressed his lips against Erik’s forehead and then stroked his cheek with his thumb. They just stared at each other, saying nothing as they watched two more people come in and out of the bathroom. But then he was standing up, firmly pushing against Erik’s hold which had slackened.

Just as Charles was about to open the door, Erik found his voice. “I won’t give up, Charles. I will make it up to you… everyday. I’ll wait. I’ll do everything… until you’re ready. When you’re willing to give me another chance, I’ll be right behind you.”

Charles paused but did not say anything. He quickly went out of the stall, leaving Erik alone.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm aliiiiive! So yeah, this took a while. I've written two more chapters of this so updates will be faster now. I'm already writing the ending for this and depending on how things shape, I might turn this into a 13-chapter fic. I'm really sorry for the delay and I hope you're still interested. Thank you so much for your patience and support! I've been busy and sort of distracted by the really powerful pull of the Yuri! on Ice fandom. I WILL finish this though, so no fear. :)
> 
> Thank you to my sweet beta, SomeCoolName! ^___^

# 

9

 

Raven was glad that his brother finally agreed to go out for coffee with Erwin. It wasn’t her ‘pushing him into dating’ as he had put it while he was getting ready and she was helping him pick out his clothes, but merely a sister wanting to see her brother test out the waters. The dinner last night was a success and apart from finally introducing the two most important men in her life right now, she’d count having Charles to properly have a conversation with Erwin her biggest accomplishment that night. 

Even though Charles was trying so hard to act like everything was normal and that he was perfectly fine, he wasn’t. She knew him too well for her not to see the small cracks on his smooth façade and that pained her even more than him not confiding to her about it. For all technicalities, this was Charles’ first heartbreak. His brother might be smart and cautious but for all his talk of not believing in love, Charles fell fast and hard. The more she thought about it, the more it made sense: Charles’ heart was bigger than anyone else’s she knew. Another problem she immediately saw (not that Charles having a big heart was a problem) was that his perspective was too small, and he had to widen it, get to know other people.

She checked her phone and found that Azazel will be coming over in an hour and she smiled. She was very glad to be getting some time off while her boys were visiting. It was only eight in the morning so they will have plenty of time, maybe even to follow Charles and Erwin to where they were having breakfast. She was about to deposit her mug into the sink when her door rang.

“Really, Charles,” she muttered fondly, thinking about what it was her brother forgot. She opened the door and was surprised.

“Can we talk?” Erik asked. He looked like he had been up early.

She looked behind him at the hallway. “Erik? Where is Azazel?”

“I came alone,” he said. “Look, there’s something important I have to tell you… about Charles. Can I come in?”

Reluctantly, she stepped aside to let Erik in. “Okay, you’re kinda freaking me out, Erik. Does Azazel know you’re here?”

“Yes,” Erik said. “I told him about everything I’m about to tell you so he wanted to give me time to talk to you. He’ll be coming in an hour.”

Raven nodded. “Okay. Then let’s get this over with. Do you want something to drink?”

“No. I’m fine, thank you.”

They sat in the living room, facing each other. Erik looked tense, and now that she was looking more closely, he seemed tired. The bags under his eyes suggested that he didn’t have any sleep and he kept on glancing around the room, avoiding her eyes.

“Is Charles here?”

“No. He’s out with Erwin today.”

Erik looked like he was frozen for a minute and even from where she sat, she could see his jaw tightening underneath the skin.

“What do you want to tell me, Erik?”

He jumped, like he just remembered she was there and took a deep breath before saying, “I… I want to tell you that I met you brother a few months ago, back in New York. I saw him at a bar—and”

“Oh my god!” she said suddenly, everything clicking into place. “You’re  _ him _ ! You’re Charles’ Erik!”

His eyes widened in confusion. He liked the sound of being Charles’ but clearly, Raven knew about him. “Yes, I guess. What did he tell you about me?”

“I know how you two met and that you are…  _ were _ dating my brother,” she said. “Well, he never called it that, but he said you’re seeing him after work and then you stood him up twice when I came to visit him… then you recently fought?”

“That’s one way of putting it.”

“What happened? He didn’t tell me anything but I know he’s depressed,” she said then started muttering to herself, “God… it’s you! You’re the one I ought to be punching right now! He was crying on the phone when I called him that night and he was crying when I first saw him here after he landed. All those tears…”

Erik’s fist clenched on his lap. “I lied to him. I’m not really a person who dates or is looking for something serious… but I made myself seem like one anyway because I wanted Charles.”

Raven took a deep breath, holding onto her protective instincts and suspending judgment in favor of hearing out this man. “Go on. Tell me exactly what you did.”

“Charles is interesting.  _ Beautiful _ . And when I talked to him I found that he’s smart and just… perfect. When I took him, it wasn’t enough. I pursued him even when… pursued him  _ more _ when he was trying to pull away. It felt good to know that I was getting to him so I did. But I never stopped going out with others.”

“So when my brother took me to meet you, while we were waiting for you… you were...” She asked, tone dangerously even.

“I was with someone else, yes.”

She didn’t even feel herself do it. She blinked and when she opened her eyes there was a huge red handprint on Erik’s cheek and her hand stung. “How dare you! How fucking dare you!”

Erik didn’t say anything, just kept on looking at her carpet.

“Do you have any idea how you broke my brother? Do you have a fucking clue of what you’ve done?!” Raven spat. She was glad Azazel wasn’t here because she was going to hurt this man so bad.

“I know. That’s why I’m here, to come clean. I want to make things right with him,” Erik said, voice shaking and his jaw clenching.

Raven huffed. “Why bother? Tell me. What happened that night? I was trying to reach him for six fucking hours and he won’t answer my calls. What the fuck did you do?”

Erik’s eyes hardened. “He… saw me with someone else.”

“Saw you what, exactly?” she asked mercilessly.

“Kissing another guy, in a hotel elevator,” he muttered stoically. “He was having dinner with his workmates while I was there for a meetup. I didn’t know he was going to be there.”

“Oh, I’m guessing you  _ really _ didn’t,” she said. “And that was  _ after _ you stopped talking to him, right? After you just suddenly stopped answering his calls or seeing him? You were just going to disappear after you’ve made my brother fall for you!”

“I’m sorry! I really am! I did not mean for him get hurt—”

“No, you listen to me!” Raven shouted, fuming. “Don’t tell me that Charles was just  _ collateral damage _ to your fucking games and that you’re fucking  _ sorry _ !”

“I know I was wrong,” Erik pleaded, “and I know I did a terrible thing… that I might not even be able make it up to him but that’s why I’m here.”

“You’re only sorry you got caught,” she accused him. “If Charles hadn’t caught you, you wouldn’t have told him. He’d still be blindly chasing after you because you’re not even decent enough to set him free. You led him on and made him look like a fucking fool, you asshole.”

Erik clenched his jaw. “You’re right. I’m a shitty person. I’m a jerk. I don’t deserve your brother,” he said tightly, “and if I could pay for it in any way, undo all those hurt I’ve caused him, I would. For what it's worth, I regret hurting him.”

“Why did you even tell me all these things? Have you talked to Charles yet?” she asked. When Erik did not respond for a long time, the answer came to her. “He didn’t want to, did he? Even after last night, Charles did not say a word to me. He wants to erase you already, like a bad memory. That’s how he is, has always been. He doesn’t force himself on people he didn’t think want him.  _ You’ve _ made him feel like that, so why are you even here?”

“I did not realize it sooner but I love Charles. I  _ love _ you brother.” Erik was looking at her now, eyes swimming with regret but full of determination. “I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get him back. I’ll wait years if that’s how long he needs to have me again.”

“So you’re sorry and you want my brother back. Are we supposed to just move past you being the garbage that you are, Erik?” She laughed sarcastically. “That’s easy to say.”

“I mean it.”

“Your words mean  _ nothing _ .”

“Even so,” he said without flinching, “I mean it all the same.”

“My brother is on a date right now, with a man who I know will  _ never _ hurt him like you did,” she informed him. “A man who is capable of taking care of him and making him happy, so why can’t you just leave Charles alone?”

“If that’s what Charles wants, then I’ll disappear,” he replied without skipping a beat, “but until I’m fully sure that he doesn’t want to be with me, then I’m not backing off.”

“You’re so sure of yourself.”

“I have my reasons.”

Raven was torn between slapping Erik again and admiring his conviction. “And if he doesn’t want you back?”

He swallowed, eyes hard and face looking like he was being forced to swallow poison. “Then so be it… I’ll be whatever he needs me to be.”

She could tell that he didn’t want to be here. He knew he’d get ridiculed and possibly hurt. Raven was not going to be a friend to him after what he was planning to tell her. Yet here he was.

“Please, Raven. Let me make it up to him. Let me make things right…”

“I’m not forgiving you, not one bit and the fuck do I know how you could possibly make things ‘ _ right _ .’ I want to beat you up until you’d have to crawl your way back to New York,” she said tiredly. “But I do appreciate you coming here to tell me all these things. You didn’t have to do it. But it isn’t enough. The only reason why I’m not driving you out of the door yet is because of Charles.”

Erik looked up at her, breath catching.

“Don’t get your hopes up just yet. You’re still a shitty person,” she said quickly. “But Charles cares about you. Even after all you’ve done he still…”

“He hates me,” Erik said bitterly, “because of what I did. Even if he doesn’t say it out loud—”

“You don’t know my brother,” she cut him off. “And here's the thing, Charles had never borne you ill will. He did feel bad,  _ rejected _ , but he never really hoped to get anything else but disappointment. Charles is very pessimistic when it comes to people. He  _ expects _ people to get tired of him.” 

“He has trust issues?” 

“No, he trusts people, more than they deserve actually,” she said. “It’s more of he doesn’t think people will like him enough. He has lived a hard life and he thinks that people can just leave him at any moment, like he’s not  _ worth _ staying for.”

The look on Erik’s face showed pure outrage and she shrugged sympathetically. “I know,” she agreed. “In fact, I’d even bet that he thinks he doesn’t have to forgive you, Erik... more of accept what you did, really. Like coming to terms with having to get wet when it suddenly rains and he forgot his umbrella. He doesn't blame the clouds because it's natural, and doesn’t hope the clouds will make an exception. If anything, he thinks it's his fault for not bringing an umbrella...”

She heard him choke as he buried his face in his hands. She could still remember how Charles had described him months ago. The height, being objectively attractive, the accent... She had an inkling something was up about this man when she first met him last night but the way Charles had carried himself around him, in front of everyone, it was flawless. Or she wasn’t paying much attention? Still the biggest shock of all for her was that her loving brother would actually  _ fall _ for someone, much less an asshole such as  _ this,  _ not after what he had seen with his parents and keeping to himself since forever. She was on the verge of giving up on him until she heard about that bar escapade.

“Thank you, Raven.”

“Whatever. Get out or I’ll break your neck.”

 

\----------------------

 

“Thank you.”

The tea was steaming hot as Charles reached for it gratefully with both hands. Erwin smiled at him before settling in the chair next to him with his own cup of coffee. Halfway through their stroll, it started to rain and they quickly made a dash for the nearest shelter they could find. Charles was happy that it was a café as they were both slightly wet and he was beginning to shiver in the cold.

“Raven said you don’t drink coffee,” Erwin told him.

“I do sometimes. I just prefer tea.”

The rain pattered against the glass beside their table and Charles watched it as he sipped his cup, letting the warmth spread from his stomach to his numbing fingers while tracking the slide of water droplets.

“I’m really glad you gave me some time today,” Erwin said.

“I enjoy your company, Erwin,” he said with a gentle grin, blowing at his cup and looking at his companion. “I’m glad we went out.”

“Congratulations, by the way.”

“On what?”

“On your new section on  _ White _ of course,” Erwin replied.

“Oh… thank you,” he said. “It’s just a small section really. Emma knows I want to write fiction so this is her giving me a toy.”

Erwin laughed. “I’m sure she knows how this  _ toy _ will help her increase her readership. You’re a fantastic writer, Charles. I’ve read the first story you wrote for the section and it was brilliant though I have to say, I probably would have died too.”

Charles chuckled at the reference of his story wherein the lead character failed to guess the killer’s identity and was inevitably killed. “He was given a fair amount of clues though.”

“I don’t think a timetable and a few cryptic pictures can be considered a fair amount,” the other protested. “Or is it just me? I’m a more straight-forward guy. Give me something to punch instead of clues.”

“I guess that is one way of handling it,” he relented.

“I’m not as smart as you,” Erwin said with a grin. “I’m a very simple man but I pride myself with knowing that there’s always something else aside from what is apparently our only choice.”

“You insult your intelligence and then you say something very clever,” he pointed out good-naturedly.

“Not without reason,” Erwin said before reaching across table to put his hand over Charles.’ “I just want to say that good things need not be wrapped in complications. Sometimes, simpler is better… if you give it a chance.”

Charles returned Erwin’s gaze as the hand on his tightened before slowly pulling him closer. He tried to relax as the other man drew nearer, staring at his mouth. He closed his eyes as their lips touched.

 

\----------------------

 

Now it all made sense. Charles’ cautiousness, his struggle whenever he was about to lose himself, those sad smiles… It told Erik the gravity of what he had done. In his mistake, he had blindly proven exactly what Charles had feared all along.

So giving up was not an option.

After his plane back home landed, he checked the arrivals. Charles’ flight had safely landed twenty minutes ahead of his. He smiled and dragged his luggage back to where Azazel was waiting for him in line for some coffee.

“Did you find his flight?” his friend inquired when he was within earshot.

“Yes,” he replied. “Thank you again for asking Raven. I owe you one.”

“She only agreed to tell me if I promised to keep you  _ away _ from that flight,” Azazel told him. “That is why I’m lining up for this expensive airport coffee so don’t you dare ditch me and wander around the airport to look for Charles.”

“I have no such intentions,” he assured him, deciding not to mention that he had thought of offering the writer a ride. “I merely want to check if he landed back safely.”

“Oh, and Raven commanded me to report everything to her.  _ Everything _ .”

“You’re supposed to be my friend.” 

“And Raven is my  _ master _ ,” Azazel argued. “What was I supposed to say when she asked so nicely?”

Erik rolled his eyes. He wasn’t really bothered that Raven wanted eyes on him. He’d just have to show her how serious he was with this and then she’ll see the light. “Fine. Do as she commands.”

“I don’t have a choice, Lehnsherr.”

Erik allowed Charles to leave the airport in peace but his mind was already thinking of ways to prove himself and win back Charles. He had to show him that he was a changed man and that he was worth being given a second chance.

With the change that he was planning to do, he realized that he really didn’t have to change much… except his  _ cellphone number _ . After depositing his things back in his apartment, Erik went straight to getting a new sim card. He copied the important numbers of family, friends, colleagues, and clients but everything else, he left before tossing the old sim card into the bin. He composed a message for everyone, informing them of the new number and to delete the old one. Several of them returned his message throughout the day as Erik used the time to catch up with work in his home office. He had his hands full but he couldn’t help jerking his head towards the screen of his phone whenever a new message was received. He sent the message to Charles too, of course, and he couldn’t help the disappointment whenever he found that it wasn’t him.

At around five in the afternoon, Erik stretched in front of his computer, feeling tired and hungry. It was around this time that he usually thought of whether to cook or eat out, and who to see tonight. Right now though, he just wanted to eat dinner, preferably with Charles… or eat Charles…  _ no _ ! Erik shook his head hard and mentally kicked himself.

He groaned loudly and let his forehead land on his desk with a thud. Barely a day after deciding to go celibate for Charles, he was already thinking of  _ that _ . He glanced at the clock and then wondered if Charles was eating out or…

He suddenly grabbed his phone and dialed Charles’ number. He anxiously waited, unmoving with the side of his face pressed against the surface of his desk. One ring… three rings… seven… nine…

_ “Hello?” _

He just woke up, Erik thought fondly, noting the sleep immediately from that voice. “Hey.”

There was the sound of rustling cloth on the other end and Erik could almost see him, wearing his blue striped pajamas under thick covers with his hair mussed up and adorably sticking out in different directions…

_ “Erik?” _

“Yeah. Sorry, did I wake you?

_ “Ummm… yes, actually, but it’s fine. Was there something hahrnn…” _

Erik smiled as he heard the other yawn out the last word, seeing the image of Charles’ sleepy eyes, the way he had seen it before. He grabbed a pencil from the side of his table and then absent-mindedly tried to balance it on its tip. “I didn’t quite catch that.”

_ “Sorry. I asked if there’s something you need.” _

There were a  _ lot _ of things he could have answered to that, none of which Charles would appreciate hearing at the moment so he settled for, “Well, I’m just wondering if you’ve already had dinner… if you had plans.”

There was a long pause from the other end and he waited, feeling scared as he already knew the answer he would get. Still, he couldn’t help himself. He wanted to hear Charles’ voice even as he rejected his dinner invitation.

_ “I’m… meeting someone for dinner.” _

“Ah,” Erik said neutrally. He had been expecting it but it still stung. And  _ someone _ again? “Well, I was just… asking. I’m going to that burger place again, and… I know how you liked their food.”

_ “Yeah that’s… I’ll just try to come by next time.” _

Erik nodded to his pencil before he accidentally broke the tip. “Yes, you really should. I mean—”

_ “I have to go now, Erik.” _

“Of course,” he replied, trying to sound understanding. “You just got back and—”

The line went dead. Erik stared at nothing in particular for a long time. He sighed and sat up, wiping his hands on his face while trying to calm himself.

 

\---------------------------------

 

“Door is open, Hank.”

Sure enough, the door to his office that was slightly ajar swung open and the tall, bespectacled intern walked in. Charles had just finished reading yet another email from the family lawyer and was about to get back to the half-finished article he was working on before he regretfully turned to his desk just as Hank was taking a seat in front.

“You’re back,” Hank said.

“I rather miss my office,” Charles said with a smile. Hank looked nervous. “Is something wrong?”

“I heard you visited Paris.”

“I did. My sister, Raven, works there at the moment,” he answered.

“That’s great,” Hank informed him. “I mean… I saw the article about her and—”

“Wait,” Charles said suddenly with an amused expression, “are you  _ crushing _ on my sister?”

Hank’s eyes were wide and his jaw dropped. Charles tried to hold back his laugh but failed and then he regretfully collected himself. Hank was blushing furiously and was now staring intently at Charles’ table like it was the most magnificent piece of art.

“Glad to see you laughing again,” Hank said, scratching the back of his head.

“I’m so sorry, Hank,” Charles said, mentally reprimanding himself. “I… It’s not funny. At all. You’re a wonderful young man and anyone would be lucky to have you… and my sister is a gorgeous model. I understand why you’d have a crush on her.”

Hank shook his head. “I’m not… crushing on your sister. She’s beautiful but it’s not like that. I didn’t know that she was a model until the article, I just…”

The younger man was smiling as he continued to fumble for words, even as his face drowned in red and his voice shook with nerves. Charles frowned until something clicked.

“I’m glad to see you, back here in the office,” Hank told him, finally meeting his eyes. “I mean,  _ everyone _ missed you. Sean was half convinced he could get Emma to approve his epic fantasy while you’re… on vacation. We were really worried.”

“Well, I’m back now,” he said. “And I was never really gone. I just needed to get some time off.”

Hank nodded. “Still. Welcome back. And I meant what I said… I’m really glad that you’re laughing again.”

“Thank you, Hank.”

The intern lingered in the chair for some time, looking torn at something like he was debating in his mind. Charles patiently waited, smiling politely but then Hank nodded and got up with a barely audible ‘see ya’ that left Charles amused. After Hank left, Charles kept working in his office. His day was remarkably ordinary, full of the usual drone of routine activities and the same irregularities he had to deal with, or ask Emma to deal with for them. It helped him restore normalcy in his life and focus on more important things, the way he used to do. But as much as he wanted to deny it, Charles’ mind still kept finding time to think about Erik whenever he could spare a moment, especially after that phone call.

He had answered it because he thought it was someone important. He had been sleeping since he came back in his apartment that he did not read the message from Erik, explaining about the new number he was using. He now wondered if Erik lost his cellphone, in retrospect, but his brain was not functioning properly when they were talking and all he could think of was ending the call, getting away from that voice he yearned to hear.

And now there’s Hank. It didn’t take a genius to figure out why the intern was acting that way. But  _ why _ ? Since when?

Could it be that Raven was right? Before he left, his sister told him that he had to widen his horizons. He never knew anyone before Erik and maybe that was why he had such a hard time getting past their little incident. Maybe he had to go out with other people. Would he feel the same with them as how he did with Erik? Erwin promised to visit him soon and Hank was suddenly concerned about him…

_ Careful. I’m starting to sound just like him. _

Even as curious as he was, Charles had not the heart to experiment with other people’s feelings. After Erwin had kissed him, he told the man that he was sorry and that he wasn’t ready. Erwin was understandably disappointed but was cool about it, saying that he’ll keep in touch and that they should meet soon.

“Emma said she can’t meet us later. She has a sudden urgent meeting from the security company. Will tomorrow at two be okay?” Angel asked, her head suddenly popping in through the door crack.

“Two in the afternoon is perfect. Thank you, beautiful,” he replied. His cheerful tone did not reveal the thoughts plaguing his mind.

“You’re welcome, handsome,” she returned and then she was gone.

But what if there were no feelings involved? Maybe this was why people did one night stands.

He could do it. All his life, he had never allowed himself to act stupid and make silly mistakes. He’d have to make one willingly, right? Sooner or later? He could go somewhere… a club and then try to mingle with the crowd… and then maybe he’d understand why  _ he _ did it…

When he got to his apartment and stepped out of the elevator, he was trying to convince himself that he was a grown man who could do whatever he wanted that the law allowed and then stopped dead. In the middle of the hallway was Margaret, lying unconscious on the floor, a brown bag beside her and several potatoes and a bread loaf scattered around her.

“Margaret!” he exclaimed as he dashed to the old woman.

He quickly checked her pulse and breathing with shaking hands but he couldn’t concentrate. He shook her and called her name several times but she remained limp in his arms.

“Oh god,” he muttered and took out his phone. “Help! Help! Someone call an ambulance!”

No one answered. His hands shook as he tried to call someone instead, fumbling with the screen until he realized he didn’t know who to call. He pushed the button to the last call he had taken and at the second ring, Erik answered.

_ “Charles?” _

“Erik! It’s Margaret. She’s unconscious. I found her on the hallway. I think she collapsed while walking to her apartment. I have to get her to the hospital but I don’t have a car…”

_ “Okay, just calm down.” _

“I don’t know what to do. I think it’s a heart attack or a stroke. She’s breathing but I’m not sure if she’s okay…”

_ “Stay put. I’m driving close by. I’ll be there in five minutes.” _

Charles sighed gratefully. “Thank you,” he said and then turned to the old woman as he pocketed his phone. Her breathing was shallow and faint. After making sure that she didn’t have a head or spine injury, Charles decided that he should just carry her down the elevator so they could take her faster. He placed his arms under her knees and behind her back before hauling her up. Even with her slight form, he struggled to stand before taking cautious steps to the elevator. “Margaret, it’s Charles. I’m taking you to the hospital. You’re going to be fine,” he said as they descended, in case she could hear him.

By the time the elevator doors open, Erik was already there and he quickly took Margaret from Charles’ arms. He carried her more easily. They quickly brought her to the car and then they were driving to the hospital’s emergency door. Charles kept glancing at the back seat to her unconscious body throughout the drive while Erik smoothly weaved his car through the traffic. They saw the medical staff waiting as they pulled over.

It all happened in a blur, people in scrubs and coats pushing a stretcher while some of them attended to her, checking her pulse, putting on an oxygen mask and a million other things. As they took her away, Charles felt something soft brush against his cheek. He looked up to find Erik watching him while wiping away the tears he didn’t realize were falling down his face. He wordlessly took the offered handkerchief and followed the nurse who was taking medical history, or at least that’s what Charles thought as he couldn’t make out any of her words. She handed him a patient information form but Charles was just looking at it like he didn’t know what to do.

“Mister? I need you to fill this out. What is your relation to the patient?” she pushed.

“He’s just a neighbor,” Erik answered for him after he stared at the nurse without a response. 

“She lives across the hall and he found her unconscious in the hallway of the apartment building when he got home earlier. He called me to help him take her here.”

“Thank you,” she told Erik. “Can you accomplish this form?”

“We’ll fill in what we can,” Erik said and then ushered Charles away.

He led them to the waiting area which had comfortable couches and a big flat screen. Charles sank down on one, barely aware of Erik sitting beside him with the clipboard in his hands. He was scribbling something for a few seconds and then reluctantly turned to him.

“Charles, I don’t know most of these things. We need someone here from her family… Charles?”

He blinked, finally feeling a warm hand rubbing his shoulder. “Yes, of course… her daughter.”

He fumbled for his phone and found the number. Erik was watching him as he waited for Lysa to pick up. The warm hand on his shoulder was comforting and for a moment, he felt like leaning towards it until a sharp image flashed in his mind and the touch turned scalding. Charles jerked his shoulders and hastily stood up on shaky legs, ignoring Erik’s hurt look as he walked a few steps away.

Lysa sounded awake when she finally picked up. She was happy to hear from him again that he was reluctant to give her the bad news. He did though, and it was easier once he got started. Erik looked anxious as Charles walked back to him.

“What did she say?” Erik asked as he sat down opposite him.

“She’ll be here by tomorrow, depending on the flight she books later. Until then, she asked me to stay with Margaret,” he said.

“I’ll wait with you,” Erik told him but Charles shook his head.

“It’s okay, Erik. I can manage. You should go home and get some rest.”

The other just stared at him. “You can barely speak with the nurse earlier.”

“That’s…” he trailed off.

He couldn’t say that the scene reminded him too much of one of the most horrifying experiences of his life, a memory of being ten years old and coming home from school to find his father’s lifeless form on the floor, small white tablets scattered around him on the expensive carpet. He was too young to fully understand what happened but he was old enough to know that his father was in danger. He couldn’t say that that particular memory still haunted him like it happened yesterday, the familiar cold dread and fear creeping back to drag him to the past when he was still naïve and helpless…

“I was a bit shocked, that’s all,” he said.

Erik stared at him with clear disbelief. “Please, just let me help. Margaret is important to me too so I want to stay and make sure she’s okay.”

Charles would rather deal with this alone than have Erik here with him but what the other was asking was fair and Charles found he was in no position to deny him. “Okay.”

For an hour more, they waited. Charles sat on a separate couch from Erik, composing an email on his phone for Raven who was very fond of Margaret. Having grown up without a mother figure, Margaret was the closest thing she had to one. Erik sat opposite him, arms crossed while watching the hospital’s television showing the evening news.

“Are you with Margaret Harvey?” the doctor asked as he walked into the waiting room.

Charles and Erik both stood up. “Yes, we’re her friends and we brought her here. Her daughter will be flying in tonight but she won’t get here till tomorrow,” Charles replied. “How is she?”

“The results show that she suffered from a mild stroke. The affected area includes the part of her brain responsible for gross motor coordination which is why I think she fell and lost consciousness. We’re still assessing the extent of the damage of the fall itself but it looks like she didn’t hit anything important. Her left arm is a bit swollen so we’re guessing she managed to break the fall with it. She still hasn’t woken up but she’s stable now.”

“Is she going to wake up soon?” he asked weakly. “Will she be alright?”

“It’s hard to tell when but I think her chances are good. Still, I want her to be transferred in intensive care to be sure,” the doctor said. “After that, we’d have to assess the damage caused by the stroke and get an MRI. She might have ambulatory or speech issues after she wakes up, depending on the extent of the brain lesion but that’s another thing we’ll deal with when it comes.”

Erik was rubbing his back again and he let himself sag a little and lean on him. The other easily wrapped an arm around his shoulders and squeezed reassuringly.

“I’ll tell her daughter,” Charles said. “Thank you.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alive again, momentarily. Short update but I think (I know you don't trust me anymore) I'll have the next one up very soon. The end is written and I don't know how you guys will react to it.   
> Thank you for putting up with this and giving me kudos and comments!   
> This chapter is dedicated to my beta, SomeCoolName, who is going to be flying and soaring in new skies. So happy for you! ^___^

# 

10

 

Lysa arrived in the hospital at around nine in the morning, just as the doctor finished telling them that Margaret was transferred to the intensive care unit before midnight last night for precaution while the two of them dozed off in the waiting area. She came straight from the airport, dragging her luggage behind her with a man about Erik’s height hovering beside her. She cried when Charles got up to walk to her and she hugged him tightly.

“Thank you for bringing her,” she sobbed against his shirt. “I wasn’t here… she could have died.”

“It’s okay. Your mother is going to make it. The doctor said so,” he hushed her, patting her back. “You’re here now.”

She nodded after releasing him and the man behind wiped her tears. “This is Tom, my husband. Tom, this is Charles, he’s a close friend and the one who brought mom here.”

“Hello,” Tom said as he shook Charles’ hand.

Charles smiled at the couple before glancing at Erik who had been keeping a polite distance but had been listening to the exchange. “This is Erik. He’s actually the one who brought her here.”

Erik walked over to them. “I was driving nearby when Charles called for help. I think we got her here pretty quickly.”

“Thank you,” Lysa said breathlessly, squeezing Erik’s arm before stepping back and looking at them with watery eyes.

“Have you eaten anything? I can get some food if you’re hungry,” Erik volunteered but Lysa shook her head.

“Thank you but I don’t really feel hungry right now,” she said.

They sat down in the waiting room after Charles called the nurse to introduce Lysa and fill her in about her mother’s state. She and Tom listened intently, holding hands while she leaned against him for support. When the nurse left with a promise to get back to her as soon as it was okay to let her see Margaret, Lysa turned to Charles and Erik.

“You two should go home. You’ve been here since last night and my mom wouldn’t appreciate knowing that you guys had to miss work or something for her,” she told them.

Charles quickly shook his head before throwing Erik a glance. “We both want to be here. Margaret can bite our heads off after she has recovered.”

Erik nodded in agreement and she laughed. “Well, that’s really sweet of you but you two look like you need a proper sleep,” she said, her eyes staying on Charles.

“We can take your luggage back to Margaret’s. I assume you’ll be staying there?” Erik said before Charles can protest again.

“Yes, that would be wonderful,” she replied, smiling.

Charles reluctantly nodded. “Okay.”

“Oh, and I think it would be nice to get her some clothes and things too?” Tom suggested.

She nodded. “Yeah, some clothes… and grooming things? If it’s not too much trouble.”

“Of course. We’ll be back later at around noon,” Erik said. She nodded and handed them the key to her mother’s apartment, given earlier by the nurse who said they found it in her pocket before they put her inside the MRI machine. He motioned for Charles to come with him and the other man reluctantly followed.

Lysa and her husband waved at them before they dragged the couple’s luggage back to where Erik parked his car. They didn’t have much to bring so they waved off the couple’s insistence to bring their bags themselves.  Charles stared at Erik after they’ve loaded the bags inside the compartment of the black sedan, pointedly not getting in. Erik sighed.

“They need the time alone. I haven’t known Lysa for as long as you have but she looked guilty as it is,” he told Charles and then slid inside the driver’s seat. Charles sighed but did not say anything before getting inside too.

The drive back was silent and a bit awkward now that Margaret was no longer in the backseat. Charles had been on this car many times before but it felt alien now, his skin itching to get away where the leather touched him. He stiffly turned to the window, cursing in his mind when they reached a busy street with a red light at the intersection and he brought out his phone to pretend to be doing something. He could feel Erik’s attempts at not bothering him but he could still feel the other’s gaze directed at him occasionally. Before Erik could start a conversation, Charles opted to call Emma so he could actually inform her that he won’t be able to come in today for work. He dragged the conversation as the two of them waited for the green light, carefully explaining Margaret’s state to his boss despite Emma saying that she didn’t have to know the exact location of the brain lesion and that she was hanging up.

Charles managed to get to the elevator without having to exchange words with Erik until the doors were closing and he belatedly realized that Erik would of course take the opportunity.

“Thank you for calling me, Charles. I mean, I’m glad you called me during that time,” Erik amended when Charles didn’t answer, watching the numbers above them and counting down the seconds when he can finally put some distance between them. Erik knew this and shut his mouth, hurting again and wanting to say more despite knowing Charles won’t talk to him in return.

“Thank you for coming… for helping Margaret,” Charles muttered softly but it rang with so much sincerity that Erik almost smiled.

Charles quickly stepped out of the elevator as soon as the doors slid open, not waiting for Erik who clenched his hand beside him. They went to Margaret’s door in silence and Erik unlocked it. Charles led the way inside the apartment and dragged some of the bags with him with Erik following suit, towing the rest. They left them in the living room wordlessly before Charles made his way to Margaret’s room. He had been avoiding making eye contact with Erik, acting like he was completely alone and ditching him whenever the opportunity presented itself.

Erik sighed again and slowly walked to the room too. He stood by the door, knocking on the wood to announce his presence. “Can I help?” he asked when Charles ignored him.

Charles was opening Margaret’s closet and checked which of the clothes he could bring. He wasn’t planning on dragging Erik back again later when he was going back to the hospital. “Check the bathroom for toiletries. Her maintenance meds are in the medicine chest.”

Erik nodded despite Charles not looking at him before walking out of the room. As with everything he did, Erik accomplished the task quickly and efficiently. He was going back to the bedroom to ask Charles for a bag when he found that the writer had not made much progress and was currently removing a hanger from a ridiculously frilled dress.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he asked.

Charles spared him a look before going back to his task and Erik would have believed the nonchalance on his face if not for the undeniable mess building on the bed. Erik knew the problem instantly when he glanced at the pile of clothes.

“Get loose and gartered clothes, Charles, easy to put on and comfortable to move in,” he said casually, ignoring the way the other stared at the collection of clothes he got which were all what the old woman wore when going out to ballroom dance. “And please tell me you also got bras.”

Charles sighed. “I was looking for them but I don’t know where they are,” he said defensively. Erik had a feeling that Charles completely forgot.

Erik walked to the drawers by the dresser and checked them. He found what he was looking for in the second level and got three pieces. Charles was putting back the unneeded clothes back while separating the ones to be packed at the foot of the bed.

“Don’t feel bad. I had practice,” Erik told him.

Charles’ back stiffened. “I just thought she’d want to look good… healthy. That’s what my mother would have wanted.” He pointedly did not ask Erik to elaborate on what he meant by practice but Erik explained anyway.

“My mother preferred comfort over aesthetics when she got confined in the hospital,” he said.

“Is—was she sick? How is she?”

Erik shook his head, smiling softly. “No, she just sprained an ankle once,” he said. “Told me that I was fussing too much when she could just ice it herself. She whacked my head with the daily newspaper whenever I came for a visit but she still stayed for a week. I’ll count that as my win.”

Charles could not suppress the laughter that bubbled out of him before hastily coughing. He looked like he wanted to say something and Erik stared at him expectantly only for Charles to look away and go back to the task of returning clothes.

“Where are her bags? Does she have a luggage?” Erik asked as he stepped closer to help him.

“I think she said that it broke on her last trip. I don’t think she owns a duffle or anything like that. All I ever see her use are purses and handbags, those kinds of things.”

“We’ll need one for those,” Erik told him.

“I know, Erik. I have one in my place, I think. Stay here and I’ll get it.”

Erik didn’t even attempt to try to make a way to visit Charles’ flat again as the other left him. It was blatant that he wasn’t welcome anymore with how Charles was acting even if he didn’t say it out loud. Over the course of less than twenty-four hours, Erik had felt rejected again and again that he was beginning to think that Charles may not really want him anymore. The thought was painful and scary, something he would rather not linger on so he finished putting the clothes away and carried the things they needed to pack out to the living room. Charles was taking too long so Erik gave in to the urge to follow him.

The door was unlocked when he opened it. He could hear Charles’ voice flittering from the room he remembered to be his bedroom. The door was open and he could see Charles leaning against the wall, looking out the window as he talked to his phone. Erik didn’t want to eavesdrop but his voice was so happy, laughing and talking to the person on the other end. He was about to knock when he heard Erwin’s name and he clenched his fists, suddenly wanting to punch it instead. He breathed deeply, focusing on keeping his anger at bay before forcing his feet to move, to walk away.

He found himself inside Charles’ study, his head throbbing in anger. Charles can talk to whoever he wanted and Erik didn’t have any right to get upset since he was the one who pushed Charles away but still… He leaned on Charles’ desk, breathing in and out until he felt calm enough and decided to look for that bag to distract himself from thinking about strangling a certain blonde man to death.

He spotted it easily, hanging on a hook by the shelf. It was the same one Charles had brought to the beach, he realized and he clutched it tightly while Charles’ muffled voice rang in the background.  Erik found it empty when he searched it and pulled it from the hook. It was caught on another sling bag so he pulled again, the force knocking down the old bags which Charles obviously hadn’t used in a while. He cursed under his breath as he picked them up feeling more annoyed until a small box with his name on it caught his eye. It looked like it fell from one of the bags. He picked it up, brushing the dust off and recognizing Charles’ handwriting on the note attached to it, stuck on the blue ribbon tied around it.

 

_ Erik, _

 

_ I didn’t know what else to get you so I got this. Raven hates it but I told her that my ability to give good gifts is tied to how well I know the person. Here’s a silly pen and the hope that I will be giving better gifts in the future. _

 

_ -Charles _

 

Erik clutched the narrow box and held it close to his chest as he breathed out. Without thinking, he pocketed the note and fumbled with the ribbon just as Charles was suddenly walking in.

“Erik?”

Erik turned to him in surprise. Charles’ eyes were wide, surprised too to find the man inside his flat again despite not being invited and then it went wider when his gaze landed on the box in Erik’s hands. He clenched his jaw and then he was coming, hands reaching for it.

“No!” Erik muttered moving the box out of reach.

Charles glared at him. “Why are you here? I told you to wait at Margaret’s apartment! And who gave you the right to snoop around my things?” he spat venomously as he tried to grab again.

“I’m sorry I invited myself in. You were gone for quite long so I got worried and followed you,” he explained. “Then I heard you were talking to fucking Erwin so I retreated here, to give you privacy… even if it was fucking  _ Erwin _ . I was just going to get the duffle myself but then I found this when I accidentally knocked the bags down. I wasn’t snooping around!”

Charles tried to reach the box which Erik was now hiding behind his back before raising it up again as the shorter man tried and tried to snatch it from his grip.

“First of all, it’s none of your business who I talk to,” Charles said and Erik ignored another stab in his chest. “Second, that is my property so you keep your hands off of it!”

“It has my name on it.”

“And  _ I _ bought it,” Charles countered. “So hand it over right now.”

Erik seethed and refused to budge. “No. I think I’m going to keep this.”

That was the last straw. Charles moved towards him until Erik had to back away slightly as he avoided the more aggressive attempts of grabbing it from Erik’s hands. Erik raised his hand up, using his height to his advantage again which forced a string of curses from Charles as he jumped and tried to swipe it away.

“Give it back, Erik!” Charles muttered as he made another failed attempt. He had been stepping on Erik’s feet but the other was too focused on protecting the box to care.

“Stop it, Charles! I know it’s mine!”

While they struggled more, Charles stepped on Erik’s foot again, by accident or on purpose he couldn’t tell, before reaching up and finally succeeding, only to realize that they were both falling. Erik quickly recovered from the fall and crawled over him, pinning his legs under his weight and trying to grab the box back. Charles hissed, trying to throw Erik off while moving the box away. Erik cursed again and caught Charles’ arms, pinning them down against the floor beside Charles’ head. The box was still in Charles’ right hand but Erik wasn’t focusing on it anymore. He was looking down at Charles now, finding the position familiar.

Charles glared up at him, looking murderous but Erik could feel his heart’s wild beating where their chests were pressed together.

“Charles,” he said before slowly resting their foreheads together.

Charles flinched at the contact and tried to free one of his arms again. “Erik… get off.”

“I missed you so, so  _ much _ , Charles. You have no idea,” he said before leaning down. Charles quickly turned his head and Erik’s lips pressed to side of his neck instead, making him shiver despite his anger. “You have  _ no _ idea,” he said again.

Charles closed his eyes, breathing deeply. “I understand now… let me up, Erik. I get it.”

Instead of answering, Erik buried his face into the crook of Charles’ neck. He then released Charles’ wrists in favor of sliding his hands up and lacing their fingers together. He squeezed both hands firmly, pressing the back of Charles’ hands against the carpeting and releasing the battered box. Charles had stopped struggling under him and this time, when they locked gazes, Charles’s face was blank and void of any emotion. He didn’t turn away when Erik leaned down again, not even when he firmly pressed his lips against Charles.’

The kiss started slow and chaste, Charles remaining mostly passive and letting Erik did as he pleased. He pursed his lips when he felt Erik’s tongue sliding on them, requesting entrance and then he parted them, allowing Erik to deepen the kiss. The taste of Charles’ mouth was like home and Erik greedily savored it, his chest clenching painfully when he felt Charles starting to kiss back. Erik moaned when he felt Charles’ tongue move against his and he coaxed it into his own mouth, suckling lightly before nipping at those plump red lips he missed so much.

When they parted, Charles’ blue eyes were hooded and he was blushing, making Erik smile. He wanted this. Every night, his mind kept coming back to the moments they spent together and he was here again. Erik growled before starting to mouth on the side of Charles’ neck feeling pleased as Charles shuddered against him. He allowed Charles’ right hand when it pushed to break free and he was pleasantly surprised when he felt fingers running through his hair while he continued to suck at Charles’ neck.

“Is this what you want, Erik?”

It took a few moments for the words to register but when they did, he immediately straightened up. Charles looked beautiful under him and it was almost enough to distract him. “What?”

“This,” Charles elaborated by thrusting his hip up against Erik’s growing erection, “is what you want, isn’t it?”

“What are you—”

Charles suddenly maneuvered them so Erik ended up on his back with Charles sitting directly above his arousal and his breath hitched. “I’m going to let you, you know,” Charles told him as he moved his hips suggestively, grinding against the bulge while guiding Erik’s hands to his thighs. “You don’t have to do any of…  _ this _ .”

Erik blinked and he quickly caught Charles’ wrists as something finally clicked. “Are you… Do you think I’m here because I  _ just _ want to fuck you?”

“Am I wrong?” he asked, punctuating the question with another movement of his hips that made Erik hiss.

“We kissed like that! And we’re pressed up tightly,  _ of course _ I’ll get hard!” Erik muttered frustrated. “But that doesn’t mean I only want sex.”

Without preamble, Charles stood and left Erik lying on the floor as he made his way to his office chair and sitting down. Erik winced as he sat up, feeling his pants uncomfortably tighter, and then stood up before walking to Charles.

“Still so selfish, my friend,” Charles said behind his desk, looking beautifully heartless as he tapped a finger on the box they were fighting over earlier. “I’m offering you another opportunity to have me and you tell me it’s not enough.”

“Stop fucking around, Charles. We’ve had this conversation before. You  _ know _ what I want.”

“I  _ don’t _ fucking know what you want!” Charles exclaimed suddenly. He blinked and fat tears rolled down his cheeks. He glared at the box for a while as Erik thought of something to say but then Charles was standing up again, muttering ‘fine’ under his breath before stopping in front of Erik. “You won’t stop until you hear it? You didn’t get to when you cornered me during Raven’s dinner. Fine. I fell for it, all of your acts. I believed everything and it hurt so fucking much when you suddenly stopped returning my calls.”

Erik moved to wrap his arms around Charles and explain but the other wasn’t done, pushing his hands away.

“I wanted Raven to meet you on your birthday and it fucking hurt when you didn’t show. So yeah, that fucking pen is  _ yours _ , I had your name engraved on it for fuck’s sake. It hurt when you ignored my messages. It fucking hurt again when I saw you walking to the construction site looking well and put together, like you’ve completely forgotten about me. It hurt when…” Charles sniffled and brushed the back of his hand against his eyes, glaring pitifuly at the box, “when I saw you in the hotel elevator, knowing that what I suspected was true. I tried… not allowing myself to hope but I couldn’t help it. And I knew it from the start, that this was leading nowhere but I fell for it anyway. Haha! Joke’s on me. And it hurts… It hurts so fucking much…”

Erik was crying too. He wanted to reach out and comfort Charles but knowing  _ he _ was the one caused this froze him in place. “Charles… I’m so sorry…”

“It hurt that I had to see you again in Paris, when I’m trying to pick up the pieces. It’s not fair. It hurt to see you every time because I remember everything. That’s the down side of eidetic memory, you see? I can  _ never _ forget. I feel betrayed… but you can’t call it betrayal unless the other person did some betraying, can you?”

“Charles...”

“And you didn’t. Not really. It was just a game and it’s nothing personal.”

Erik sobbed as he slowly placed his arms around Charles, afraid that the other won’t let him. It was a small victory when Charles leaned on his shoulder but did not touch him, hands remaining limp beside him.

“You wanted to hear that? Are you happy now?”

“Charles, that’s not what I want… please…”

“Sex then?” he muttered against Erik’s shirt. “You did help me find out that I’m gay.”

“Charles, please…”

“You want me to cry more? What else do you want to hear? I told you I’d go to bed with you but only once. I’m afraid I’m not like the others, Erik.”

“Charles… there’s no one else from now on. Only you… please…”

“I’m being as petty as I can. Please, Erik.  _ Tell me _ …  laugh, joke around. I don’t care anymore. I can take it,” Charles said. “Just please,  _ please _ stop… pretending like you care and leave me the fuck alone after you do it…”

Erik was stunned. He squeezed Charles’ arms and forced the other to look at him. “Is that what you think I am? That I’m a monster who is only after your humiliation? That I just want to use you? Do you really believe that?”

Charles laughed mirthlessly before trying to break free but Erik held him firmly. “I don’t know, maybe? Who the hell cares?”

“ _ I _ care!” Erik shouted, shaking Charles hard. “Of course I care what you think, Charles. Your approval is the  _ only _ thing that matters to me now! I made a mistake but how can you say that? You can’t really be so blind.”

Before Erik could lean his head on Charles’ shoulder, the shorter man had pried Erik’s hands off of himself. He looked torn as he stared at him with watery blue eyes, arms wound tightly around himself as he stepped back. “I don’t know.”

His breath caught and he silently implored on the part of Charles that he knew was telling him to give Erik another chance. “Please.”

“I want to believe you, Erik. I really do. But I just don’t know. I’ve never done this before and… I don’t know when or if I could trust myself to look out for my own—”

“It is not you, okay? Stop blaming yourself for trusting me because I’m the one who broke that trust. That’s not how we’re supposed to treat the people we love,” Erik cut him off.

“We are all responsible for our own actions, Erik.” Charles looked away, ignoring the declaration.

“Not if we’re lied to. I’m responsible for yours… for this,” he said, motioning to Charles’ tears. “Stop avoiding me and give me… your anger. I deserve it.” 

“You want me to blame you?” 

“Yes. I want you to stop acting like it was all just an unfortunate accident. By rights you should be shouting at me, blaming me… not trying to give me yourself if you don’t want me. I don’t… You have a right to be angry.”

Charles stared at him for a while before saying, “And what good will that do? It doesn’t matter. It was just a–”

“It fucking matters! You deserve  _ better _ . But I told you before I’m a bad person, didn’t I? If I were a better person, I would have left you alone and let you find someone more deserving of you. But I’m a selfish man and I want you for myself.”

“Your head's all messed up. First you tell me to be angry with you and now you’re saying you don’t deserve me but you still want me anyway.” Charles shook his head. “And I didn’t mean—”

“I  _ can’t _ let you go, Charles. I know you felt it too during those times we were together. We belong  _ together  _ and I will not give up. At least not until I’m sure that I’ve done everything I can to make it up to you… and maybe not even then. I don’t want to think about it but I will do what you want, be gone if that’s what you really intend for me to do. But not like this.”

Charles remained silent. He walked over to where the box was lying on his desk. He sighed, looking at it like it was a troublesome thing before walking to Erik. He held out the slightly deformed package. “Take it. I’m tired. It’s been a long day so this is yours if you want it that bad. I’m telling you though, it’s just a pen.”

“I do want it. Thank you, Charles.” Erik was momentarily stunned and he hesitantly took it, carefully tucking it inside his jacket. “And what about you? What do  _ you _ want?”

Charles shook his head. “You can’t give me what I want.”

“And what is that?”

Charles shrugged his shoulders. He wanted a lot of things but at that moment, there was only one thing that he really wished for. He stared at Erik and smiled at him, hoping that it concealed how he really felt. Raven had told him once that his smile was bright and cheerful so he used it whenever the situation was tense. But Erik was just looking at him like he wanted to cry.

“My own star.” Erik blinked and Charles laughed, his posture relaxing as he picked up the things the other had knocked on the floor. “And not the picture or a model either. I want my own,  _ real _ giant ball of hot burning gases.”

Once he got started, it was always easy to keep going, to pretend that things were okay and that he was not hurting. He picked up the dusty bags, old belts, and recognized one that he had been using until Raven bought him a new one, that night when Erik failed to show at dinner. He smiled fondly at them and then carefully hanged them back on the hook. He’d have to get rid of these soon. “You don’t happen to own an actual star, do you, Erik?” Charles asked with a little chuckle as he straightened and turned to face Erik again.

Erik was standing right behind him and when he faced him, the other walked forward slowly, raising his arms to put them around Charles, tucking the shorter man against his chest. “I wish that the time will come when you will realize that you don’t need to hide from me, Charles. I’ve always thought you looked a little sad when you smile but I never asked. I hope that day comes… along with the day when you feel confident when buying me presents.”

Charles allowed the hug to stretch on, feeling Erik’s breath on his hair. It was a tempting thought, staying there and wrapping his own arms around the taller man’s waist but that would be unwise. So he gently pulled away and left the room.


	11. 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ummm... this is almost 8k words long? :D Thank you again for keeping up with my super delayed updates. 
> 
> Thank you to my wonderful wonderful beta, SomeCoolName. It is because of her that you will not see a lot flaws this thing originally had. XD

# 

 11

Two days after, Margaret woke up and was moved from intensive care unit to a private room a week after. She was disoriented and groggy, especially when she saw her daughter and son-in-law beside her hospital bed, but she cried happy tears and the memory of what happened came back to her after some time. Charles and Erik were at work when it happened but they rushed to the hospital after a call from Lysa.

Charles took the train and the flowers, he hastily picked up on the way, were battered by the time he got there. Erik was already in the room when he came in, helping Lysa and Tom adjust Margaret’s bed to help her sit up and properly eat the slice of cake in front of her.

“Charles,” she happily greeted and he smiled, walking towards her to give her a hug and hand the flowers. “Thank you, Charles. They’re lovely.”

“They’re a little travel worn but I came as soon as I heard,” he said, warmth starting to spread his body at seeing her smile. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“Thanks to you and Erik. My doctor said I’ll be needing physical therapy once I’m stronger but he’s certain I’ll make a full recovery,” she told him, smiling even more. “Erik brought cake! The silly boy. But have some, it’s quite good.”

“You’re cleared to eat it, I asked your doctor. It’s a celebration,” Erik said.

Margaret smiled as she handed the flowers to her daughter. “I am thankful,” she said.

Charles smiled too and took the plate of cake Lysa gave him. Erik was sitting near the bathroom door, far from where he sat but they had been hyperaware of each other’s presence since he walked in. Despite not looking at him, he knew Erik was watching him inconspicuously while he joined in conversation with Lysa and Tom. Suddenly, the bathroom door opened and a woman he didn’t immediately recognize, came out. She was thin and was about Margaret’s age, dark brown locks with familiar reddish streaks mixed with gray wound tightly in a bun. She smiled at Charles when she noticed him looking and he automatically returned it.

“Charles?” she asked in an accented voice.

For a moment, he thought he was the only one who could see her until Erik stood and said, “Mother, that is Charles. Charles, my mother.”

“Please, call me Edie,” she said happily as she started to walk over to him.

Charles was stunned but he managed to stand and meet her. He sheepishly looked between her and Erik and took her hand to shake. “Lovely to meet you... Edie.” Judging by the way she was smiling at him and Erik’s embarrassed expression; her son had definitely told her something about him.

“Did you like the cake?” she asked.

He glanced at the untouched slice he left on his seat. “Oh, um, I haven’t gotten the chance yet though I’m sure it’s fantastic… When did you arrive?”

“The other night,” she said with a smile.

“She was suddenly at my doorstep with all her luggage,” Erik said with a tone that implied he wasn’t too happy with it.

“That’s what surprise means, Erik. You don’t announce it!”

“I was definitely  _ surprised _ …”

“Oh wow, it really does look good,” Charles blurted out and retrieved his plate before taking a quick bite. “Really good, Edie.”

“Thank you, Charles,” she said positively delighted and moved to sit with Charles despite Erik’s horrified look. He was muttering something in German as Edie sat down beside Charles while the other occupants of the room acted like nothing was off.

“I’m glad you liked it, Charles,” she told him brightly, watching him eat. “I hope you like pies. Not to be boastful but mine are really good.”

Charles smiled politely at her, nodding as he chewed. Erik on the other hand was red in the face, shooting his mother stern looks which she ignored. “Mom, let him eat in peace. You’re smothering him.”

Edie glared at him before smiling sweetly at Charles. “You should come over at Erik’s and visit me. I’ll cook for you!”

“Mom!”

“Ich will nur ihn essen!"* 

"Sie wollen etwas, und Sie wissen sehr gut."**  

"It’s fine, Erik. I don’t mind,” Charles cut them off, feeling uncomfortable at being in the middle of a banter, smiling at Edie and before he knew it, words were tumbling out of his mouth. “If I’ll be getting more of this wonderful cooking, then please, Edie, I’d be honored to see you again.”

“Then I’ll be waiting for you,” she told him in a triumphant tone and then to her son, she said, “See? He doesn’t mind!”

Erik just sighed, shaking his head. Charles got the impression that this was normal occurrence between mother and son.

Margaret was watching the exchange with knowing eyes and she gave Charles and Erik a smile before the two glanced nervously at each other. Charles then hastily returned to silently eating his cake while Erik lowly excused himself to make an ‘urgent call’ in the hallway. Charles managed to dodge Margaret’s meaningful glances only because Edie and her seemed to have struck an instant friendship and kept on falling into discussion about recipes and motherhood. That meant he was also forced to socialize with Erik more as Lysa and her husband were busy with Margaret’s hospital papers and arranging things for her to fly back with them as soon as she got clearance to travel. Erik went back inside the room after a few minutes and even though he wasn’t really actively trying to speak to him, seeming in fact, just as uncomfortable as he was, Charles couldn’t help but want to fill the silence. Or run. He wasn’t used to handling awkwardness like this but thankfully, they both managed to do small talk, filled with polite inquiries about work and current events, until Charles had felt like he had stayed long enough to not make his leaving seem hasty. He stood up and announced that he had articles he needed to finish before making for the door, feeling Erik’s heavy gaze tracking him across the room.

He didn’t remember what possessed him to agree to Edie’s invitation to visit Erik’s place (again) but he was definitely regretting it by the time he was home, sitting in front of his computer and staring at the screen of his ringing phone. Charles sighed loudly, massaging his temple before giving up and picking the damned thing. He couldn’t write a sentence anyway. “Good evening, Erik,” he muttered tiredly.

“ _ Charles _ ?”

Erik’s voice sounded like he was surprised, like he wasn’t expecting his call to be received.

“Yes, it’s… me. What can I do for you?”

_ I’m sorry to bother you. I know you said you’re working tonight but… my mother, she won’t stop badgering me about—” _

Charles heard the unmistakable voice of Edie in the background muttering something in an annoyed voice to which, her son answered in a hushed, but irritated German. “Yes?” Charles pressed with a hint of amusement despite his predicament. He couldn’t help thinking Erik being frustrated was funny.

_ “… when you can come over. To see her. You know… because you said you would.” _

Charles bit his lip, thinking. He really didn’t want to go back to Erik’s place. In fact, he was currently in the process of putting space between them to breathe. The last thing he wanted was to be back to that place where certain memories would surely resurface. Edie seemed a genuinely lovely woman but he also couldn’t help but think what she wanted to accomplish…

“I’m not really sure about this week, Erik. I have a lot of work to do but,” he paused, reaching for his desk calendar for his schedule, “I can drop by for dinner on Monday… around eight?”

There. He said it. Done. Soon it will be over.

_ “That’s great! I mean…yeah, okay. Sure. I’ll, uh, tell my mother. I’m sure she’ll be very glad to hear it.” _

“Please do. I’m looking forward to chatting with her,” he said. He wasn’t lying. Edie had that motherly, warm and loving aura that reminded Charles of Margaret that he couldn’t help but find her likable. He could almost see Erik’s face as he talked again.

_ “Thank you, Charles, for doing this. I mean, you don’t have to. I tried to talk her out of it but she just won’t listen… It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have mentioned you to her…” _

The unasked question of what exactly he told his mother hung between them for a while. Charles was very much tempted to voice it out but thought better of it. It didn’t matter. He didn’t want to make it seem like a big deal.

_ “I can make an excuse for you if you want, so you won’t have to deal with her.” _

Charles shook his head despite the fact Erik couldn’t see him. “Really. It’s fine. I told you I’d be happy to meet her again… and I’m a sucker for free, home-cooked dinners anyway so…” he trailed off, trying to sound casual and happy. Erik laughed at the other end and Charles felt his insides warm at hearing it.

_ “Okay. See you then, Charles.” _

Charles let his forehead knock loudly against his desk after he ended the call. What was he thinking? He berated himself for not taking Erik’s offer of making up an excuse for him. Why did he get himself into this?

He pushed his laptop close, finally giving up on hope that he’d be able to finish anything tonight. He went to the kitchen to fix himself a cup of tea, ignoring one of Raven’s colorful post-it notes that reminded him that it wasn’t a meal, and thinking about how a trail of bad decisions had started to follow him ever since he met Erik. It wasn’t the first time he thought about it but it was only tonight that Charles felt genuinely like blaming himself and not Erik. Once the tea was ready, he drank it, trying to calm himself and firmly telling himself that meeting Edie was harmless and that the woman might just want to personally make it up to him after maybe hearing about him being… inconvenienced by her son. It wasn’t necessary and he felt like there was something more, of course, but overthinking things would get him nowhere. As he lay on his bed later that night, Charles also kept telling himself that he was just humoring the old woman and that he was absolutely not looking forward to seeing Erik. At all.

\-------------------

As he walked on the rainy night street, Charles pressed his coat tightly around himself as he watched Erik’s apartment building loomed closer and closer with every step he took. The weather report said the hurricane might be passing by tomorrow afternoon so it will be rainy tonight. He was holding an umbrella with one hand while the other clutched a small fruit cake that he had bought from a bakery near the office, a pricey one because he somewhat felt like he needed to bring something that he was sure of the quality. Emma  _ loved _ this fruit cake so Charles was confident all other people would love it too.

Charles ignored the feeling of familiarity as he made his way to the elevators and pressing Erik’s floor. He tried not to think about the reason why he was here not too long ago. It only occurred to him that he should have at least tried to ask the Lehnsherrs if they’d want to meet in a restaurant instead but it was too late now. As the elevator dinged, he took a deep breath and walked to the door of Erik’s apartment, feeling even more ridiculous than on the first night of visiting  _ Genosha _ .

The door opened immediately when he knocked and he was soon greeted by Erik himself wearing one of those dark turtlenecks that suited him too well over plain but well-fitting jeans. It made Charles suddenly feel self-conscious of his own appearance and he belatedly wished that he had went home first to change into something nicer than his usual shirt and cardigan. Erik didn’t seem to mind though as he smiled widely at seeing him, immediately taking the box from the bakery and ushering Charles inside with a gentle, almost unsure touch on his shoulder.

“You’re in for a treat,” Erik said as they walked to the living room. “My mother has cooked you a feast. I’m not even exaggerating.”

Charles smiled politely, trying his best to ignore the hopeful smiles Erik was throwing his way and forcing his own emotions to calm down. He didn’t want to make this awkward so the previous night, Charles had come up with a plan: treating Erik like a friend whose mom invited him for a nice dinner. They’ll say hi, chat, eat, chat some more, and then Charles would be on his way home in an hour or less. Easy.

As soon as they walked by the hallway leading to the kitchen, the delicious smell of hot, savory food hit his nose, giving the air a hint of cheese, chicken, onions, garlic, and lots of other things that made his mouth water. “Wow, it smells so good in here,” he said and Erik laughed at him, carelessly squeezing Charles’ shoulder before either of them could feel awkward about it.

Erik quickly withdrew his hand and then led him into the dining area where Edie was setting the table around what couldn’t be described as anything less than, as Erik had said, a feast. She lighted up when she spotted him and immediately abandoned her task to walk over to him. 

“Charles!” she greeted happily, ignoring Charles’ extended hand and going in for a full-blown hug instead. Charles recovered after a few seconds and awkwardly patted her back while allowing himself to be hugged.

“It’s good to see you, Edie.” Erik wasn’t exaggerating when he told me about the food. I should have brought more people.”

“It’s wonderful that you’re here but you’re welcome to bring company next time,” she said, still beaming as she resumed her task, carefully fixing the plates of food and gravies as she went along. “It was raining quite hard in the afternoon. Erik and I were afraid that you’re not going to make it.”

“It’s just a little rain,” he said with a shrug, “and I would have missed on a great dinner, judging by how good it smells here.”

“He brought a cake, ‘ma,” Erik chimed in as he placed the fruit cake on the table before looking at Charles. “I know this place,” he said, motioning to the box, “Azazel and I buy there all the time.”

“It’s the first time I bought from them actually. Emma, my boss, swore that their fruit cakes are good and I tend to trust her opinion. She always has the interns pick cakes up for her there.”

“It does look good,” Edie said approvingly.

“Explains why I haven’t seen her there… or you,” Erik commented lightly.

They fell silent. Charles was suddenly struck by a scene where he ran into Erik while buying a cake, meeting him there for the first time instead of  _ Genosha _ . Would things have gone differently? He did not allow himself to wonder further and saw Erik staring off on the wall. He had a feeling that Erik was thinking of the same thing. Edie thankfully chose that moment to announce that dinner was ready and led him to a chair.

Despite Charles’ earlier worries and almost not showing up, dinner was shaping up to be quite a pleasant affair. Edie really was an awesome cook and much like Margaret, she too found delight in feeding Charles second helpings of everything that his belt felt dangerously too tight by the end of dinner. She did most of the talking which incidentally prevented him from having to talk to Erik alone. She happily recounted her life here in the city before she decided to go back to Berlin. Charles listened to her telling him about her sisters and their children, some of them no older than eight years old, while he ate a delicious meat pie.

“It makes me miss when Erik himself was that age. How they grow up so fast,” she said fondly while Erik made a face that was a cross between loving and annoyed.

Charles laughed and finished his last piece of pie. “That was really good. Thank you so much again, Edie.”

“You liked the pie?” she inquired happily.

Before he could answer, Erik stood and retrieved the cake Charles brought. “Do you want a slice, Charles?” he asked and Edie gave him a look that Charles did not understand.

“No, I don’t think I have room left for another bite,” Charles said, looking between them.

“Erik made the filling for that pie,” she said with a smug smile.

Charles glanced at Erik who was furiously blushing at the corner, rubbing the back of his neck. “It was delicious, Erik.”

“Yeah, well, she already had her hands full, trying to do everything by herself so I helped her a bit,” he said casually and stood. He started to gather the used plates and bring them to the dishwasher.

“Why don’t we retire to the living room? I have tea to help take care of our heavy dinner,” Edie told Charles.

Charles checked his watch. He had been here for almost two hours but tea sounded really good at the moment so he followed her to the hallway. He looked back to Erik before asking, “Can I help you with anything?”

Erik shook his head. “Oh, no. It’s fine. She specifically told me to treat you like a princely guest and I’ll be in trouble if she catches you with a dirty plate in your hands,” he said, smirking. “Off you go, Charles.”

He nodded and went to the living room. Edie had been prepared, apparently as she was already pouring tea into two steaming cups. He sat opposite her on the sofa, trying not to look at the fantastic view the sliding glass door had outside and remembering vividly what transpired when he first laid eyes on it.

“Did you enjoy dinner?” she asked.

“Yes, Edie. It was wonderful. I think I won’t be able to eat anything for days. I’m so full.”

They chuckled lightly and attended to their cups. “My poor son was embarrassed when I told you about the pie. Did you see?” she said.

“It was nice of him to help you,” he said neutrally.

“Erik is a good son,” she agreed. “He’s also a good person, very protective of the things he loves.”

Charles focused on pouring milk and sugar into his cup and stirring carefully, avoiding Edie’s eyes. He could feel her watching him as he pretended to be busy while thinking of something to say, possibly an apology for a forgotten work he needed to attend to right away, because he could see where this was headed and had seen it a mile away. He had dreaded it but did nothing and now here he was.

“He always talks about you,” he decided to say. “I’ve heard about your cooking way before I got the chance to experience it tonight. And he was right.”

She laughed. “He did say he was going to miss coming home to hot food when I went back to Germany. But I had to do it. He had a lot of growing up to do and he needed to be alone. And I can’t…”

Edie frowned as she stared at her lap, lost in her own thoughts. Charles patiently waited as the sounds of water running and dishes clinking flitted in the background. Gentle patters on the window told him that the rain was back and was steadily pouring outside. After several moments, she looked up and stared at him.

“The first time I ever heard about you was through a phone call in the middle of the night. Well, it was a different time in Germany but I don’t think my son called with that in mind. He called you the person that he loves.”

Charles froze, staring at the steaming surface of his cup.

“I’m not here to try to change your mind about my Erik, and I am so very sorry he had hurt you, but please don’t think that he put me up to this. He didn’t even know I was coming or that I wanted to talk to you here today. But I want you to know… to  _ understand _ my son before you completely reject him.”

“Edie…”

“Erik loves you,” she said with a smile, her eyes sparkling at the prospect that her son was smitten that Charles had to look away. “When he called me, he was crying. I was worried because I haven’t heard him cry since he was a boy… not since  _ that _ day, which is a different story entirely… It’s because he thinks he lost you.”

Charles didn’t know what to say so he stayed silent.

“My son will hate me for telling you this but I think you have to hear it… and he won’t share it to you, stubborn boy that he is.”

“What is it?” he asked softly.

“About Magda.”

“I don’t think—”

“Please,” she said firmly. “I don’t want you to think that Erik is just… a person who would hurt. You have to understand him. Please.”

Charles glanced at the hallway where the sounds of dishes were coming from. He didn’t know what to do but Edie was already speaking again.

“Magda was my son’s best friend. They grew up together and eventually, they became a couple,” she said. “They were happy. Magda is a nice girl and I really think she cared for him. But I knew Erik had something in him that he was hiding, something that Magda failed to see. Erik never came out to me you know, about his orientation,” she said with a wry smile.

Charles nodded. He could imagine a younger Erik, running around with a pretty young girl that he loved. It made him feel uneasy. He then thought about himself and what Erik helped him find out.

“But he did come out to  _ her _ ,” she continued. “Growing up, Erik had always been a loner. Other kids had always found him sort of odd so he just kept to himself. I tried to introduce him to my friends’ children in the neighborhood, all from our synagogue, but no one seemed to want him, and no one made him want to make more effort to reach out. That’s why, when Magda came, it was like my son changed into a whole new person. He was happier, smiled more, talked more; like he was suddenly alive. He did not say it out loud but I know, she became everything to him, trusted her and let her in when nobody tried.”

Edie smiled at the floor, seeing memories from the past. “She was vibrant, the kind of girl that every mother would want for their sons. She loved him so much and it’s easy to see She wasn’t just close to Erik, she was good to me too and that was one thing that could win Erik over. I had no doubts that they will be married in the future, raise a family together… until that day. This thing that he wasn’t telling, I think it’s been on his mind for years. Growing up in a Jewish neighborhood, I can only imagine what it was like for him with what was brewing in him.”

Charles’ childhood had never been focused on religion. His lack of spiritual beliefs continued into his adulthood wherein his preoccupation was shrouded by bills, work, school, and Raven. Had he had the chance to ponder his own sexuality during these times, he didn’t think Raven, the only family he had really, would care. With the kind of relationship he had with his mother, he wouldn’t have cared about what she thought all. For someone like Erik who was raised in a religious environment, he must have felt like an abomination.

“I overheard them talking that day. I didn’t hear the whole conversation but when Magda started shouting at Erik and walking out of our house, I knew it was the end and that things didn’t go well. Magda was hurt. She thought my son used her to experiment and betrayed her, but my son would never do something like that. He genuinely treasured Magda. He opened up to her and she didn’t accept what she saw.

“But he never saw it that way. Erik blamed himself for a very long time, believed her words… words that convinced him that he was a monster and that he used her. He believed her when she told him that he wouldn’t find anyone because he is not deserving of love.”

He couldn’t see her face as she continued to watch him wordlessly, but her hand was warm when it touched his shoulder.

“I’m not trying to defend him… or justify any of what he did. There’s no excuse to that. And I want you to know that I feel happy that my son met you, regardless of what you decide. The reason I had to leave is I can’t stand watching him live his life like a log anymore, letting himself be swept by waves and not taking control. He was wasting away and I thought that he had given up on love until that call. My heart broke to hear him cry like that but at the same time, Charles, I was so very relieved! I never thought the day would come when my boy would tell me that he had finally found someone he wanted to be with, someone that would make him feel like he had to be better than what he had allowed himself to fall into being. I’m just sad that he had to make a mess of things but, even now, even though I know he’s hurting, you’re still good for him.”

Charles tried to search for words but instead, he stared back at her old eyes. He hoped she understood.

“You don’t need to say anything, Charles,” she said smiling before wiping tears from her own eyes. “I just want you to really know my son… not just the person he had become after Magda abandoned him. He’s still in there, somewhere, and I could see him more clearly whenever you’re around.”

At that moment, Erik walked into the living room. His sleeves were rolled up and he was drying his hands with a towel. He was saying something about the rain getting stronger and he paused mid-sentence, looking at them. “Is everything alright?”

“Yes,” Edie replied immediately with a smile. “I was just telling Charles about your father.”

Erik frowned. “Cancer is hardly a pleasant after-dinner conversation, ‘ma. And you’re crying again,” he said sternly before turning to Charles. “It’s raining heavily again. I can drive you to your place but I’m afraid you’d have to wait. I need to be online for a video conference in ten minutes,” he told him.

“Oh I can take a cab,” Charles said, casting Edie a sideway glance. Her face didn’t betray anything and it was almost unnerving.

“Nonsense,” Edie protested. “Please, Charles, let an old woman rest easy and wait for Erik to finish with his big-shot dilly dally.”

“Ma…”

“He’ll drive you home. Don’t even try to argue.”

“Okay. I’ll just hang around here and wait,” he told her and she smiled.

“It will only be a few minutes,” Erik apologized.

Almost thirty minutes after, Charles found himself aimlessly scanning the channels on Erik’s giant flat screen with two paper bags of left-overs sitting on the table for him. Edie had retired to Erik’s bedroom after fixing him food while Erik retreated to his study for the conference. Charles glared at the rain still pattering against the window. He couldn’t see the city well as the clouds loomed over the lights he had seen on his previous visit and a quick visit to the news channel informed him that the hurricane had changed its course and would be coming their way early morning tomorrow instead of afternoon. He wasn’t in any real hurry as he had finished all urgent writings he had to do before coming here but Charles felt like he was intruding, like he didn’t belong here.

All this waiting gave him a lot of time to think about what Edie said. The way she said it, Charles was certain that she meant well but she made it sound like he had saved Erik or something. Charles didn’t know what he felt about it now but earlier, he was definitely hurt for Erik as he knew all too well what it felt like to be abandoned.

He didn’t realize how much time had passed when Erik finally emerged from his study. “I am so sorry, Charles,” he said as he walked over to him. “I didn’t know that there had been some problems and I needed to sort it out right away during the conference.”

Charles glanced at the clock. He had been waiting for almost one hour. “Oh it’s fine. I was actually watching a movie and I lost track of time too,” he lied. “I’ll get going now since it’s gotten pretty late. Thank Edie again for me, will you.”

Erik stared at him and at that moment, as if on cue, a strong wind blew and the rain poured harder against the window. “Charles.”

“I’ll get a cab. It’s no big deal. Edie is asleep now anyways so you can just tell her that I left before your conference was over.”

Erik sighed deeply before plopping down on the sofa beside him, leaving a good several inches of space between them. He shook his head before asking, “Why do you always talk like that to me?”

“What do you mean?”

“Like you’re expecting me to be… I don’t know, like I secretly hate you or something.”

Charles laughed lightly. “No! That’s not what I’m thinking, Erik. I just don’t want to inconvenience anyone. You’ve spent quite some time preparing me dinner already and you got work—”

“I want to do things for you, Charles,” Erik cut him off. “Maybe I gave you the impression that I don’t care about you when I did all those things before and I’m sorry, but please allow me to make it up to you. I  _ want _ to.”

“You don’t have to keep apologizing for it,” he said, keeping his voice light.

Erik shrugged, his face clearly indicating that he thought differently.

Charles avoided Erik’s eyes, feeling like the conversation needed to be steered away. “Look, it’s really late and I don’t want you to drive in this weather anyway so if you don’t mind me on the couch, I can spend the night here and leave in the morning if the weather clears up. The news said that the hurricane is moving towards us so it’s not going to be safe for either of us,” he said.

Erik’s eyes widened before a blush crept to his cheeks. He looked like he was thinking of whether or not he should say something before finally speaking in a voice that was too casual. “Actually, my mother is using my room so I’ve been sleeping here in the living room since she came here.”

“Oh.”

“But I have an extra mattress,” Erik hastily added. “I could sleep on it so you can have the sofa… or the mattress, I don’t really care either way.” When Charles didn’t say anything, he added, “I can put the mattress in my study if you want, I mean, I’d understand if you want privacy.”

Charles nodded, equally casual. “Thanks,” he said.

Erik quickly found him a pillow, a blanket and even put out a loose shirt, a pair of cotton pants, and a spare toothbrush. Charles thanked him again and Erik allowed him to use the bathroom first. He brushed his teeth and changed into the borrowed clothes which were slightly too big for him. He refrained from thinking too much about being in Erik’s clothes as he checked himself in the mirror before stepping out. He found Erik in his study, door wide open as he tried to cram the mattress inside.

“The bathroom is free now,” Charles informed him uncertainly as he watched the other wrestle the thing down in the middle but it kept pushing up, forming some sort of hill as the edges of mattress were pressed against the bookcase on the left side and Erik’s desk on the right.

“Oh, yeah. I’ll be there, I just need to… fix… this…. thing,” Erik muttered as he continued to struggle.

“Erik, it’s impossible to fit that thing in here. Just take it out in the living room,” he told him.

Erik paused, wiping sweat from his brow. “Are you sure?” he asked.

“Of course. Here, let me help you with that.”

They dragged the mattress back in the living room, pushed the center table against the wall and it fitted perfectly just beside the sofa. Charles settled in his little nest of blanket on the sofa while Erik retreated to the bathroom.

“You sleep with the lights off?” Erik called before he stepped inside. It wasn’t really a question. 

They both knew Erik had seen him put out the lights before sleeping before.

“Yes. I just read some pdf files on my phone until I get sleepy so I don’t need a night light either,” he said anyway.

Erik nodded. “Well, there’s one by the sofa, anyway,” he said before closing the door.

Charles tried to focus on what he was reading on his phone as he heard the water coming from the bathroom. It was still raining hard outside and he knew that staying the night was the most logical solution to the problem but at that moment, he thought braving the torrential rains outside was better than this. He eventually gave up and placed his phone under his pillow, forcing his eyes closed and begging for sleep to come but it didn’t, not even after the bathroom door opened and Erik emerged in a loose shirt and boxers, toweling his slightly damp hair.

Even in the darkness, Charles knew where Erik was as he walked around the room, skirting around furnitures to make his way to the mattress. Charles was hyper aware of every sound, Erik’s breathing and the creaking of the mattress under his weight when he heard him crawl on top of it. The noises died down eventually and Charles stared at the dark ceiling, wide awake. He stayed like that for a long time, his eyes adjusting slowly to the darkness until he was able to make out the vague shapes of Erik’s living room while listening to Erik tossing and turning every once in a while.

“Are you asleep?” Erik finally asked.

Charles considered not answering and pretending to be asleep but he found himself speaking. “No.”

He heard Erik move again and when he turned his head towards the sound, he saw Erik had shifted on his side, looking up at Charles. Charles wasn’t sure how much Erik could see but when he turned his body to face him too, Erik was looking straight into his eyes.

“Can’t sleep?” Erik asked.

“Yes,” he said.

The rain continued to pour and the room got illuminated by occasional streaks of lightning from the window. They just stared at each other, breathing evenly. Charles swallowed when Erik slowly sat up and moved closer until Charles was looking up at him. He hesitated before bringing a hand on Charles’ cheek, gently caressing his skin.

“Stop me,” Erik breathed out as he leaned down. Charles could smell the faint scent of toothpaste and soap as Erik pressed his lips on the corner of his mouth.  “Stop me,” he said again, hot breath hitting Charles’ lips and he ghosted over it, staring at Charles, waiting.

Charles’ eyes fell close as Erik’s mouth descended on his. He parted his lips when he felt Erik’s tongue sliding against his and the kiss deepened, hunger and longing fueling it. Erik stroked his jaw and the side of his neck as they kissed slowly and deeply. Charles felt himself slipping away and his hand reached out to tangle in Erik’s hair.

Erik rested his forehead against Charles’ when they parted for air, hot breaths mingling as they stared at each other. “I missed you, Charles,” Erik whispered.

Charles didn’t say anything, running the tips of his fingers on the side of Erik’s face instead, tracking them with his blue eyes that pierced through even in darkness. Erik caught Charles’ hand with his and kissed it before he pressed it down beside his head as he claimed Charles’ lips again, groaning eagerly. Without breaking the kiss, Erik moved to sit on the sofa beside Charles but kept his hands on Charles’ face and neck, carefully avoiding slipping under his clothes as he caressed the exposed skin.

Erik was half-lying on top of him now as they kissed and for once, Charles allowed himself to just feel without thinking. He let Erik’s touches hush his worries away and pushed unwanted images of Erik in an elevator with another man. He panted as Erik kissed down the side of his face and trailed to his neck and throat. He then felt one of Erik’s hands slip under the borrowed shirt.

“Erik,” he said as he squirmed against the touch caressing his abdomen and chest, lighting small fires on his skin. “Your mother… she might see us…”

Erik hummed in acknowledgement and continued to nose his neck before lightly nipping on his shoulder. He gave the skin there a lick before finally pulling away and sitting up, eyes not leaving Charles. “Okay,” he said as he fixed the neckline of Charles’ shirt which he had pulled down. 

“Can you join me down there?”

Charles took Erik’s hand and he was led down to the mattress where he lay on his side with Erik’s chest against his back, warm and comforting, his strong arms wrapped around his torso. Charles sighed and snuggled closer, holding Erik’s arms against his body. He felt Erik press a kiss in his hair before his fingers lightly run on the skin of Charles’ abdomen peeking slightly from the hem of his shirt while they listened to the rain in the dark living room.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Erik said.

Charles stiffened for a moment but quickly relaxed. He still didn’t know what to say and Erik seemed to know it.

“You don’t need to say anything,” he said near Charles’ ear, breath warm on the side of his neck. 

“I know you need time and I told you, I’ll wait for as long as you need. I’m happy to take what  you’re willing to give.”

“I don’t know what I’m willing to give, Erik.”

“ _ I _ do… and I’m willing to wait until you do too.”

Charles moved to turn his head towards Erik. “Even if I find out that there’s not much I have to give?”

“What you don’t have, I can make up for both us.”

Charles narrowed his eyes. “You barely know me,” he said incredulously. “Even if you genuinely feel like you are willing to give so much, who is to say that you will still feel the same after some time? How do you know you won’t… get tired?”

“I don’t,” Erik said simply, “but I’m still willing to risk it rather than not find out at all. I may not be sure about the future but who is? All I know is that I need you, Charles, and I can’t bear to think of life without you in it.”

He loosened his grip as Charles turned in his arms to face him fully. Erik was about to smile but stopped himself when he saw Charles frowning at him. Charles did not settle in his arms and instead, slowly pushed Erik flat on his back before leaning over him, both hands on either side of Erik’s head while he stared at Erik’s eyes and looking for something.

“Despite everything, you truly believe that there’s a chance?” Charles asked him, voice devoid of any emotion that if he was angry, Erik didn’t see it.

Lightning flashed through the glass followed by the sound of cracking thunder but neither of them moved. Erik stared up at Charles softly but full of determination. “You’re questioning why I’m thinking this way. You think I’m a fool.”

“Quite a bit, to be honest.”

“Not really,” Erik told him. “I believe because I know we already had it… you know it, Charles. Besides, I’ve already seen what it’s like not being with you. Years of it, in fact. I’m sure because this time, I’m fully in it. I’m not going to make the mistake of letting you go again.”

Charles just stared on before pulling away but Erik caught both his wrists.

Even though he was calm, inside, Charles was screaming. How could Erik say these things? After hurting him so much and then claiming to be sorry, how can he easily make these claims that were so baseless and absurd? If there was anything that was clear, it’s that what they had, whatever it was, was fragile and that it was not dependable at all. Charles had been right all along to keep away. Things like these were not meant to last, at least not with Charles. Erik had so many other  _ options,  _ and Charles was only one of them. What about the others out there? What about  _ Magda _ ?

“This isn’t logica—“

Charles gasped as Erik suddenly maneuvered them to flip their positions and Charles ended up on his back with Erik on top. “ _ Nothing _ about this is logical,” Erik said as he pinned his wrists down. 

“If this was logical, I never would have hurt you because that was just plain stupid. Or maybe I’d try to find Magda because she is the person who knew me longer, but I don’t want to.”

At the mention of Magda’s name, Charles flinched and looked away.

“I  _ heard _ , Charles. I know my mother told you about her.”

“I tried to tell her not to—”

“It doesn’t matter,” Erik snapped at him. “I don’t care about her anymore. It is true, she was important to me, but the only thing remaining here of her are those memories I’d rather not remember. Yes, she hurt me, but she had nothing to do with the fucked up way I handled being with you. That was all me. You are different, I knew that even back then, but as much as I was attracted to you, you also scared me. But no more. I don’t care about  _ any _ of those. The only thing that’s keeping me going is the hope that one day, we’ll be able to pick up where we left off before I messed up… and I’ll finally have my chance.”

The strength of conviction in Erik’s words drowned out all other thoughts that were threatening to pour out of Charles. Erik’s eyes were intense and focused, almost scary, but it was also vulnerable and so so honest.

“What if I tell you that I want to give myself the chance to be with other men?”

Erik frowned at him and his hold on his wrists tightened but he didn’t say anything.

“Erwin and I have been seeing each other before I came back here,” Charles said.

The immediate pained look on Erik’s face made him want to take his words back. But he didn’t and instead he waited, staring up at Erik and resisting the urge to just give in. How easy it would be, he realized, lying there while feeling Erik’s warmth and listening to his sweet words.

Suddenly, the door to the bedroom opened, letting a stream of light into the dim living room. Edie then emerged from it, sluggish movements suggesting that she just woke up. Charles and Erik froze, listening to the woman make her way to the bathroom door slowly and disappearing behind it without as much as a glance to their direction. Erik sighed, his hold on Charles relaxing but not letting go. Charles was relieved too and he closed his eyes, listening to the running water from the other side of the door. The rain was still stubbornly pouring outside.

“Are you trying to hurt me?” Erik asked lowly.

“What?” he asked, eyes snapping open.

“Or is it a test then?”

“What? No!”

“Then why would you possibly—say”

The bathroom door opened again and Edie was walking out, closing the light behind her. The amount of light in the room only allowed them to see her form walking before it paused when she reached the hallway. Even without seeing, Charles knew she was trying to check on them so he gently pushed Erik away but the other didn’t budge.

“Your mother is right there,” Charles hissed in the softest voice possible.

“Then don’t move. If she sees us like this, she’ll go away,” Erik replied, equally low before burying his face on the side of Charles’ neck.

Charles’ fingers twitched while Erik held his hands down, warm breaths against the skin of his neck. He tried to even out his breathing while thinking of the pros and cons of punching Erik in the face in front of his aging mother. But then Edie was walking again and then she returned to the bedroom.

Charles waited for Erik to continue his earlier questioning but it didn’t come. Like him, Erik seemed to be tired of it and instead, he released Charles’ arms only to wrap it around his waist before snuggling his face closer to his neck. Erik wasn’t that heavy but the weight became bothersome after a few minutes, not to mention that Charles could feel Erik’s heart beating against his own chest. The proximity was familiar, comforting, so he surrendered any prospect of getting Erik off of him and reluctantly put a hand on Erik’s back. Erik gently squeezed his side in response.

After a long moment of silence, listening to the rain and both their breathing, Charles was sleepy. His mind was exhausted and confused and he didn’t want to think anymore. His eyes were already closed when Erik spoke again, the rumbling of his voice felt through Charles’ chest.

“You can have whoever you want,” Erik said, voice almost a whisper, “but when you tire of them, come back to me.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *"I just want to cook for him!”  
> **"That’s not all that you want and we both know it.”
> 
> I've made liberal creative license here so please forgive me if I've butchered something. I didn't do much research as my focus when I was writing this was Charles and Erik's internal conflicts and how they're clashing outside. I am sure you have a lot of thoughts (hopefully) about this so please do share them with me. ^_____^
> 
>  

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Cover art for "Falling"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/8666119) by [avictoriangirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/avictoriangirl/pseuds/avictoriangirl)




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